Don't drink a litre of gin in one night.
You might have to sleep in until 9pm the next day to get over it.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 26 Dec 2011, 0:40, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Indie kids
celebrate Christmas by decorating your room with a Jesus & Mary chain...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sun 25 Dec 2011, 22:00, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Improve everything by 300 %
By wrapping it in bacon, kittens and boobs .
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Sun 25 Dec 2011, 2:49, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Woman in the pub last night
It would have been easier, cheaper and possibly less embarrasing for yourself if you just asked the men you liked outright for a fuck.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 24 Dec 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Amuse everyone you meet
by asking if the days seem to be getting longer, followed by a hearty laugh. Continue the amusement into the new year by reminding people it is only 358 shopping days until christmas....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 24 Dec 2011, 12:06, Reply)

http://b3ta.com/questions/killedtodeath/post1481561
Murderers: Don't leave your dead bodies in the street/path. Throw them down a rubbish chute & ensure they're undesirable types (like pimps or something). That way you can guarantee the police will not come looking for you.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Recreate the spirit of Christmas every weekend
By burning 200 pounds, drinking 3 litres of sherry and watching UK GOLD with your head in your hands, crying.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 14:52, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Don't seem to have much cash?
Fold a banknote up several times, then when you unfold it again, you'll find it in creases
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:07, Reply)

convince people that paganism is long dead and buried by
celebrating a hijacked and mass marketed version instead
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:25, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

99% of homosexuals are either weather balloons, aircraft or geese.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 15:09, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Queers, cure yourselves by trying not to be so poofy.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Make people think you're gay
by painting your Dell inspiron silver, and sticking one of the stickers you get with an Ipad on the back of it.
(username failed moderation, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Pretend you are turning into your Dad
by referring to instructions as 'destructions'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 22 Dec 2011, 12:02, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Remark to people on December 22nd
that 'aren't the nights getting shorter now'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 21 Dec 2011, 18:21, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Make sure people know you're a middle manager
by using their name to punctuate your sentences.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Strip naked at the front door
before entering your house, to feel the benefit when you get inside.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Fool people into thinking you're a robot
by applying too much anti-perspirant to your armpits, which resticts your movement once it dries.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Assuage feelings of inconsequence by rallying against "The System"
while enjoying the benefit and relative luxury of a Western lifestyle.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:37, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Save the Puma
by not buying Adidas or Nike...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 21:45, Reply)

short of cash this christmas?
Save money on expensive gifts by claiming your a johovas witness.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 20:37, Reply)

Girls! Make sure you get a boyfriend this Christmas
by wearing incredibly revealing, short clothing, and making it blindingly obvious that you're drunk, available, and willing to do pretty well anything in order to be with someone.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Persuade girls to have sex with you
by pleading.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 16:48, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Convince people
that the collective noun for a group of Star Wars fans is 'a Solo'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Mon 19 Dec 2011, 16:35, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

north korean leaders why not change your name
to kim jong well, instead and live a longer and more productive life?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 7:59, Reply)

Just learned this from a public service announcement by Smirnov.
Drink lots of vodka and make your own crazy nights. What could possibly go wrong?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 0:42, Reply)

Avoid a terrible Christmas
By not attending one of Fluffybunnykiller's seasonal family gatherings.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sun 18 Dec 2011, 3:21, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Foreign Premier League players
negate the need for wearing gloves during the Winter period by making just that little bit more of an effort on the pitch...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sat 17 Dec 2011, 22:48, Reply)

Are you a bit mental?
If you're an absolute nutter and can't stop talking to yourself, avoid being captured by the funny farm simply by wearing a bluetooth earpiece at all times. No one will be any the wiser!
(samgasm, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 20:10, Reply)

Coloured walking sticks
make ideal Christmas candy cane replacements for giants...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:54, 1 reply, 12 years ago)