war games
about 2 years ago, i got the chance to go paintballing, something i'd long wanted to do. if you've never done it, i strongly reccommend you do.
we got split into 4 groups, with each group comprised of 2 opposing teams. then, we were taken through the safety procedures(if you lift your helmet's visor, they really WILL throw you out), given our guns and shown to our first battleground.
i was in the white team. we were fighting the blue team. we took up positions inside a crudely constructed log "castle" and awaited the enemy's attack.
it was laughable. a bunch of middle-aged dads and teenage lads, crashing through the undergrowth with all the stealth of a rhino on viagra. they didn't stand a chance.
i'd been lucky enough to nab myself a sniper's position and, let me tell you, the first time you see one of your paint bullets explode all over someone's rented combat gear, you get a buzz in your head that lets you know you definitely want to see it again.
all through the afternoon, we defended and attacked various wooden structures, taking many a hit in the process. being shot in the arse HURTS. i can't complain, though, i did manage to accidentally(yes, really) shoot someone in the cock. this stopped the others using my arse as target practice.
the last battle of the day is a free-for-all, no-holds barred, last man standing tussle that anyone who wants to can be in. as it was getting late by this time and the last battle is known for being more vicious than the others, several parents were dragging their protesting offspring out of the battle zone. bad luck for the kids. as a result of this, there was a great deal of ammo being given away by said parents. good luck for me.
i went into that last battle fully tooled up with about 3,000 paint bullets, 5 paint grenades and 3 smoke grenades. fuck teamwork, i was going rambo on these cunts.
screaming like a banshee, i tore off down the hill towards enemy lines, shooting at anything that moved, be it friend, foe or unfortunate squirrel. i have never had so much fun in my life. i took out 3 of my own team, 8 enemies, one marshal and covered the place in paint and smoke.
i arrived home tired, bruised from head to foot, but extremely happy. i could easily have gone again the next day.
war may be hell, but paintball is fucking epic.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 3 Jun 2012, 15:27, 20 replies)

fuck paintball!
Im airsoft all the way
(ASSASIN killed someone Yonks ago, Sun 3 Jun 2012, 22:38, closed)

not tried it yet

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 15:32, closed)

Yep, spot on
Although I have to say, a paintball skimming across your bald head without bursting REALLY FUCKING HURTS.

I doubt any *real* soldiers have ever rolled around behind a tree furiously rubbing the top of their head and going "Nnnnnnngghh"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 0:00, closed)

That would depend upon which head you're on about.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 2:10, closed)

probably not
but i'd love to see it if they did
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 15:52, closed)

This wins through sheer force of fun.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 9:19, closed)

Oh aye.
I went paintballing for my hen do. My bridesmaids/friends (some of them being very girly girls) weren't all that excited until we got there, and then they got so into it they were crawling along on their bellies, hiding in piles of leaves and making up authentic-looking hand signals to communicate with someone lying next to them in a ditch. As soon as it was over, they went back to complaining about how dirty they were, and that they'd chipped a nail. *sigh*
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 10:52, closed)

it's always the women who seem to get into it the most

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 15:53, closed)

^^This
My sister was exactly the same
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 12:04, closed)

It's all fun and games until PJ gets blinded.

( Pig Bodine., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 11:58, closed)

I once captured the flag once
I was having a bad moment, pinned down by enemy paintball fire behind a barrel. The sounds, the screams, the splatter of yellow... as friend after friend got hit.Then I saw my chance, the enemy had the flag only a few feet away from me. I crept around on my belly and took my shot.

Shot the fucker in the arm, he dropped the flag and I pelted it towards the middle platform, dropping my gun - a valiant charge towards certain death bruising, paintballs narrowly missing my (admittedly helpful) lanky form. I swooped up the flag and brough great honour to my work mates by winning the match.

Yup great fun.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:03, closed)

ah, team building exercises
the best way to build up a pile of grudges against your colleagues :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 12:20, closed)

As the first reply said, you like paintball, give airsoft a try. Not quite as painful and balls are a damn sight cheaper. 6 or 7 quid for 3000 which is more than enough for a day.
I'm mid 40's, over weight, asthmatic and still roll around in the mud in the woods every month or so pretending to be a soldier.
(Darth Thump, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 12:55, closed)

i may well have to try this
as paintballs are bloody expensive for what they are. then again, i really like inflicting pain on people, so i don't know ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 13:26, closed)

I've been on 3 occasions
Aside from misjudging the number of paintballs I needed first time round, and being shot in the head from point blank range on one occasion (shot him in the cock in revenge), it's incredible fun, and well worth the money.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 12:06, closed)

i do love it, it's great fun
but i have trouble finding people to go with me. they've accused me of being too vicious :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:34, closed)

I'm just butting in here for no good reason
whatsoever, but I must say I can't imagine anything more tedious than paintballing.

Maybe grocery shopping with Susan Boyle?

No. Sorry, even that would be more exciting.
(username failed moderation, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 12:09, closed)

Don't knock it til you've tried it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 12:20, closed)

I know, you're absolutely
right, but I'd rather remove my own spleen with a dessert spoon than do that.

I suspect it's because it reminds me of a corporate team building kind of thing, the mere thought of which makes me splutter with rage.

Suppose I'm in an oddly contradictory position - I hate people, but refuse to take the opportunity of injuring them with paintballs.
(username failed moderation, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:20, closed)

as good a reason as any
just because i find something fun, there's absolutely nothing to say you should find it fun, too.
horses, as they say, for courses.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:35, closed)