Shoebox Kebab
It's a local delicacy here in the people's republic of South Yorkshire.

Three different types of "meat" (I use the word meat in it's loosest possible form as we all know what sots of flith and dirtyness goes into these artery busters), wrapped up in something that resembles pitta, garnished with something that once grew in a garden.

I challenge anyone to eat one of these in a single sitting!

I suppose the clever thing about this kebabs, despite being far too big for even the biggest whale to tackle in one sitting, is that they have an evil secret weapon. As you munch, the half gallon of liquid lard manages to seap through the cardboard and the untrained will end up with a large embarasing white stain across their groin.

It's like the Glasgow deep fried pizza. Try one in a lifetime, but only one.
(libraryboy Cheer up, you could be french!, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 17:33, 4 replies)

I could finish it if i wanted to
I started writing a sitcom in 1993, as it was relatively new in the UK at the time a lot of it was ripped straight from the Simpsons. It's still not finished, have done 3 and half out of the 6 episodes I had planned. The main reason i couldn't finish it was that whilst I procrastinated, somebody made Game On with Samantha Janus. Whilst my script was better, it shared many themes and ideas so i didn't want to be seen as a thief, especially from such an inferior source.

I also have an unfinished play and childrens book. I'm thinking about starting and not finishing a symphony
(countwilfredthehairy i wasn't born to live, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 17:10, Reply)

First Samurai
Many many years ago, I (well, my family) had an Amiga 500+. There are very few games that I actually completed on there (Zool and Monkey Island 2 are the only ones that spring readily to mind) but the one that really sticks in my mind is First Samurai. Fuck me, that was hard. Gorgeous to look at, loads of fun to play and endlessly quotable ('oh, no, my sword!') but bastard difficult.

After immense struggling on the part of my 11 year old self I finally worked out how to complete the first level, but I couldn't kill the final boss. Disheartened, I gave up for many years...

About 10 years ago, I came across the old girl lurking in a cupboard at the parents and out of nostalgia fired it up for a game. And fuck me, I remembered everything and actually completed the goddamn first level!

Unfortunately I'd lost the manual and with it the access codes to enable me progress to level two! An earsplitting NOOOOOO followed...

I haven't played it since. I will never even see level two, let alone complete the damn thing.
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 17:08, 4 replies)

Things I've started to learn and lost interest in...
In no particular order:

HTML
C+
Visual Basic
Harmonica
Piano
Fencing
Judo
French
Italian
EDIT: and the ukulele too...

It amazes me to this day that I've managed to learn to play the guitar
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 16:55, 10 replies)

My autobiography

(Tristam Shandy, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 16:48, 10 replies)

Wanking
Flicking through the 10 minute freeviews, and I spot a good bit. 'Shall I ejaculate now?' I think to myself.

'Nah, I'll wait, it's bound get better', I argue and carry on with the job in hand.

'Bollocks, I should have cum when I had the chance', the freeview has ended.

I never learn.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 16:35, 2 replies)

These days
I only give fleeting glances to QOTW, choosing to spend most of my time on OT. But I do like to dip in and provide an answer if I do actually have one.

This week was different however. It's not that I don't have unfinished projects because I've got loads. I've got a massive pile of financial engineering and technical programming books lying around my house barely opened. I've got loads of ideas for open source applications I want to start developing. So many songs I want to learn to play on the guitar, others I want to finish writing and record. And then there are my exercise and weights routines that I stick to for only one week out of every two.

I sat down on Saturday to write a little about these constant debacles trying to find an angle to make them humourous but I didn't. Instead I picked up my guitar and started playing. I spent most of Sunday recording. I've still got a fair bit to do but things have taken shape and it sounds like the bare bones of a song.

For all the frustration of these great plans we've had and failed at or given up on, let's not accept it. Let's see in a weeks time from now exactly what we can achieve.

I propose that next week sometime, everyone come back and post here what old project they blew the dust off and how things are going now.

Best of British.
( djtrialprice, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 16:33, 3 replies)

... so anyway, it was early evening, and I'd found a pub in Chelsea, where I was drowning my sorrows having just been dumped by my girlfriend.
These two girls came in who were clearly looking for trouble: one of them spotted my camera, and with the poshest accent known even unto God himself, said "Gosh! Are you a photographer?! I need some modelling shots taken!"

It was obvious that they'd also been drinking, and after buying a round we were soon onto the usual shallow flirtation of the easy and the fast.

It transpired that they were students, this was their local, and that the flat one of them owned was just around the corner.

The most sensible thing to do next seemed to be to go back there for spirits and high jinx.

Once there, we sat in a circle, and, having finished the dregs of the first bottle of vodka, decided to play Truth Or Dare.

The first round consisted of deliberately boring stuff: "What was your first pet's name?" and "What's your favourite colour?" etc, but then suddenly it's like a switch was flicked.

As the bottle spun onto one of the girls, the other one said, staring at her, "Why don't you come here and kiss my belly?"

She leaned backwards, exposing her firm, tanned midrif.

The other leaned forward, with a wicked glint in her eye.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 15:42, 4 replies)

Am I about to start something I'm not going to finish?!!!
Well quite ironic in a way that this QOTW sort of falls onto something that I'm going to attempt to do. Sorry it is a bit of a shameless plug here, but hey its for a good cause.

Ok to recap. I'm an IT bum. I sit infront of a computer day in day out. A few years ago when I was 25 I had a medical and they told me I had the lung capacity of 37 year old and I dont even smoke!

On September 4th, I'm going to get on my bike and pedal from Gibraltar (sat hanging off the bottom of spain) all the way back up to my home town of Rotherham, South Yorkshire. All in aid of cancer charities. The route is about 1,500 miles.

Question is, am I going to make it back? Or will I get as far as Madrid and think. oh sod this! Of course I am! If im having any doubts now then i'm doomed before I even set off! I will make it up there. I'm already training for it. I've pulled off 130 miles on the bike in one day (tho it nearly killed me lol!) but plenty of more time to prepare!

To make matters even more fun. I am doing it solo, I am carrying all my own gear! It will take me 3 - 4 weeks. But I will finish this!

So wish me luck guys, and you can follow my progress on www.gibraltartoyorkshire.co.uk (and if youre feeling nice you can donate to the Jane Tomlinson Cancer Appeal too)

Sorry for the shameless plug. Carry on!
(Miggyman, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 15:30, 5 replies)

The thought has just occured to me that this QOTW
Might be the last one we ever get.

What if it doesn't close?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 14:54, 1 reply)

Desktop tower defence
It is impossible. FACT.
( Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 14:44, 9 replies)

It's not a funny or clever story but...
...back in about 2004 I started a beast of a jigsaw puzzle. 1500 pieces of lingering hatred and horror. The puzzle is a picture of a big pile of dice. Innocent enough little black and white cubes, except they all look exactly the same. There's no way to distinguish part of 1 dice from part of any of the other million little fuckers.

6 years later I've done the outside through trial and error, and about 8 pieces in the bottom left corner, while the living room dining table is still out of bounds.
(Aatxe, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 14:44, 5 replies)

Draco Rattus has reminded me...
I also have an unfinished Skaven army. This is mostly due to the fact that, despite many hours of practice, I can't paint for toffee. That and I kept sticking the little ratties' arms on backwards or, once, on their heads by accident.... FAIL.

Other unfinished projects/uncontinued hobbies:
-salsa dancing
-aikido
-gymnastics (but I did break my back in the middle of that one so I think I'm excused)
-painting

However, I AM really good at finishing cakes. If you don't finish it you can't eat it! :D
( cakelady, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 13:49, 9 replies)

My Novel
I started writing back when I was little and loved it!

I've won prizes for my short stories, and had poetry published all before I was 15. So I decided that the time was right for me to write my novel.

It's a horror story and in the first year or so of writing, I was an absolute machine. I may not have known where the story was going but my god these characters had legs and took the story to all sorts of exciting places. I loved it; friends and family loved it and could never wait for the next instalment.

By the time I was 18, I was writing it on and off, picking it up sometimes and putting it back again, A-Levels kind of got in the way, you know how it goes.

Shortly after A-Levels, Uni arrived to provide me with yet more distraction in the form of education, men, booze and the rest. But I had an old borrowed laptop (until my proper computer arrived) and I decided one sunny afternoon that I needed to get back into The Novel. The best way to do this, I decided was to write the final chapter, the one that I was really excited about writing.

I wrote and wrote and it was awesome! The whole story had come to a close and it was wonderful.

But then, the laptop decided that it didn't want to face the world anymore. It died a coward's death taking the hard drive and all its contents with it. Including my final chapter.

I never wrote another word.

I've picked it up again a couple of times since, sniggering a little at the pretentious writings of my 15 year old self. It’s still a good story, and I still intend to finish it one day and write that last chapter again. But for now, I am faced with my friends doing a Stewie Griffin impression whenever the novel comes into conversation.

"How's your novel coming along, hmm?"
"You got some well rounded characters in there? Hmm?"
etc...

Feel free to join them...

I'm actually going to write a movie next.
(Katzilla Follow Me! @Kat_Zilla (I don't promise funnehs), Tue 29 Jun 2010, 13:30, 5 replies)

A well stocked drinks cabinet
I'd love to be able to mix up a cocktail or two for the summer. The problem is I never seem to have more than one bottle of booze in the house at a time. How do these people not drink it all once its opened?

I'd like to be able to make this; but the initial outlay is a bit much!


Long Island Iced Tea recipe
1 part vodka
1 part Tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Coca-Cola®



AND Never been able to get pasted the first boss on Ninja gaiden. Die on the way to him 1/2 the time too :(
(waxdart hello., Tue 29 Jun 2010, 13:16, 6 replies)

Retro: David and Final Fantasy VII
There was a lad I went to school with. David Tetley. Odd lad, likeable enough. Always had the latest gadgets, courtesy of daddy. When Final Fantasy VII came out he was the first to have it.

He liked to rub that in our faces. We had to save for aaaaaaaaaages.

Mind you, he didn't have a memory card. So he'd get anything from one to six hours into the game then have to turn it off and start again.

He's still never made it out of Midgar...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 12:47, 4 replies)

Since we're doing computer games....
Parasite Eve 2

Never managed to beat the final boss, who I believe has 3 different forms IIRC.

I gave it a go a few years ago and gave up, got sidetracked with other games and over the years I either lost the memory card or wiped the data.

I recently gave it another go and got to the exact same place.
Bastard game!
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I sure as hell wasn't finished
ripping the piss out of 'leglesss'.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 12:16, 8 replies)

I called it the Grifley.
Fourteen years old, getting handy(er) with a spanner, I decided to make something. How many here remember the Grifter? The second choice of teenagers, first for weightlifters. I'd had one quite a while, and decided it needed a pimping.
I also had a Raleigh racery style thing which was well past its use by date. So my brain put two and two together and came up with... The Grifley.
Taking the front wheel off of the Raleigh and prying the forks apart, I found I could fit the spindle bolt through both forks effectively making a crude tandem.
The Grifley required two people to ride it because the chain had to come off the Grifter part in order to make the other wheel fit. So the rider at the rear had to put in all the effort. Due to the same Heath Robinson effect in place, there was a distinct lack of braking ability, shown up to You've Been Frameable levels on her maiden voyage.
I'd roped my sister in to help, poor assistant of doom that she often turned out to be in my schemes. Not only that, I'd reserved the front seat and the kudos of steering myself, leaving her to be the twelve year old powerhouse. (Steering was as weird as you might think, considering it turned in the middle as well.)
The Grifley made it round the cul-de-sac in fine form. It made it across the juction to get us home. But when it had to deal with the slight incline of the drive, the lack of brakes (my 'unfinished' bit) proved my folly. Travelling at speed now, my only recourse to stop the rampant machine was to embed the front of it into a skip which at this point resided in the drive at the bottom.
The skip did perform well in slowing the bike(s) down. Sadly the momentum I carried wasn't erased in the same manner. I ended up face first in the rubbish. Which was where the Grifley ended up very soon after.

Lessons learnt in terms of finishing a job didn't last long, however, the next project was less bruising.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 11:40, 2 replies)

Digging a hole
I only managed half.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 9:10, 2 replies)

there are a few b3tans who gave up half way
on being wits
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 7:00, 2 replies)

Most classic films...
I have to admit I have hardly seen any of the classics. Scarface, nope. The Godfather, Again no. Resevoir Dogs, any batman film or anything based on a superhero or comic for that matter. No star wars for me. The problem isn't so much that I don't want to watch them it's more that every one else has already seen them. So you sit down to watch a film and you get comments like "this part is awesome" and "wait until you see this". It kinda ruins it for me. And I suppose I could watch them on my own, but that's just boring. So I end up starting them and never finishing them.

I finally managed to watch the whole of Pulp Fiction in 2008 after about 8 aborted attempts. Only because I was forced to sit down by a mate who was aghast that I hadn't seen it. It only took me 4 years to watch Apocalyse now and that was by breaking it down into manageable chunks. I actually have a fairly hefty DVD wallet of films I have yet to watch. I think I have about 100 films that I still have to see that I have been collecting over the last 10 yrs or so. Every now and again I would get some £3 deal in asda or HMV and my collection was considerably bolstered by my trip to Thailand.

I really think I need to stop buying films...
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 0:01, 6 replies)

Currently, any sort of night out
I have just finished my degree, woot! So now I have the time to go out partying til the wee small hours without a care in the world, right? Right. For some godforsaken reason, my (22 year old!) body hits 10pm and goes "Oh goodie, bedtime soon!" and by 11pm I am fast asleep, and if I'm not somewhere I can go to sleep, then I'll be desperately fighting the droopy eyelids and urge to snore loudly in public. And the stupid thing is I'm sleeping through to 10am the next morning!! I can't even seem to stay awake much over 12 hours! I think it's the result of doing 4 years of chemistry, my brain appears to have shut down. I don't think I even blame it, to be honest. My body would like the chance to get abused a bit while it can though. Degrees are bad for your health, kids.

On a completely QOTW unrelated note but slightly related to this extremely boring post, I woke up at 9am on Saturday to find my hayfever-ridden boyfriend snoring merrily away. Deciding I wanted at least another half hour's kip (see above) I kicked him to make him shut up. He rolled all the way over from his front to his back, carried on snoring, then sneezed and woke himself up. The look on his face was priceless, I couldn't go back to sleep for laughing like a loon :D

Length? Well, at least I made an effot.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 23:47, 6 replies)

once upon a time
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 23:16, 9 replies)

Well
Physics degree - got pregnant
Bought a guitar - was pregnant
Learning to drive - got pregnant

I'm not getting pregnant anymore. But did pass my test a month ago.
One day I may finish the degree. Once I get that guitar tuned I will get lessons.
( moogy boobles, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 21:36, 8 replies)

I just can't learn things...
I have a banjo.

I have a nice digital camera, couple of lenses, gert big flash and a Flickr acount.

I have a set of golf clubs.

I may also have a trumpet.

I think I have a violin somewhere.

I've downloaded the Python runtime.

I've spent hours installing and configuring Sharepoint on my work laptop.

I used to have a motorbike.

I've downloaded some sort of open source 3D modelling program.

All these things I was going to be awesome at. I even deliberately picked stuff that you only have to be mediocre at to be better than everyone else. I mean really, how many people do you actually know who play the Banjo? All I needed to do was learn how to knock out 1 tune.

So many potential pastimes. So many things I was going to learn and, dare I say master. Well, maybe not master, but at least become competent at. And what am I actually good at? None of them. The banjo lives in a box in the spare room. The camera doesn't even come out of the house, since I'm all self conscious about looking like a twat. The violin, the trumpet, Sharepoint, the Flickr account - All of them fell by the wayside. I just can't stick to anything for longer than a couple of weeks. It's shameful.

At the moment the golf clubs live in the boot of the car, though, and even get regularly used. Who knows how long that'll last, and what harebrained plan I'll come up with next?

Sorry. Not very funny, but I discovered many moons ago that I also never really got the hang of storytelling.
(Benjimawoo, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 20:31, 18 replies)

mariokart double dash
i've been playing this bloody game for about 3 years. i've got gold in every race, nobody can beat me on the time trials, but i fear i will never be finished with it.
the reason? i'm determined to beat my best times. as soon as i do, i immediately think "i can go faster than that!"
so i try. i try and try and try. every morning, i'll have at least one race, just trying to outdo myself.
yes, i suffer with slight racing-game OCD.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 19:31, 6 replies)

Bachelor's degree
My first contact with the University was in 1997. 13 years later and I am still planning to complete my bachelor's degree. It's not that it's too hard, but I don't have the motivation to study for the exams...
(Km, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 18:25, Reply)

chucky egg
I think I got to level 4000 and something before the plug was pulled from the wall. I had to go and visit my grandfather, who died. But not until several years later. In conclusion I did not complete the game of chucky egg.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 17:34, 2 replies)