Let's have a new thread for people that aren't shit.
Today I've learned that the receptionist from the place I used to work at has a serious speech impediment. She said my last pay was going to be 288 pence, which made me gasp and I was going to wait for the paperwork breakdown before SERIOUSLY FUCKING SHIT UP.

Turns out she's a spaz and it was £200.88. Which is still fucking shit really, but better than nowt.

What's put you in ALL CAPS today?
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:45, archived)

Speech impediment?
Sounds like she just cant read...
( Devil Duck: ( ' )< and his cunning stunts, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:46, archived)

I read it that her speech impediment meant that she pronounced
"twohundredpounds and eighty eight pence" as "twohundred^pounds and eighty eight pence"
( mns pies mmm! mns pies, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:54, archived)

Pretty much.
I asked her twice, to be sure. Both times, two hundred and eighty eight pence.

Which is accurate, I suppose. If you're a shit.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:57, archived)

Did someone steal your name?
Someone stole mine with the !

It's totally rofl
( Rocking Around the SexFace Tree Marley and Marley...WOOOOOO, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:35, archived)

did you do this?
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8338089.stm

accidentally, of course
( Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:39, archived)

No

( Rocking Around the SexFace Tree Marley and Marley...WOOOOOO, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:42, archived)

Have a !

(Not Sexface!, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:53, archived)

Thank you.

( Rocking Around the SexFace Tree Marley and Marley...WOOOOOO, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:55, archived)

Get a second account
or, like me, be so boring no-one wants to pretend to be you.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:19, archived)

I did but it got all confused around the halloween naming thing so I still had my pre ! name

( Rocking Around the SexFace Tree Marley and Marley...WOOOOOO, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:22, archived)

I see you've gone for the "boring" option.
Excellent work. No-one else has noticed; this means you can now get away with nearly anything.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:26, archived)

You're not boring :)

( We Wish You A Wicca'd Witchmas - with many thanks to MongyChops, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:29, archived)

awwww :D
fankoo.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:37, archived)

I feel all attention seeky now
I think I'll start a new thread.
See above.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:41, archived)

Nothing really
Apart from finding out someone cannot point and click when they are paid to do it all day
( Mrs.Sp@m sandwich on christmas day instead of turkey., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:46, archived)

What you have to do is repeat things very slowly over and over again until they understand.
People who need tech support are like foreigners in that sense.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:48, archived)

meh, it's not my job to teach them
just to pick up where they left off and do what they cannot.
( Mrs.Sp@m sandwich on christmas day instead of turkey., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:53, archived)

Have
you

tried

calling

PC WORLD?

those cunts think they know stuff, let's annoy them.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:27, archived)

haha
gutted
(rosalicious i fucking love christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:47, archived)

chart cat touches small boys

(Rathen TOTALLY NOT A LOUD FLAMBOYANT NONCE, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:47, archived)

so i hear, anyway

(Rathen TOTALLY NOT A LOUD FLAMBOYANT NONCE, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:48, archived)

this rules already, though the job is not yet complete
www.google.co.uk/#hl=en&source=hp&q=chart+cat+touches+small+boys&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq=chart+cat+touches+small+boys&fp=c662ce1e81ac315b
(Rathen TOTALLY NOT A LOUD FLAMBOYANT NONCE, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:48, archived)

You've lost your mojo, man.
You used to be a troll on fire.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:48, archived)

i'm not sure being on fire is particularly what i want

(Rathen TOTALLY NOT A LOUD FLAMBOYANT NONCE, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:49, archived)

A+++++ would enjoy not being on fire again!

( mns pies mmm! mns pies, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:51, archived)

MNS!
It's a terribly belmy name you've got there.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:00, archived)

*taps nose*
interesting
( mns pies mmm! mns pies, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:08, archived)

OH YOU TOTAL MNS

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:09, archived)

SHUT UP AND MOVE ON

(rosalicious i fucking love christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:10, archived)

god this is the bestest
youre like fucking, santa or the tooth fairy or something
(rosalicious i fucking love christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:10, archived)

i'm a modern day internet hero

( mns pies mmm! mns pies, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:11, archived)

Only since someone rearranged your lettering

( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:29, archived)

it's things like this that make me wish all the new threads were started by planearm

(well, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:50, archived)

I can talk about the fact that I watched some telly at some point today if that'd help?

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:50, archived)

go for it

(well, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:52, archived)

I had the news on for a bit this morning.

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:53, archived)

What's good this evening?

( Neptune, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:16, archived)

Flashforward's on later.
I'm sure it will be interesting.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:36, archived)

oh man!
i've totally not even watched any telly at all today
( mns pies mmm! mns pies, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:52, archived)

i don't want to fuck with people's shit
i'm far too lovely.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:50, archived)

A woman crossing the road with her buggy between parked cars on a really busy road 20 metres from a pedestrian crossing.
During my driving lesson. Moron.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:53, archived)

It should be legal to run people who do this over.
It'd teach them not to fuck with traffic again.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:53, archived)

i hate it when people use prams to stop traffic.
next time, i'm going to run 'em down.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:55, archived)

MY FREEZER'S BROKEN.

( rosie posie *running high pandering five*, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:54, archived)

i'm sorry for your loss.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:55, archived)

my pary are with the frozen peas

( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:05, archived)

You can claim for your frozen food under your contents insurance if it's fucked.
Just remember that you do all your shopping at Waitrose ;)
( We Wish You A Wicca'd Witchmas - with many thanks to MongyChops, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:07, archived)

My freezer's about the size of my big toe, and luckily all that was lost was like two fish fingers and half a pack of peas,
it's just that i did a mammoth shop at sainsbury's yesterday and had loads of stuff i WANTED to freeze!
( rosie posie *running high pandering five*, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:14, archived)

is it worth it?
how much stuff do you usually have in your freezer at a time?
( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:22, archived)

We have a big freezer.
It's not got much in it at the moment, but during the winter we do tend to have a lot of meat in there, and you'd be surprised how quickly it adds up.
( We Wish You A Wicca'd Witchmas - with many thanks to MongyChops, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:27, archived)

Meat is quite expensive by volume,
we rarely keep anything for longer than two weeks or so.
( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:34, archived)

My parents keep loads of frozen food.
At least a month's worth (for four people), I reckon. It's difficult to tell how much it's worth though as a lot is home-made stuff.
( Comma, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:28, archived)

Sentimental value.
Heirlooms.
( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:35, archived)

Yeah.
They don't want all the glittery paper trinkets I made as a child to be burned in a fire.
( Comma, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:38, archived)

My parents used to keep a lot on the freezer, thinking back,
but I wouldn't want to base my idea of normality on anything they do. My dad tends to stockpile choc ices in December. I guess it makes the freezer marginally more efficient.
( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:41, archived)

Someone on MSN had a go at me for driving like a dick earlier, saying I almost went into the back of her car.
She even went into caps beforee I told her that I don't own that car anymore.

No apology, just ''oh...well he looked a bit like you''.
( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 17:58, archived)

You should run her down.

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:01, archived)

I will do.
I'll tell her she doesn't look very nice and her hair is a mess.
( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:16, archived)

oh you fiend

(rosalicious i fucking love christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:44, archived)

Well, you know me. I'm helluva fiendish.

( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:50, archived)

So she said two hundred and eighty eight pence?

( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:05, archived)

Yes. Did I write that bit wrong?

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:10, archived)

Did you not even catch on just a little bit?

( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:12, archived)

Given that the pack of them were the biggest pile of ripoff cunts I've ever worked for, it really wouldn't have surprised me if they'd call me up to offer me my last £2.88.

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:15, archived)

Hmm. Well. I'll let you off then.

( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:18, archived)

OH FFS
They're remaking A Christmas Carol again. With all CGI and Jim Carey. They're never going to beat the Muppets one or the Patrick Stewart one, why do they even bother? Film pricks.
( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:11, archived)

Is it possible that all films could be re-made superior as Muppet films?

( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:19, archived)

A Muppet's Schindler's List would rock my socks off.

( 'Twas the Noit before Christmas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:23, archived)

Muppet's Pulp Fiction would be superb

( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:24, archived)

Muppets Aliens

( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:26, archived)

Muppets Fight Club

( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:26, archived)

Muppets News at Ten

( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:36, archived)

Muppets Rosemary's Baby

( Chestnuts roasting on the oban fire This isn't what I ordered..., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:48, archived)

It's 'wear a casual hat' day at work today
So that's why we're all in caps
( Chestnuts roasting on the oban fire This isn't what I ordered..., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:14, archived)

The printer at work today
was running slow and three different people had the audacity to ask me if I was sure I'd clicked Print. I admit I'm not a rocket scientist but FFS.
( Batsgirl, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:28, archived)

Do you work in Mrs Sp@m's office?

( Neptune, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:40, archived)

I did some rocket science once.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:54, archived)

did you get better?

( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:06, archived)

My science told me that it is the superior salad leaf.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:09, archived)

science.
it works, bitches.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:15, archived)

...and had you?

( Chestnuts roasting on the oban fire This isn't what I ordered..., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:54, archived)

She's only a girl,
she probably doesn't know either way
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:55, archived)

'ooh I pressed the button with a printer on it but it might be a fax oh I don't know can we talk about shoes instead'
Or something
( Chestnuts roasting on the oban fire This isn't what I ordered..., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:59, archived)

You sexist bastard.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:01, archived)

ist y
( Chestnuts roasting on the oban fire This isn't what I ordered..., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:02, archived)

That goes without saying, babe.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:03, archived)

fuckers at my place send giant pdfs to the laser in the main office
which the printer memory can't handle and it takes a week to print.

fuckers, all of them.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:05, archived)

I hope you blamed JMG.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:06, archived)

I'm impressed so far that I haven't pissed the taxpayers money up the wall
on my own laser printer, tbh.

but .. yeah, JMG. It's gotta be his fault. Coming up here. printing our pdfs.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:14, archived)

how hard would it be for you to write a little program that rejects large file sizes?

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:16, archived)

very hard for me
seeing as I have no admin rights over our system. And have better things to do than manage IT issues.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:28, archived)

an hour?

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 18:53, archived)

I've had an ENJOYABLE DAY.
with the prospect of MORE TO COME.

This is currently enough to float any number of my boats, real or imagined.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:16, archived)

What I once thought was a relatively enjoyable job
has me dealing with stupid old people. Old people are alright, but stupid people give me a sense-of-humour failure.
GRR
(adam_is_saxy heard of a brilliant recipe involving bananas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:19, archived)

I have that the other way around
stupid people can't help it, but old people have been around long enough to know better.
Anyway, why are they all in a hurry to get in the supermarket queue? It's not as if they've anywhere else to be.
( mulledwynoh now with extra minerals and iron, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:24, archived)

Yeah
old people a shit. I wish to be put down by the time I start talking shit and acting like a proper old man.

Oh, shi-
(adam_is_saxy heard of a brilliant recipe involving bananas, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:28, archived)

A letting agency who claim to be open till 8pm, yet refuse to answer the phone after 6.
And charge £1.50 a minute for this dubious privilege.
( Know ye not Woodside? should off gone to specsavers lol, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:37, archived)