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This is a question The B3TA Detective Agency

Universalpsykopath tugs our coat and says: Tell us about your feats of deduction and the little mysteries you've solved. Alternatively, tell us about the simple, everyday things that mystified you for far too long.

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 12:52)
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Supposed "friends" on facebook
My Ex wife (after she decided to leave) had an incredible amount of info on my relationships post marriage, and was trying everything to annoy / harrass me after I decided to carry on with my life.

I decided to look through my "friends" to see who was still in contact with her and then fed them all the same story, but with slightly different details about what I was doing (there was something similar in a John LeCarre book). The theory being, the details she acquired would point to the culprit.

Lo and behold, a few days later I got a verbatim account via email of how I was being "unfaithful" (even though she'd already left for 6 months) and 2 separate sets of details were included...

2 very polite messages to the once trusted people telling them in no uncertain terms where they could insert their own heads and I've been left alone since.

George Smiley would've been proud.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:16, closed)
So, your story is 'my friends actually all liked my ex better, what with me being a paranoid control freak'?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:31, closed)
Or 'my friends are grown up enough to talk to both of us after a split, sadly, I'm not'.

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:35, closed)
Neither
I'd spoken to them about what she was doing and yet they still passed on as much detail as they could. Not exactly the actions of a friend.

I still have a fair few friends who are in contact with her and they don't cause me any issues
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:41, closed)
Because you have no friends now?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:43, closed)
Hmmm....
Attempting to goad me into some form of arguement or just insulting someone through an anonymous forum?

Or maybe you didn't read the last sentence of my previous post?
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:47, closed)
'George Smily would have been proud'?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:48, closed)
"I still have a fair few friends who are in contact with her and they don't cause me any issues"
Is that clear enough?
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:51, closed)
You're a prick ok
cheers
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:53, closed)
Such an original comment
Many thanks for your constructive criticism
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:56, closed)
Ah Rory
But you are an arsehole
(, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 9:44, closed)
This is still coming across as a bit paranoid and creepy still.
Sometimes, my friends talk to my exes about what I'm doing and I still talk to them, what with me not giving a flying what they think about what I'm doing nowadays.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:54, closed)
There are some of my friends who do still talk to her...
But as I'm no longer receiving emails that are nasty from her, I can only assume that the ones I deleted from my contacts were gaining some sort of perverse pleasure from the whole debacle.

Either way, it's one less thing for me to have to deal with
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:58, closed)
You know that email has a 'block' function, right?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:00, closed)
Yep...
I've still got 5 accounts blocked that she used
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:01, closed)
So instead of ignoring/blocking emails from someone,
you decided to put loads of effort into finding out who was telling her stuff, then just blocked her anyway?
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:03, closed)
Pretty much...
But I decided to figure out who it was, as why would i want to remain friends with anyone who betrayed a confidence?
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:06, closed)
Why was it a secret from your ex, exactly?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:15, closed)
My relationships weren't a secret.... there were other comment from her too.
For some reason she'd decided not to leave me alone. So rather than continually blocking email addresses I decided to figure out where she was getting her info from.

I figured it out, situation over.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:22, closed)
So, it wasn't a secret, but you've thrown a wobbly because it was supposed to be secret?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:33, closed)
I can't see how I can make it any clearer...
1: Started receiving nasty emails from her
2: Blocked her email addresses
3: Still she kept emailing
4: Figured out how she got her info
5: Disowned the "friends" who were providing her with it
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:53, closed)
But you've said 'it wasn't a secret', so why is it a problem that they talk to your ex?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 20:30, closed)
Or were perhaps, just people who spoke to her socially about stuff.

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:07, closed)
Possibly, but I doubt it
why else would she have created further email accounts after being blocked and keep emailing me after more than 6 months?

Like I've already said, I have friends who are still in touch with her and there has been no repeat of the aforementioned actions.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:11, closed)
Were you about 14 when this was all going on?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:12, closed)
13 actually
It's against my religion to get married after 14
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:16, closed)
AB is probably one of the least anonymous people on B3TA

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:35, closed)
True
for such a public figure I'm surprised at some of what he posts.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 19:25, closed)
I use the best bits for addressing the parish council.

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 21:25, closed)
Jesus.
You could have just, you know, grown the fuck up and moved on like what normal people do.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 17:56, closed)
Oh don't discourage him
This is actually a story about being vaguely detectivish in a sea of "How comes der mundane bollocks is mundane?"
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 18:48, closed)
That went well, didn't it?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 20:12, closed)
Careful
You're angling for a punch on the nose.
(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 20:41, closed)
Is that a salt or freshwater catch?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 20:50, closed)
They are no longer within 'the circle of trust' then,
So this was basically a 'purge'. They're your friends, it's up to you whatever criteria you wish your friends to fulfil, it does seem a bit mad to me but then again so probably would your ex-missus.
(, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 3:12, closed)
Excellent work!
I would have done exactly the same thing!
(, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 3:27, closed)
Nicely done
Lots of maturity shown in the face of some rather idiotic teasing here and in real life.

'Click'
(, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 15:28, closed)
Well I think you is clever
and have more friends than me as well
(, Sun 16 Oct 2011, 17:43, closed)

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