For my brother's 21st birthday
last month, I took an old Valentine's day card and put lots of 21s in all the lovehearts on it, crossed out the 'Dear...' and 'from...', replacing them with his name and mine respectively.

It's not that I'm tight, he's just not worth it.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:30, Reply)

How much???
When on holiday my father who is tighter than a nuns holy region refuses to buy the paper as " it costs 5 euros". Fast forward 3 months and aformentioned father is asking me to help lay out his new rug.....this would not be so bad if it was not for the fact that the rug is second hand and it cost him two and a half grand!. Buy a paper and get yer rugs from ikea you tight old git!!
(sparklehorse is loving popping his cherry...again....honest, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:25, 1 reply)

Shower? You'll be having no shower here my boy!
She was, it has to be said, astonishing at living on a small amount of money - but it came to a head the morning after the first night I'd stayed.

She got cross because I had a shower. It seems that wastes a lot of water and energy compared to rinsing yourself off from the basin. Ooookay... well, I just let it pass. She was top quality in bed so you know, one can compromise.

But after a while I realised money was a primary motivator of hers. She needed new sheets. Her birthday came up, and amongst the usual trickets I included a nice set of bed linen. Lovely stuff it was too. Jacquard.

A shame she confided in a best friend of mine that she'd much rather I'd have done something like pay her gas bill.

And in another argument she said that men who are kind do things like buy their girlfriends their weekly shop. She'd also completely empty hotel's complementary teabags, grab handfuls of sugar sachets... anything that saved her having to buy her own.

She wasn't a bad girl, really, just a bit messed up and money seemed to be a big issue. She could even be generous at times, but that was often the exception. Funny thing is, I'm really easy going with money usually but with her she made it an issue so I was far less generous. To the point that on her kicking off I quietly decided that the laptop I'd just bought her had suddenly become my new laptop.
(clopinettes, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:17, 5 replies)

my parents bought a secondhand campervan
and then took out all the carpets 'in case they get dirty and lower the resale value'. Way to enjoy your retirement, mum and dad.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:16, 6 replies)

The ex
'Nuff said!
(SlightlyInsane, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:16, 7 replies)

one cristmas
I got my brother some pogs I found in a packet of crisps. I wrapped them in tinfoil, using his sellotape.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:16, Reply)

My folks are minted
but they save the sachets of coffee and sugar from hotels.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:00, 9 replies)

Jimmy Willis
is a somewhat obscure footballer who used to play for my dad's team, Leicester City, in the early 90's.

I was firmly of the opinion that Leicester City in general, and Jimmy Willis in particular, were useless and crap (I supported those legends at Wimbledon, so a glory-hunter I was not).

After one piss-take comment too many, my dad bet me £20 that Jimmy Willis would play for England one day. I accepted.

Jimmy retired from playing in 1997, and after a brief stint as manager of Bamber Bridge FC has now left football altogether.

Has my dad paid up? Has he fuck. He claims that Jimmy could conceivably come out of retirement (he's 40) and play for England, and that he will not pay me until it is physically impossible for Jimmy Willis to play football again, by virtue of being dead.

Seeing as my dad is 20 years older than Jimmy Willis, and at no point has been a professional athlete, the chances of Jimmy Willis dying before my dad are about the same as him playing for England.

My dad's a tight-fisted arsebiscuit, and I know he reads b3ta now and then. Pay up, you tight fucker!
(Axeman Jim, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:55, Reply)

first
bums!
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:54, 1 reply)

Next door neighbour
One of the guys I lived next door to was perhaps the tightest bloke I've ever encountered. I've got many stories about him, so I'll start with the first one that comes to mind.

One day I was outside washing my car, and his adult daughter popped around to visit him. He met her on his driveway and she asked if she could use his vacuum cleaner to clean her car interior, and he told her that she was free to borrow the vacuum cleaner and use it at her house, but she wasn't to use his electricity for it because he 'wasn't made of money'.

The same daughter then asked if she could charge her mobile phone up in his house, as it was low on battery and she was expecting an important call. His response? 'Now you're just taking the fucking piss'. He wasn't being sarcastic either...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:52, Reply)

F5
so what exactly does the F5 button do?
now be nice and i`ll tell you a story
(Nahla, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:51, 5 replies)

my old boss
A boss at an old workplace was tight beyond belief, but only regarding certain things. He would lash out on a fancy new car every couple of years (high-end saloons and 4x4`s) yet once when I asked him next time he was at a suppliers to pick up a pack of new blades for the workshop stanley knives, he pointed me in the direction of the whetstone and told me to sharpen the old ones.
(dave likes cheese, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:49, 1 reply)

It's more of a top tip than anyting else, but it works - and at the expense of others.
If you're going out to the pub with a few mates, be the first one to the door and hold it open for everyone. You'll be the last one at the bar, and by that time, your mates will have got the drinks in.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:48, 6 replies)

my mate's dad...
gave him a pair of steel-toed builders boots (which he'd got for free), when he'd asked for some German Paras as a birthday present (he was into the rock/metal scene when he was a teenager). He then proceeded to demonstrate how the ankle-high tramp shoes were "better" by standing on the toe-cap. Which crimped. Leaving my mate with a cut toe and a pair of boots which always had a grooved dent in one toe.

Same dad later gave him his old wing-collared leather sport coat (like a black leather blazer from Saturday Night Fever)when the same kid asked for a biker jacket for christmas.

No wonder his kid got picked on, the tight cunt
(Chad, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:47, Reply)

Pizza
The company I work for often has suppliers buy pizza/sanwiches etc for lunch for the staff on promotional days or after training. 1 of the guys is so tight, he takes any left over, home for his kids for tea. Its not like he is on a bad wage either.
(scowners shagged his mum on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:46, 8 replies)

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:46, 11 replies)

Tubes!
Ok, real Scroogeness time:

My parents kept the Tomato Puree at nearly run out for MONTHS! Literally, months. 4-5 months would not be unusual.

At age 29 I discovered it's cheap as chips. I am still really sparing with it when making a spaghetti bolognese, and cringe internally when my wife sprays it in with wild abandon.

They were the same with toothpaste. Maybe it's a tube thing?

And marmite- all that would be left for months was the crust round the rim.

God, this is going to bug me all night now. Listing things my parents kept nearly run out. I'll probably wake up in a few hours, mumble toothpaste, then doze off again...
( DrPrunesquallor is determined to post more as of, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:46, 1 reply)

My mum
is tighter than any duck's arse.

She lives in a house worth in excess of half a million quid. But still buys Tesco value food.

Her most recent 'hobby' is called "finding cheaper petrol". In this quest, she will drive for many, many miles to purchase petrol at one tenth of a penny cheaper per litre than the garage up the road. If she did a lot of mileage, this might be worthwhile, but you'd be lucky if she drives 5 miles a week. Most of that at less than 30mph.

She also leaves her mobile phone at home so she's not tempted to call anyone, thus saving her call-time credit ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:46, 4 replies)

Things were getting tight in B3taland

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:45, 10 replies)

you know
there is enough food in the world to feed everybody. but rich countries take it all. why? because food is a commodity and if you can't afford it, you can't have it.


while you read this about 3 people died of poverty.
(ewe, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:45, 57 replies)

Eighth
I would have been quicker but I don't want to wear out the F5 key.
(Avalanche - Purveyor of sexual deviancy since 1976, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:44, Reply)

5th
Woot.

Back later with story.

Dagnammit 8th.

My bad I'm 7th.

Good job i'm not doing Mathematics at Uni.
(kickstandrich last had sex with your mum/sister/wife/daughter on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:43, Reply)

nth
Yes! Get in there
( The Coast Of Yemen, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:43, 2 replies)

Fifth?

I was too cheap to spring for 1st
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:43, Reply)

fourth
wahey
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:41, Reply)

Second?
My word.

No, third.

Yet invariably the first few responses are all about who came first.

Which puts me in mind of my teenage years....

When of course I had no money and was the proverbial tightwad.


*thinks about writing pr0n*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:41, Reply)

SECOND LOL
This space for hire, to anyone on QOTW who'd like to advertise their recently self-diagnosed Aspergers Syndrome.
( moohalaa, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:41, Reply)

First?
Well I never.

/edit: So what do I win? Kaol you need pass me the er, amazing firstness b3ta yellow jersey thingy.
( rofl harris, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 17:40, 1 reply)