I'm tired of this QOTW and TALK divide.
They're shit at the internet, and we really should make them better people.
That's why I, JMG suggest "ADOPT A LONER". A week of befriending a QOTW user. Teaching them not to over-exaggerate situations, slowly drag away from a life of needing internet pity, and over here to /talk.
Let's be honest, you're a terrible bunch of shitheads, but these people are a grade lower.


I'll adopt geordieal because God knows whatever I type on here these days, he'll reply to it.
Feel free to pick your own.


Try and stay clear of fat birds.

Line break.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

What if
you QOTW and /talk?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

News just in:
Verbs now unnecessary. More at 8.
( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Sorry.
What if you post on QOTW and on /talk?

Can 'to QOTW' not become a verb? Please?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Spread stories of better internet amongst the QOTW Rolling Dahls.
You have a duty!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Alright then.
There is an awful lot of dross this week, I might just wait for the best of rather than trawl through everything.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

You and me both

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

You people go back to read a "best of" of that stuff?
What makes Best Of?
Best story? Most female poster?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

Votes generally
Which usually leads to accusations of cliqueiness.... Oddly reminiscent of stuff I've read on /talk.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

Everybody likes JMG.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I have suggested you post someting...
...it's obvious you can write.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

Usually when I post I'm replied to by the same 8 or so people on QOTW, looking for an argument.
It's understandable as I've had to counter several office block bouncies whilst on here.
As ever, I usually end up on top. Or at least with the other user having a tantrum.

Anywhere over the space of three weeks.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

it's boredom that prompted the responses IMHO
fuck all happened on O/T until we got nested replies.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

There may be accusations of cliqueiness
It seems to me there are generally a few new or different names on the best of every week. Mind you I haven't been about long enough to judge properly.

There do seem to be a few people who almost always get into the best of, I agree with the results though, they are usually the funniest and best written that are voted best.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

this is pretty much it
We've had a few people who obvious get upset if their post doesn't gain enough votes to make it to best of (Friz?) and who cry foul and suggest everyone's voting for their mates.

Spanky and Pooflake make it consistently because they're consistently funny. Chickenlady because she's consistently funny and well written. Chart Cat because he's a filthy, funny bastard!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

Anyone that uses the word clique on /talk is automotically considered to be b1773r

( WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

this is familiar

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

If I get picked last
I'm getting into my Honda Accord.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Reply of the day!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

^this
*salutes*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

im far too much of a cunt

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Wound't you like it some some officie drone from Leeds was made in your own mould, though?
Wouldn't you feel BETTER about yourself?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

the world's just not ready for that much sexy

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

A fine reply.
We should integrate you slowly into the mainstream.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

I know exactly which one to adopt

( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Piston_Broke is beyond help.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

He's hammering off-topic.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

I wasn't going to adopt him
I'm in the lucky position of having met a few QOTWers
( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

like me
Afternoon SuperMatt!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

nooooon

( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

Hope you and gonzo enjoyed Friday?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I did
and I think he did too.
But I'm not his keeper, so I don't care.
( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Are you going to adopt me?
If you can adopt and then bully me I'll have a story for this week as well.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

I'll only adopt you if you're autism

( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Oh you want Kaol then

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Shut your filthy mouth.

( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

It's OK
I was hoping for Spak
( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

I was hoping you'd want him.
This is excellent. You can take him dancing.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I was just going to lock him in Gonz's cupboard

( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

This would work well for everyone.

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

*has knives, likes black*
edit - Kaol, not me
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

How can you fight the mysterons if you don't have knives?

( SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

innovative use of puppetry

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

Yeah.
You're a real person, with a face and everything.
( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

none of them have memorable user names

( well, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

I know.. I know..
But we must at least TRY.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

i will when they do

( well, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

Just £1 a month?
Do they send me a letter every year telling me all about how quickly they're growing up, about their new enclosures and how they hope to find a mate soon?
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

This I LIKE!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Ooh I could go for that
who wants to adopt me?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

Yes.
And then, when they find out the terrible truth, you'll get a letter the starts: "Dear Dad, You bastard! You're not my real dad at all..."
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

^this
*applauds*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

I'm having Scaryduck.

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

*Applause*
Lovely stuff.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Someone has actually posted
"so I did martial arts and weightlifting and got my own back on the bullies"

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421346
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

OH MY!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Surely that must be the Goats new account?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

Dude
the guy goes through all this "and then I was really hard and the dojo and criminals were scared of my punchbag and shit" then the punchline is that no matter how hard he had become, his wife could still beat him in a fight.

Must have been why they separated (Not split) to spare the local area being razed to the ground should they engage in mortal combat.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

Do you think it would have been like a low budget version of Hancock?
Except it would have made people laugh?
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

I think it would have been
a couple of overweight goths inefectually slapping each other before one of them pulls their hamstring attempting a roundhouse kick.

What do you expect from a £10 an hour sensei ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

But have you seen his profile
It's full of weird stuff like The Goats was, and he is currently homeless apparently.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

But I thought The Goat dropped off the grid, man, y'know, to get away from the man, man
He's mining his own water in Paraguay in a shack, man.
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Maybe thats his "project"
that he sent his "wife" away for.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

He had to let her go, otherwise he would have destroyed her in his Kung-Fu Grip

( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

So, he didn't get bullied and didn't get his own back?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

Can I ask mine to go to the shops for tartan paint, or a long wait, or to fall under a bus?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

I am initially unopposed to this.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I prefer it if you were posed to it

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I'm at a loss here
you post threads asking for attention. And then when I reply to them, you seem to get upset about this. Please explain.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

There we go.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Explanation?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

I don't think "There we go" was a particularly "upset" response.
Do you?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

No but I think
the fact that you are singling me out for replying to your posts shows a certain amount of wobbling which is missing from most everybody else's posts. I'm curious as to why
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

As soon as you said "No" there you were counter-arguing with the remark:
"And then when I reply to them, you seem to get upset about this."

Now you're embroiled in a bitter debate with yourself.

Line break.

As JMG, internet leader. I feel I can only assume the blame for this. At this time.
The fact you've then gone on to say I single YOU out really does make my internet day.
Then, the term "wobbling". Another JMGism.


Well done JMG

Line break.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

HOW MAN

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

PET.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

*HIGH FIVES*

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

ooo, ooo
someone pick me!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

*Clipboard and gun*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

where do I sign?
and how do I sign with a gun?

is it like the A in A-team?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I like this idea.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

"Here Mr JMG, sign on the dotted line and the property is all yours. Need a pen?"
"No thanks"

KA-CHING

BUDDADADADADADADA

*rejoicing*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

Another day, another bullet fired in the war on fat internet.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

it's a noble cause
*salutes*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

But I don't wanna!

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Don't make me get the cane.
*Irrational spinning of bow tie, etc*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

how do you pick one?
I think I'm about as popular there as here...which is not popular at all...either way I'm still a BGN.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Unlucky dip.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

It's like wandering round battersea dogs home
only the stench of piss is more rank.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I'll take the weakest looking one with dodgy front legs.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

Problem fixed
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post421397
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

You're clearly not in tune with my theory on lunch threads.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

I;m adopting the ugliest one to make myself look even more amazing
Or a 'female' one with a AHEEEN CHEWY BRAIN! with big tits that I can ruin even more.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

You be careful of fat birds, DG.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

I will be Jammers. I've got an inbuild 'No Fat Birds' LED sign on my forehead
Like the ones they have in the windows of chicken shops.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Now then.
I went to a QOTW bash and they all seemed like lovely individuals, no more or less mongy and weird as people I've met from /talk.

WHERE IS THE LOVE.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

This is why I encourage the re-joining!
I'm very nice.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Who can I have?
I'll teach them the Ways of the BGN. Also the Magical Mysteries of Tediousness
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

I say you throw a spear at them and whichever one you hit, you take home.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

I'll keep them in my rude hut

( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

is that a euphemism?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

Nah, my hut is totally rude, dude
Like, 1991 style. You're only allowed in if you're sporting a hi-top fade
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

how about a hi-top fade?
and basketball boots with the biggest tongue you ever saw
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

TONGUE LIKE A MOTHERFUCK
Aiii? You're well in the Rude Hut.
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

radical

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

You're far from BGN, Theo. You're one of "RR's b3tans to watch 2009"

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

But this is just Richard Nixon's list
And you put your name at the top
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

I want Wormulus.

( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

I think you've got this the wrong way round.
We don't want to spread the lies!
Together we can stop it.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

I meant
I want him to adopt me :(
( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

I didn't think we were allowed to request them
If so, then I want Donkey Gums. Please and thank you
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

*waggly eyebrows*

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

O_o I've got a /talk one to love and hug and squeeze and call him George

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

+ of the Jungle
;P
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

If you insist

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

He'll only ask you to groomy his sideparting all day and call you Mary Poppins

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

I've met you before.
And I laughed at you.
( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

Many people do, I'm a right spastic

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

It was a comedy night.
But yeah...
( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

I can only apologise as I usually get hideously drunk before embarrassing myself :)
sorry you wasted your money.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

He didn't pay.

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

Not seeing a lot of adopting going on
Obey your leader, JMG, embrace us QOTWers!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

We're waiting to be assigned QOTWers
I'm not diving in and choosing, what if it doesn't want me? I can't take it back to the pet shop.
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

I recommend you keep the receipt
There's a 14 day exchange policy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

I'll just take it out the back and deal with it there
"I'm sorry Mr Snugglesworth"
*BLAM*
"I love you Mr Snugglesworth"
*BLAM*
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

or sewer of utter filth
depending on some persons
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

No, everyone here is lovely
It's me that's the problem. I'm a bad owner.
( Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

The internet is slow and fat.
Give it a bit.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

Can I get mine to do the randomburn I wish I hadn't signed up for?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

Sure!
They'll love a bit of social interaction!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

lloks like i've missed out on helping save the internet, oh well, maybe next time

( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:22, archived)

JMG
I think you're quite funny. I like reading your posts. This new venture of yours is full of win.

I am in desperately need to be taught how to behave in real life, in particular how to rid myself of this need for constant validation, and how to recognise the unimportance of the events in my life. Seriously.

I'm not a fat bird.

I'm exactly the sort of QOTWer you're talking about, prime adoption material.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 13 May 2009, 23:12, archived)

Adopt me please
I'm neither fat nor ugly. And I don't make up stories.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 14 May 2009, 10:29, archived)