SHUT THE FUCK UP! THE FOOTBALL! YES!
*Punches your favourite relative!*

How's the football of the b3tans?
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:29, archived)

Shit but good.
We'll be shooting up the table soon, I'm fairly confident.
( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:29, archived)

We fought well this evening, in spite of folk thinking you should be sent off for comitting two fouls, not picking up up two yellow cards.
Like Basketball.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:38, archived)

Good result that.
Sheff Utd are on a terrible run.
( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:44, archived)

I feel we're doing very well lately, in spite of the non-presence of The People's Republic of Steven Taylor.
They like to do this to me. Fill me with confidence then lose at home to Peterborough.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:47, archived)

It's a Ferguson team.
There'll be words.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:53, archived)

your goldilocks at the back should have gone though.
fair play for just kicking people from behind in the nuts for fun when the ref isn't looking, but I'm sure that's not Queensbury rules, Jammy.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:44, archived)

He gave him a tap in the back of the knees!
He's Argentinian! This is what they do!
Now if Maradona had have done that, they'd be raving about the technical skill shown.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:48, archived)

Take in to account I still firmly believe Neil Lennon head-butted Sir Alan of Shearer's left foot in a cowardly ginger person's act of petulism.

( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:49, archived)

it was between the knees and the barse.
I wasn't sure if it was an Argentinean greeting or if he just thought better of a full on bollock shot mid kick, if you will. Perhaps he got scared he would lose his boot.

Good result though. Tidy couple of stops from Harper at the end when they actually made a proper effort to equalise.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:52, archived)

Whilst I think Harper is a good goalkeeper in the mould of young Seamus.
Tim Krul is the future of NUFC goalkeeping.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:53, archived)

I'm agreeing with you here, JMG, online.
He was the lad that came on against West Brom on the telly at the start of the season wasn't he?
As a keeper myself, I was impressed with his positioning and shot-stopping.
( mns pies mmm! mns pies, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:04, archived)

Escape from New York,
5 minutes, ITV1.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:30, archived)

For the squillionth time.
ITV love that film.
( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:30, archived)

so do I.
It's a great film.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:31, archived)

I've seen it too many times now.

( Maffers Stupidity has its charms. Ignorance does not., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:32, archived)

Never seen it.
Cue bedlam.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:31, archived)

Watch it tonight JMG,
it's worth it.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:32, archived)

it's pretty easy, it has three airports

( Frightguy what the heck's a hexagon, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:31, archived)

plus plenty of sea ports

( Frightguy what the heck's a hexagon, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:32, archived)

Isn't La Guardia in Nu Joisey?

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:33, archived)

I was championed as a hero of the people when I was in New York.
I rang Hubare and shouted "BROOK-LYN!" down the phone.
I was a smashing honkie.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)

you're like an omnihero

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:42, archived)

it counts as one of new york's according to wikipedia

( Frightguy what the heck's a hexagon, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)

I was thinking of Newark

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:40, archived)

So is Newark, if you're being picky...

( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:38, archived)

as it goes
Newark is in NJ, LaGuardia and JFK are in Queens.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:41, archived)

I'm fairly sure JFK is in Brooklyn.

( Neptune, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:50, archived)

My apologies.
I've got that all wrong.
( Neptune, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:51, archived)

It's not like I know.
I had to justfuckinggoogleit, because although I knew Newark was in NJ, I didn't think LaGuardia was.

Newark. The spiritual home of Ryanair. Although they win with their flights to Vienna (BTS). Not even not in Vienna, it's not even in Austria. It's not even in Western Europe.
( the mighty badger like a diabetic dog in a bath full of sugar, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:55, archived)

Newark airport is fine, and you can be in Manhatten as quick as from JFK.
Newark itself is a shithole mind.
( Neptune, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:07, archived)

God, I love that film.
Kurt Russell. The man's never made a shit film.
( JackFrostAction The answer to your first question is SHADDUP., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)

Every film he's ever been in would be shit if he wasn't in it.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:36, archived)

I love the fact that in Soldier he thought he had "too many lines".
So he cut them from 15 to 12.
And most of the 12 left are "Sir."
( stuj BRING BACK DING YOU STUPID HATS!, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:39, archived)

Top film.
:D
( stuj BRING BACK DING YOU STUPID HATS!, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:37, archived)

Football is really shit.
Really, really shit.
(Twin Pack Even less funny than Michael McIntyre, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:31, archived)

THERE it is!

( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:31, archived)

WOOP
there it is.
(Twin Pack Even less funny than Michael McIntyre, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:33, archived)

Since saturday, good.
Very very good.

Ooh Burnley are 10th in the premiership
( Lord Yulelius waddle waddle, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:32, archived)

we threw it away jmg,
the papers are angry, i was relatively happy with a lot of our players performance though. chris burke for one was once again outstanding.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:32, archived)

I thought Mark Kennedy was dead.
A surprise, at number three.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:33, archived)

I'm not even sure why we picked him up in the first place,
we didn't need him then and we don't need him now.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)

a neighbour came into the stadium and punctured the ball with a screwdriver

( Frightguy what the heck's a hexagon, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:33, archived)

Well we HAD been playing near his plants again.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:34, archived)

I have no football.
I have a ...wait for it.....wait for it...... Honda though.
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:34, archived)

accord?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)

No
I don't dole out intarnet justice.
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:36, archived)

oh what's the point...
you might aswell chuck it in the skip.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:38, archived)

Can I have a look under your top?
Sorry, top's the wrong word.

Bonnet.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)

If you'd like.
To the bonnet that is.
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:37, archived)

does this count as a first date?

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:37, archived)

dibs,
I called dibs.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:39, archived)

ALL WOMEN ARE EITHER WORMULUS OR THE PROPERTY OF BALDMONKEY.
ASIDES THE FAT BIRDS.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:41, archived)

i've got dibs on you too.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:42, archived)

To be fair, The Doveston did call dibs.

( JackFrostAction The answer to your first question is SHADDUP., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:42, archived)

Baldmonkey's going to be livid.
This may require the refereeing stylings of SSG if it goes to a full out duel.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:44, archived)

Good grief.
Are you related to SexFace?
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:40, archived)

no you're just sexy,
allegedly.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:43, archived)

Is that a combined comeback / pickup line?
If so it's a bit lame.
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:48, archived)

I ran out of steam as I only have this on anecdotal evidence.
I didn't want to commit myself incase you're not actually sexy.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:49, archived)

When you put it like that, it's a fair strategy
I don't feel particularly sexy right now as my hair is a mess and i'm wearing old, worn clothes.
Might be sexier tommorow, who's to say!
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:53, archived)

Let me know,
so I can adjust peformance appropriately.
( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:54, archived)

I'll reset my slide, and we'll see.
Nah [------0------]Oh Yeah
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:02, archived)

Hey, he's trying.
The least you could let him do is stroke your hair.
( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:51, archived)

I'd rather fondle your beard.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:51, archived)

I'm shaving it off in less than ten minutes :(
I'll feel less of a man, I know it.

Edit - It's not being shaved off because you want to fondle it.
( HBLseasonsgreetings! voted 56th in 'FHM's Sexiest Forum Males 2009'., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:52, archived)

you'll have less of a man feeling you.

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:53, archived)

it's the kind of thing you'd say to a Victorian girl and it would cause upset
( In the Bleak Vladimir'd Winter, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:38, archived)

why fair maiden would you care to show me your ankle?

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:45, archived)

HOW DARE YOU!
You, sir, are a brigand
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:48, archived)

how about your boobs then?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:51, archived)

Eh, no.

(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:55, archived)

awww :(

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:58, archived)

WRAY?

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:53, archived)

Nope, you've got me there.

(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:55, archived)

Which Regular Are You?

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:58, archived)

MoT

( Master Of Turnips. Less feeling than an Yngwie Malmsteen ballad., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:00, archived)

Ahhhhh
I'm SexFace.
Or maybe 90nz0.
If i'm in a bad mood then Mongychops.
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:01, archived)

I hope you're Bud Muhnquai!
Mainly for the fatty upset it'll cause.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:03, archived)

I recognise the name, but don't really know him.
But, yeah, that's who i'll be, I mean I am. Yes, am.
(misusscompiler shooting at the walls of heartache. BANG BANG, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 23:06, archived)

*Firm driving gloved handshakes*

( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 22:35, archived)