Not me, but...
A teacher I knew in college was ex(ish)-navy. One day he regailed us with a story about how life on ship can get really incredibly boring. So, to lighten the mood many of the crew pretended to be riding motorbikes. Before they started to 'walk' the would pop out the kick start bit (peg?) jump on it and make the noise of the engine (Vroom!) then twist the right wrist with apporpriate sound effects and go.
Well, one day some top brass people were visiting and a crewman went past at high speed on his 'bike' (imagine the doppler effect engine sound).
"Stop that man!" said the surprised VIP to one of the people showing him round.
"Cerainly, sir," said the sergeant (do the navy have sergeants? I dunno - equivalent thereof. Anyways...) "Cerainly, sir," he said and kick started his own bike in persuit!


Length? An ocean-going vessel of some sort, so not small.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 12:38, closed)

*giggle*
*click*
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 12:39, closed)

yeah, what enzyme said
and for the first time today as an awful lot of folk seem to be just out-cunting the cunts.
(bazmorningstar of Bethlehem Meal Of Yule On Time. Xmas dinner must be punctual, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 12:42, closed)

Wow
There's a bit of anger there. Please, all calm down. Try stroking a kitten. If a kitten is not available, do what I do; play with my balls.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 12:44, closed)

What if
your balls aren't available? eg You might live a long way away from me.

Oh, I see what you mean.

* Not that I would want to play with someone else's anyway.

** Not that there's anything wrong with that.
(salvadorevincent says buy my book: www.vennthattune.com, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 14:56, closed)

haha
Clicked! It's what keeps our Navy the best in the world.
(BombayMick was a cheeky tinker on, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 12:43, closed)

Dubious about this one
I read this somewhere else recently
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 12:55, closed)

Big place,
the navy.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:01, closed)

Big Lie,
Your post
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:08, closed)

Who cares
It elicited a giggle or three.

Please don't tell me you're surprised to find something on the internet that may not be entirely true?
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:23, closed)

I'm not trying to troll here...
I am getting tired of the transparent lies on QOTW, If its an amusing story which you have heard/read someplace else, why not state it in the post rather than trying to claim it as your own?
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:34, closed)

I did hear it someplace else
A teacher at college, like I said.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 14:19, closed)

Take it on the chin.
You read that story on the Internet and vainly tried to incorporate it into a part of your life to sound amusing for this weeks question.

I and probably others found your story amusing and would have thought no less of you for being honest.
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 14:48, closed)

I've read that joke in FHM.
.
( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:01, closed)

Uhuh.
This is a story from www.playgroundlaw.com
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:04, closed)

In fact, i even linked to it on /talk not long ago.
www.b3ta.com/talk/5713317
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:07, closed)

AH!
THATS where I read it. Not FHM. Look at me... Telling lies on QOTW. What kind of twat does that?!
( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:11, closed)

Ah, true.
But /talk is a scary place.

I admit, I wasn't there (didn't have the lobotomy to join the armed forces), but I'm willing to believe the bloke who told me ('cos he was in the navy and it did sound plausable). Also, this is a fun thing to do in almost any place. I used to do to in school (but with cars complete with gear changes, hand brake turns and opposite lock)

And you might be a smelly poo-poo head.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:20, closed)

Talk is about as scary as a fluffy bunny. A dead one at that.
After a few posts the teasing will stop. It's an initiation.
( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:25, closed)

Ah, but that's not the issue
I'm rarely in front of a PC for more than 5 mins. So anything I post, I won't read the reply(s) until about 2 hours later. I've been on this too long and now I have to go away to work. Bloody servers.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:28, closed)

CHINNY OF THE WEEK

( Little Donkey Gums can only last 22 hours without mentioning fannies, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:10, closed)

I don't know what that means.
Unless it's CHINNY REC-CON! Ahh, those carefree school days of about 1992. Why has the excitment of life left?
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:21, closed)

We HAd
CHIN-NEY GREENBEARD!

Wonder if it ever caught on.

Also to say I'm not arsed if it's made up or an urban legend, made me laugh and click!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 13:47, closed)

Oooh I like that one
New one to me.

We had Jimmy Hill, Itchy Chin, Chinner, My chin my chin, Chinny Reck-on, and a hilarious action mimicking the winding up of a huge beard and throwing it over one's shoulder.

But not Chinny Greenbeard - I'm going to see if I can spread this around the East End, I'll let you know how I get on.
(Monty Boyce : the voice of reason as always, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 14:12, closed)

I heard a similar story
the version I heard was to do with a sixthformer at my old school. Apparently he crashed, fell off his airbike and rolled spectacularly down the hill to the bottom playing field, covering himself in a great big turd as he rolled. He was so traumatised that he never rode his airmotorbike again. That is how I heard it anyways.
(herefromthere, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 21:51, closed)