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This is a question Worst Band Ever

If I was in charge of the B3ta fatwa department, we wouldn't be hearing too much from Simply Red in the future. Who's on your musical shit list and why?

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:00)
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The Worst Band In The World ... by quite a bit.

Oh dear. I've perused the board on at least one occasion every single week of the 8 years and 28 days that I've been a member, yet I've never actually posted anything until today. I can't for the life of me think why not. I just assumed I'd been joining in all along. Talk about a new breed of slack. I shall go and face the corner.

Am I perhaps the laziest of all B3tans?

(answers on a postcard, please)

Anyhow, back in the '90s, I was one half of Pwürg (and still am, at least on paper). Pwürg possibly don't belong on this thread, being arguably the finest lo-fi Carnival/Goth/Doom/Fairground genre crossover band ever to have come out of the Thames Valley area.

(Indeed, longtime B3tans may fondly remember my dear friend and co-conspirator, Mr Lucas Bones - aka Kallus - whose lovely spore-related artwork used to regularly pepper this very board.)

BOBO+BOBO, on the other hand, are a different kettle of fish.

As young protégés of our long-time associate and producer - the legendary Ray Hurley-Castle - BOBO+BOBO came into being solely to be the worst band in the world.

A few years back, a talented Tokyo musician, working under the pseudonym of Syntax Terror, firmly laid down his handkerchief at the feet (or possibly chin) of Melbourne-based tunesmith Bobolino and challenged him to a musical duel.

Their mission was to listen to the greatest and most popular songs of the last hundred years and observe the elements that make them so endearing and enduring ... then completely leave all that good stuff out. They were each to create what they felt was the worst song of all time - a tune that was bad in every imaginable respect.

While Syntax Terror forged ahead on his lonesome, Bobolino hooked up with Bobolina (who was either his girlfriend, wife, mistress or sister, depending on which version you believe) and together they became BOBO+BOBO. Their resultant anti-masterpiece was to unanimously beat "The Aerobic Detective" hands down. Syntax Terror conceded defeat.

"My Love Is Soft (Fluffy Puppy)" was born.

This contagiously-repetitive musical nightmare quite possibly IS the worst song ever recorded.

Indeed, the man charged with mastering the atrocity - one of the UK's top audio engineers - conveyed the following to Ray:

"When I first played it to my colleague, she was in tears within 20 seconds and still in shock 20 minutes later. The song is now firmly lodged in my internal jukebox (or ear worm, as the Germans call it). It's now a game here in the studio to try and plant the song in each other's heads, testament to how catchy and annoying it is. We can do it with just the words "like a puppy" or "my love is soft", usually to loud protestations. I hate you."

To make matters worse, an accompanying video clip was brought into being. This will very much give you the full experience - so watch at your own peril.

Friends, Romans, B3tans ... I give you
BOBO+BOBO: The Worst Band In The World:

My Love Is Soft (Fluffy Puppy)

(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 3:08, closed)
That is some truly epic lurkage.
You joined two months after me!
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 5:29, closed)
And yes, I remember Kallus
whatever happened to him? Mad as a bag of wet mice if I recall.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 5:32, closed)

Ah, magic. And, yes, as mad as a bag of wet mice, indeed. But nice ones, I might add. Kallus is a very special person.

I really wish I could tell the B3ta realm exactly where he is and what he's doing but, sadly, nobody knows. We live on opposite sides of the globe these days, otherwise I'd be hunting him down in person. Actually, I wouldn't need to. I'd already know where he was. And would probably have a tent pitched in his Sporeforest™.

But the fact remains, all known websites appear to be down and I've not heard a peep from the fellow since July 2009 (whereby our conversation naturally concluded "Hope the Glens are moist and vibrant! I HAVE THE CHEESE").

I might add that none of this is completely out of character. And although - to be perfectly honest - myself and other friends DO get rather concerned when we haven't heard anything for a while, I've heard nothing bad, and I know that his brain has been pretty perky in recent years - so I'm quietly confident that all is fine and dandy in rural Kallusland™ away from the cybernets, and that he's simply enjoying the West Country life with paintbrush, his partner and two young children. As he probably should be.

So when all of us least expect it, no doubt he shall make himself known once again. And when he does, we can all share a violent jug of muddled fronds and will feel much better for it. That's for sure.
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:50, closed)
That Is Truly Bad

But, I can't help thinking that, with different music, lyrics, artists and production they might have had a hit on their hands.......

(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:12, closed)
Don't forget the all-important marketing budget....

(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:22, closed)
I love your soft soft puppies
I can see Simon Cowell going for that. (I also have been lurking for a great many years).
(, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:33, closed)

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