Apologies to Scotland...Germany…Environmentalists…and pretty much everybody else...

I used to date a German girl. Attractive, but mental, she used to actually enjoy being called disrespectful, outdated wartime references (like ‘Kraut’ and ‘Bosch’ etc)

Anyhoo, she once showed me a script she had written for a piece of theatre drama. It was a pile of utter cocksnot, but here is a quick summary of the plot…

It centred around the longest river in Scotland, and how the people of Perth and Dundee lamented the river’s heavy levels of oil pollution.

(riveting eh?)

However, the ‘twist’ was that upon closer inspection, the ‘oil’ was actually just thousands of cups of discarded tea, chucked in by staff at a nearby café.

So everything was alright.

She left this ‘bombshell’ until the very last line.

Upon reading the script, I immediately dumped the dizzy-arsed German bint, and never saw her again.

All these years later, I do have some happy memories of her, but even now I shudder when I think of the…

…

‘Tay-oils of tea’ Hun-ex play-end
( Pooflake is not funny anymore..., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:02, closed)

*spangs*
VERY HARD
*SPANGS*
Edit: you genius.
( crackhouseceilidhband is bitter in a good way, like olives, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:03, closed)

right!
go to your room!
( spimf ™ is best described as 'risky', Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:05, closed)

I KNEW it!
You bastard!
*presses button on the K-Tech Auto Spanger 2000*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:07, closed)

well played!

took me right to the end!

double grr!

x
( blaireau69 is forging ahead!, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:08, closed)

*superclick*
I was sat there for a good 5 minutes trying to work out the last line :)
(Freddles, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:01, closed)

I was all ready
to take a walk down to the river to see if it looked oily.

*spangs Queerloch*
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:07, closed)

ex
crew she eh ting
(cancer joy I'm afraid it's cancer....., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:17, closed)

COCK PISS BITCH FUCK SHIT BARBRA STREISAND ***####!U!L!T!R!A!S!P!A!N!G###***
I feel utterly sick now :-D

well done *click*
( chart cat will wank for coins, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:46, closed)

*swings arm back*

*spangs*
(TheWeeWitch avoiding DIY for safety's sake .., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:50, closed)

Far too laboured
and just utterly disgusting :P
(keyboardman, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 14:01, closed)

‘Tay-oils of tea’ Hun-ex play-end
Sweet baby Jebus.
(PlumDozer Cook, Pass, Babtridge, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 19:04, closed)