snow way to behave
We had a bowling green near where i lived as a kid. It was absolutely pristine. To the greenkeeper known to everyone as Old Charlie this was not merely a job it was a calling. Unfortunately it was also Old Charlies calling to be the most cantankerous old bastard I’ve ever met. Charlie and I had regular dealings as one of his other duties was to look after the crazy golf course in the adjoining park, a duty he deeply resented so he was never pleasant about handing out putters and balls to ‘little buggers’ like me.

One crisp morning I awoke to find it had been snowing heavily all night, beautiful deep fluffy snow. Soon enough I ended up over at park where I spotted the bowling green. It was quite a site: a perfect square of 6 inch deep pristine snow. The combination of fresh snow and mirror flat surface mean rolling balls of snow for a snowman was a pure joy. The short clipped grass meant the snow rolled up like a carpet to leave a wonderful bright green stripe beneath. I soon abandoned the notion of a snowman in favour of rolling the biggest snowball I could manage. And I do mean big – eventually when I was forced to stop because of the sheer size and weight of the thing. The fucker was as tall as me and only the flat surface and sheer puffing and groaning determination had allowed me to roll it that big. It was then an evil icy plan was hatched.

I’d have loved to have seen Charlies face when he arrived to see his beloved bowling green a bright square of grass in an otherwise Narnia like landscape. The green was completely bare, except of course for the neat triangle of six stonkingly massive snowballs in the centre.

I even had the cheek to go back a day later sit and watch him curse and struggle trying to dismantle the now frosted, rock hard heavy as a bastard handiwork I had left for him. They had partially melted, slumped together then refroze during the night so it had become impossible to simply roll them off the green. So Old Charlies only option was to dismantle what must have been well over a ton of ice and snow using nothing more than a shovel and wheelbarrow. With me throwing in helpful comments like – can I still play crazy golf in the snow Charlie?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 13:37, Reply)