Last of the Summer Wine:
It was their wedding night. Compo had waited for this night for a long time.
He was all nervous energy. He glanced over to Nora who was sweeping the floor.
"Come to bed," he said.
"I suppose you want to consummate our marriage?" she replied.
She studied him. She realised that resisting any longer was futile. She dropped the broom and sat beside him on the bed.
Compo ran his fingers through Nora's greasy locks.
"By 'eck you're gorgeous," he uttered into her ear.
"Do me up me ginnel," she whispered back.
Compo lifted up Nora's stained skirt and started to roll down her stockings.
"What you doing? Just pull down t'britches. My legs are freezin'," she cried.
As Compo pulled down her wind sail sized knickers, he whipped out his old boy, introduced it into her 'ginnel,' and started thrusting.
"Christ. I'm already flaggin' and I've haven't even busted me nut yet," whined Compo.

----End of sample----

Ebook available on amazon.co.uk
( $$ ✅, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 13:50, 12 replies)

Stop this

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 14:16, closed)

Eeeh that were right grand.
*Wipes away tear*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 4 Nov 2014, 15:32, closed)

I hope you die of Ebola

(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Tue 4 Nov 2014, 15:33, closed)

Me cat ran up 'er ginnel.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 15:56, closed)

"do me up me ginnel"
beautiful
( rofl harris, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 16:43, closed)

This actually an adaptation
In the original she says "Never mind me dirty legs, whop it up me".
(Anthony Burgess' Chocolate Orange, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 20:48, closed)

"Chuck yer muck up me, chuck!"

(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 17:11, closed)

FOR FUCK'S SAKE

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 19:06, closed)

Compo....
... its funny how all the humour has been robbed from the image of the scruffy, pervy, molesty old man, these past few years
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 20:00, closed)

cor!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Nov 2014, 20:59, closed)

It's like an antidote to Skagra.
And much funnier.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 5 Nov 2014, 1:09, closed)