Broadcast to the world...
The best vomit story comes courtesy of an old friend of mine.

We were both pupils at a choir school that broadcasts a Christmas service on the radio on Christmas Eve.
He was a choirboy - I was not.
He had to spend every day with choir rehearsals and service on top of normal schoolwork - I didn't.
He had the most sensitive stomach in the known universe - I don't.

If you listened to this broadcast on Christmas Eve 1994, you would have heard the beautiful, pure tones of a boy treble soaring to the rafters in a ethereal rendition of the first verse of "Once in Royal David's City". You would have heard the congregation joining in for the others verses, as the choir processed from the door to the choirstalls. You would have heard the generable muttering and shifting as the congregation sat themselves back down to listen to the first reading. You would have heard a short intake of breath as the reader prepared to declaim forth the first lesson.

And then you would have heard a sudden yeeaaaaaarccchhhhhblub as my friend vomited copiously over himself, his fellow choristers, and the immediate vicinity. You would have heard some faltering footsteps, and then a quieter gleurghhhhhh splot splot splot of chunks hitting the famous marbled floor as he tried to run to the vestry.

You would have heard nothing but the shocked silence of the entire choir, conductor, collection of vicars and 1000-strong congregation, as they realised that yes, this was being broadcast live on Radio 4.

And then you have heard the reader breathe in once again, and start the lesson with the faintest trace of horror resonating through his voice.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 12:46, 2 replies)

That
is utterly brilliant.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Jan 2010, 12:49, closed)

Ha!
"Once in Royal" makes me feel ill, too...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:16, closed)