No fat chicks.
One and only foray into "internet dating". Mate belonged to match.com or something and forwarded me the dregs. Nice of him I thought.

Anyway, got along well on the phone. Lived a couple of miles away. Arranged to meet in a bar (in Ware, Herts).

You know that bit in the Office Xmas special where Brent is outside talking to camera moaning about the quality of his 'dates' and the large lady walks up and he does a marvellously timed "oh for fucks sa..."? Well he nicked that moment from me. And like Brent, she saw me do it. Can't fake the eyes....

So we carried on the charade and to be fair, she was alright and was prepared to get past my initial preconceptions. I however wasn't. I really am not that grown up as I'm sure some of you know if you look at my previous answers.

I was trapped. We ended up in restaurant that appeared to be a shrine to Gillian Taylforth. My date, then did what can only be described as , spazzed out. For 5 minutes. This consisted of looking a bit weird and freezing. She 'locked up'. I thought she was taking the piss. I almost poked her with my fork and then she just resumed where she left off not missing a beat nor acknowledging that anything had just happened.

Because it was persisting it down outside I walked her home. Stupid stupid stupid. She immediately put on a CD that I recognised - "oh yes I bought it when you told me you liked them". Jesus. Go go go.

She made me sit on the couch and she sat on the floor crosslegged. Showing me quite clearly that she had no underwear on.

As i started to run, she grabbed my arm and said "don't go, please. I haven't been fucked since 2001"

I didn't stay. Not even with yours mate.

Lessons learnt:
1. Always, always, always insist on a recent photo. No head shots.
2. All internet girls are fat*
3. If they 'lock up' for 5 minutes, theres something horribly wrong with them.

*based on the one girl I met.

IHROOC.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 18:25, Reply)