Mental Van Rental
My brother-in-law - we shall call him Andrew, because that is his name - used to work with another brother-in-law, John, in a blacksmiths forge.

Andrew decided he needed a van to run around in, chuck stuff in the back and not care too much about. He rang around, and his mates at the local scrap yard informed him of a Bedford Van that had just been brought in. It was a bit bent & rusty, but still road legal and with 8 months MOT & 4 months tax - yours for £80 - bargain. Oh, it doesn't start because the fanbelt snapped....

John & Andrew set off in the works transit van to said scrapyard which is deep in the Sussex countryside. On arrival at the scrapyard, £80 changes grubby hands, and the Bedford is tied to to the rear of the Transit for the long tow home through the lanes. All is going well, until a long sweeping bend. Turning into the bend, Andrew realises his rookie mistake of not putting the keys in the ignition, as the steering lock suddenly clicks on. With the steering locked, he frantically pumps at the brakes which fail to respond due to the engine not running.

Cut to scene of John in the Transit looking bemused out of the side window as Andrew overtakes him on this beautiful countryside bend, snapping the tow rope and crashing spectacularly into a very solid, ancient stone wall surrounding a church.

The dust & rust cloud settles. The impact was so bad that the van is now a write-off, and Andrew has to open the rear doors to retrieve his bobble hat.

A call is made to the same scrapyard who come and pick up the van and give Andrew £30 scrap value, pissing themselves loudly at the same time. Net result, £50 spent on renting a van for half an hour, a ride of terror and making yourself look like a complete bell-end.
(SausageWarrior destination Zululand, come on boys jump in the van, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 5:37, 4 replies)

Ha ha
Brilliant. Had me laughing out loud!
(dchurch bah, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 7:54, closed)

Like an Ealing Comedy
Marvelous!

I had the steering lock come on on a motorbike once... not a nice feeling! Thankfully it could only happen at slow speed, since you don't turn the bars when you're moving properly. Apart from the minor injuries and bike damage, the worst thing was that the old git from across the street had to help me pick up the bike, since it was on a steep hill...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 9:39, closed)

lovely
clicks giggling
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 14:50, closed)

Andrew has to open the rear doors to retrieve his bobble hat

My dinner almost came out of my nose!
( user_names_suck, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:15, closed)