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Penny for the Guy
When I was about 10 me and my mates wanted to earn a few bob for sparklers and no-one wanted any jobs doing locally so THEY decided to stuff newspaper and straw up my trousers and sleeves, did my makeup and shoved me in a wheelbarrow and went knocking on all their neighbours doors saying "Penny for the Guy" the neighbours were so impressed I hadn't ended up in hospital going down a VERY steep hill that we made about £5 and got two packs of sparklers and were well happy.

Bonfire stories?
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:34, archived)
Back in Scouts, we did Penny for the Guy
It was 7pm. A couple didn't answer their door, so we turned and left. I couldn't see the fact I was walking over a trellis-covered pond and smashed through it.

Wet through. Twisted ankle. Good times.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:36, archived)
Good thing you had an inflatable with you

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
lolololfatface

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
Who said anything about that?
I thought the scouts' motto was "Be Prepared"
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:44, archived)
you paranoid attention seeking tit.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:45, archived)

paranoid attention seeking tit fucking beaker
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:47, archived)
*FIVES*

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:48, archived)
you fucking beaker

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:48, archived)
*BIG TENS*

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:48, archived)
fucking beaker

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:48, archived)
Moonfaced beaker.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:49, archived)
you know, you should mention on wannafeelold
that that video with christopher walken dancing to fatboy slim is nearly ten years old now.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:53, archived)
Has that site even updated since 2unlimited? It's been ages.
One update would have to be "The last time this blog updated was 6 months ago!"
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:57, archived)
have you tried pressing refresh?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:58, archived)
I just haven't checked for a while since it stopped going for ages.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:27, archived)
a month.
six months ago.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:27, archived)
you fucking beaker.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:58, archived)
I hope you didn't cry this much when you were in the pond...
it'd only have made matters worse you understand
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:19, archived)
I think he's starting to turn into Mykey.
Expect racist jokes by the end of the week.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:26, archived)
You fucking wanker.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:51, archived)
I once went to a firework display
There were lots of rockets and mortars.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:36, archived)
November 5th in Baghdad is pretty spectacular.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
I'm the arsehole that goes around and posts hedgehogs into bonfires before they get lit.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:36, archived)
Noooo :(

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
only joking :)
I don't post them in, I pelt them in there like I'm pitching a baseball.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:38, archived)
I once went out on Bonfire Night and trod in some dog shit and it was on my wellies and my mum had to wash it off my wellies and my mum was not very happy because dog shit smells.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:36, archived)

dog shit she
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
" I once went out on Bonfire Night and trod in some she"?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:45, archived)
That's the one.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:49, archived)
I don't even own an bonfire.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:36, archived)
i went to a fireworks display once.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
I'm sick of your lies.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:45, archived)
I believe the last time I did that I was around ten years old, and Malcolm Allen gave us £10.
He scored our first Premiership winning goal.


Another insight.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
I love bonfires. I don't like fireworks, but I do like making things burn.
Give me a roaring bonfire, a couple of comfy chairs, a stack of stuff to burn, a gin toddy or three, some potato hash, baked spuds, treacle toffee, parking and a metric fuckload of sparklers, and I am a happy happy girl.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
I am a bit of a fire lover too
I love my fire pit but we rarely get to use it.

The kids around here are completely rubbish, we put the old mattress outside down the side of the house on monday in a vain hope that someone would take it for their bonfire but not a single person has even asked. I rang the council today instead.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
you know, bonfires are terrifically dangerous.
i know someone who had one collapse on them and they lost their hearing in one ear.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:46, archived)
you should be more responsible.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:46, archived)
I always am. I check what's being burnt, don't burn anything that might give off fumes,
check for hedgehogs and that, and I don't stack it too high. I also try not to use new wood, as it spits quite badly.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:53, archived)
yeah but it goes wrong for other people,
so you doing it is directly comparable.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:56, archived)
Sorry, should I be lobbing bits of burning wood at your head or something?
I've been doing it all wrong!

Now stand still whilst I throw petrol over you. This wont hurt a bit.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:57, archived)
They are. There was a lad used to live near me when I was little
who'd been pushed onto one. Massive scarring down the right hand side of his face and body, and he had very little hair on the right hand side of his head. He'd also lost the hearing, due to serious burns, and he'd lost a bit of his ear.

Nice lad.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:57, archived)
Called Simon was he?
Simon Niki

Depending on your frame of reference.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:09, archived)

f tr
sparklers even more food


OH BOY, AM I FUNNY.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:57, archived)
FUNNY LOLZ

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:59, archived)
I used to go to the bonfire at Clifton Park every year
But then they stopped putting it on because it cost too much.

True story, I know, it's hard to believe.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:37, archived)
Oh one time I was drunk and had a sparkler and burned my hands a bit and it was too painful to open my fly
So my ex-girlfriend had to undo it and hold my winkie while I pissed.

'You can feel the wee coming out!' she exclaimed
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:38, archived)
I'm totally going to burn my hands with a sparkler.
Not if I'm out with my mum though , that would just be awkward!

again!

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
I remember being very little and running up to my mummy going 'MUM MY WILLY HURTS'
She put ointment on it and it was fine.

But I try that now and she acts all strange.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:42, archived)
She didn't mind when I asked her to kiss mine better.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:46, archived)
Oh Mum!
You lovable whore
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:47, archived)
Clifton Park?
Bloody hell, haven't been there in ages. A trip to Rotherham next summer beckons...

(Well either that or Conisborough Castle).
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:40, archived)
Conisborough's better
Should've gone on my last visit. I was shocked to see though they've stuck a lid on the castle!
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
Aye, they did that back in the mid 90s.
Looks pretty good truth be told.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:44, archived)
I'll have to have a wander up there
Scared of heights see, so when it was just a ruin I couldn't go up it. Now it has floors I'll be fiiiiine
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:44, archived)
I went to a beach display and bonfire a few years ago when there was a really strong wind.
Just as the guy started to catch fire, the wind knocked it over and it fell in a river and floated away.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:38, archived)
hahahaha
that's quite funny
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:42, archived)
It recieved a bigger cheer than any of the fireworks that night.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:45, archived)
~~~~Wavy lines~~~~
Back when I was 13 I had an altercation with a Volvo, and lost. Badly. Totally mangled my ankle so I was on crutches for months. Mum, in her infinite wisdom, took me to a public bonfire, which to be honest was a bit crap. Half the fireworks didn't light, and the bonfire itself was tiny at best. At the end of the bonfire one of the brain-dead organisers decided to dispose of the duff fireworks by lobbing a whole box of them on the fire itself. It's amazing how fast you can run on crutches when you see a brightly coloured rocket flying straight at your face.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:38, archived)
If it was flying at your face, why didn't you just step to the side?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:40, archived)
Scooby-Doo-itis

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
Homing fireworks.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
You're like Fiddy Cent only not as black.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:40, archived)
You should get out of QOTW mode when you return here.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:40, archived)
I have.
No mentions of Honda Accords, mistakes or falling asleep in strange places, see?
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
but which comfortable under 16s off of the telly do you want to slip yourself into?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:51, archived)
She's over 18.
Legal now...
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:59, archived)
I bet he was noncing all over the rockets

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:42, archived)
You'd have punched the firework out the way then gone after the guy responsible in your HONDA ACCORD

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:42, archived)
Whilst on drugs.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:45, archived)
That was his first mistake

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:46, archived)
Someone had to say it I guess.
Might as well be the gay Thundercat.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:50, archived)
When I was in Scouts we used to help build the local bonfire (it was about 16 feet high) and watch as the pyros put the display together
and used to get free entry to the display in the evening
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:41, archived)
And in return the pyros used to get entry into you?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:42, archived)
my cousin is annoyingly brilliant
she hates to be outdone, so when her mate got his pyrotechnics licence she had to go out and get one too. She now runs a pub in halifax and they are having a display tomorrow - it better be fucking good!
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:45, archived)
My dad tells me that when I was little I didn't give a shit about the fireworks.
All I cared about was getting a jacket spud or a hot dog.
Once I'd had that I'd say it was time to go home.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:44, archived)
An old friend and I had a garden sale, selling off our old video tapes, toys and games.
We told people we were raising money for the local fireworks show. We weren't. We spent the money on the Street Fighter 2 arcade machine in the local cornershop.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:44, archived)
we used to fire rockets at each other in the park
used to buy those little screamers and use oar tubes or other hollow tubes as shoulder mounted rocket launchers.

used to buy hundreds of the bloody things, amazing no-one had anyone's eye out really.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:44, archived)
careful, wicca'd will shout at you

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:49, archived)
It comes from living with a burns nurse.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:59, archived)
My mate worked in the WORLD FAMOUS East Grinstead burns unit
one bloke there had been beaten with hammers then covered in petrol and set alight, fucking careless if you ask me.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:07, archived)
fucking hell
what a clumsy twat!
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:10, archived)
When I was a little girl I made a guy for a bonfire night party
at my dad's works social club. At this bonfire night party I developed my fear of fireworks after seeing a woman get hit in the face with a dying firework. It terrified me and I wouldn't go to fireworks displays for ages and ages.

There was no honey. The end.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:50, archived)
Did the rocket shoot up her nose, carrying her skyward before exploding with the woman landing on a nearby pile of leaves (at the very bottom of which was a massive dog shit)?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:53, archived)
Sadly, no.
Maybe I wouldn't have been so scared if that had happened.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:55, archived)
Why are girls silly like this and develop fears like this?
One of my old girlfriends would scream if she saw porridge because when she was little it burnt her mouth.

Girls are smelly.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:53, archived)
I know a girl who's scared of spiders just because she had a lump in her vagina and it burst and a thousand tiny spiders ran out
Silly lass
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:55, archived)
I've just snorted at work because of this you massive prick.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:56, archived)
At least she didn't turn out to be scared of vaginas.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:57, archived)
I knew a girl who refused to take baths (she would only shower)
because of the bath scene from Nightmare On Elm Street she saw when she was little.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:56, archived)
girls are smelly.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:59, archived)
Pfft.
Even I'm not scared of that and that film terrified the fuck out of me. I saw it when I was about six. My ma and da had hired it from the video shop and hidden it. My brother and cousin found it and we all watched it. Scary times.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:00, archived)
I'm kind of over it now.
I have my little panic house I build with my hands over my head. That protects me.

And we aren't smelly. We're lovely. Well, I'm lovely at least.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:58, archived)
You are lovely. Lovely but mental.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:01, archived)
I'm not even mental DG.
WHY YOU SAY SUCH HURTFUL THING?
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:02, archived)
....you are.
You just admitted to making a house out of your hands...
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:08, archived)
You're not as lovely as me.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:02, archived)
You're so lovely they had to send you to the side of the planet so that you wouldn't absorb all the lovely that the rest of us so desperately need

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:05, archived)
This is true.
:D
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:07, archived)
needs more bommyknocker.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:59, archived)
There is nothing that cannot be solved with more bommyknocker.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:10, archived)
once upon a time there were three little bonfires
they all lived happily ever after

i'm going home now. bye!
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:59, archived)
BYE!

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:00, archived)
No wait, don't go!

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:02, archived)
You're all retarded.
Hallowe'en was on Saturday.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:06, archived)
I would have thought you'd be well on side with celebrating English people trying to blow up English people.
Or is this a "going over there, blowing up OUR enemies" thing?
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:08, archived)
It isn't a celebration of Guy Fawkes trying to make the world a better place, it's a celebration of his execution.
And anyway, the useless fucker failed.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:11, archived)
so what's Hallowe'en a celebration of?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:52, archived)
All Hallows Eve, it's supposed to be where the ghosts of the dead wander the earth.
You dress up as spirits so that they don't recognise you as alive and won't harm you.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Hallows_Eve#History

Which is why non-scary halloween costumes are stupid.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 18:01, archived)
It's also a harvest festival, kind of.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 18:02, archived)
He was primarily trying to blow up a Scottish person though...
James I of England and VI of Scotland... The first combined monarch.

If memory serves correctly.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:13, archived)
Guy Fawkes wasn't English.
He was a Spannish.
His name was Guido.
/FACTS
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:15, archived)
He was a Yorkshire man.
He took the name Guido while fighting for the Spannish in the Netherlands.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:19, archived)
Well fuck me sideways, you're right.
I guess I should have paid more attention when Blue Peter was on instead of just wanking over Lesley Judd.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:31, archived)

John + Judd
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:33, archived)
That's not what it's celebrating.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:17, archived)
I heard he was just this guy that sold forks and was framed

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:19, archived)
We don't have them here, so I don't have any.
Well, we don't have them for Guy Fawkes.
(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:13, archived)
My flatmate has an awful lot of fireworks. I may steal some this weekend.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:15, archived)
Ooooh. I haven't seen fireworks in aaaages.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:18, archived)
i once caught a 15lb common during a fireworks display

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:21, archived)
15lb commoner? did you nick it out of it's pram?

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 17:23, archived)