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SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING PRICK'S
I'm starting to get very excited about my night out. It's going to be a bit weird because my old DJ partner has bailed but I'm meeting up with some of his mates who I don't know, so I'm not going on my own.

If pushed I'd say I'm most excited about seeing Big Daddy Kane.

I know you don't care but people posting quiz scores isn't exactly riveting
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:37, archived)
jesus, rude

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:39, archived)
last time I started talking about my fucking ballbag

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:40, archived)
tit-smeg

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:41, archived)
They wanted personal details to release my money, hopefully this will cover it
the details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:43, archived)
Shaving it with a razor is nigh-on impossible
I Immac'd them when I was younger, but it made them go bright red, and they stung for hours.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:14, archived)
I've never felt the need to have hairless bollox

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:19, archived)
I did a lot of things without thinking when I was a kid
halcyon days
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:23, archived)
like getting married!
oh hahahaha
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:29, archived)
You got married when you were a kid?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:31, archived)
No
I realise now that the joke isn't entirely accurate.

Still...women, eh!
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:38, archived)
My wife and I are in the iron and steel business
She does the ironing, I do the stealing!!!!
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:41, archived)
I thought she was in finance

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:50, archived)
Yeah well then you thought wrong

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:51, archived)
I need to update my spreadsheet

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:02, archived)
A former mate of mine has his block and tackle waxed every three months.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:36, archived)
Any reason why?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
I never did find that out.
The way he talked about it made it sound like it was an excuse to boast about how much of a hard case he was for being able to withstand the pain.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:49, archived)
Hard IN THE BOYS' SHOWERS more like!

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:52, archived)
Trust you to think of that.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:54, archived)
i can think of a reason

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:52, archived)
Is that reason "to make his otherwise tiny cock look a bit bigger"?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:54, archived)
that and avoiding pube/teeth interactions

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:56, archived)
Hmmm.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:59, archived)
it'd make a difference with the ladies

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:07, archived)
Yes
They'd probably think "this guy spends a lot of time worrying about grooming himself. He's almost certainly gay."
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:41, archived)
oh, behave!

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:18, archived)
cunt

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:41, archived)
OI

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:58, archived)
So get up and dance cause Kane said so , if you were lounging around its time to get up, pardon my expression but imma tear shit up
There
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:42, archived)
EXACTLY

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:44, archived)
13/17

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:47, archived)
Shit on a chicken Your score 9/11

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:51, archived)
I was hoping to hear more about Two Hats' ballbag

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:47, archived)
I'll start a thread some time next week

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:30, archived)
Sounds like a shit wrestler m8

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:47, archived)
no m8

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:50, archived)
why would you wrestle with shit?
I'll never understand what you gays get up to
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:51, archived)
Would you want to, probably end up bent yourself

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:53, archived)
You probably roll round in cow pats when you're brainstorming for your next album.
Yurt Prick.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:02, archived)
did you know that Big Daddy Kane's real name is Shirley Crabtree Kane?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:50, archived)
I just chortled

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:51, archived)
in fact it was more of a guffaw

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:52, archived)
strikey-g

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:23, archived)
Who's maurice micklewhite? Then, thought that was Kane

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:52, archived)
Nah he's Reg Dwight

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:53, archived)
I hope you have a lovely night, Richard.
I'm falling the fuck asleep at my desk and have been since before noon. The amount of sport in my daily routine has been direly lacking of late.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:53, archived)
have a red bull, it's what all the cool kids do

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:06, archived)
I put vodka in mine... Hee hee

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:07, archived)
last time i had vodka and red bull
i got kicked out of the pub for dancing on the pool table
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
I once tipped a minature of Wray & Nephew overproof rum in a can of Red Bull
it was the worst drink I've ever had IN MY LIFE
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:41, archived)
Why do you do such things to yourself?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:46, archived)
oh, i can top that
homebrew whisky. neat. ended up in hospital with severe alcohol poisoning. i was very lucky not to have been killed, apparently. i got no sympathy, despite not knowing what the shit was when i drank it.
oh, and no matter if you run out of mixers, NEVER mix triple-distilled white brandy with milk.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:51, archived)
You win

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 19:51, archived)
That stuff's vile.
Monster Ultra Zero and Ultra Orange are where it's at.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:15, archived)
don't really touch energy drinks these days
coffee does me just fine
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:19, archived)
Pop a couple of BRAIN FORCE.
and get a SUSTAINABLE BURST OF ENERGY
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:31, archived)

ORCE ART
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:35, archived)
I'm sure I read something about Kane being a deeply closeted homosexual.
I hope he's come to terms with himself.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:54, archived)
I'm sure I read something about you being a knobcheese.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:29, archived)
Really? Weird
Because I've heard the word "dick splash" thrown around
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:38, archived)
well, i hope you have a very enjoyable night

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 14:59, archived)
The only thing that's bothering me is that it's a 2am finish
and I have to be up doing fatherly duties in the morning. And when they are discharged, I can't even curl up in bed but have travel an our out of town and have a boozy night out. I'm too old for this.

tl;dr thanks m8, will do
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:26, archived)
Hate to break it to you m8, but Kane pulled out of the squad. Hope you can still enjoy the match.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:26, archived)
don't you start, Graham

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:28, archived)
Well. I'm sorry we can't ALL be cool and down with the kids
I hope you enjoy your fun. Please don't be sick on one of your 1210s then turn it on at 45rpm, flinging a line of vomit up the wall, but have a great night out.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:37, archived)
1200s m8, get it right

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:43, archived)
Re issued them the other year I believe, bet they are shit

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:51, archived)
they made a batch of 1200 that were super-fancy and fucking expensive to boot
www.sevenoakssoundandvision.co.uk/p-30430-technics-sl-1200gr-direct-drive-turntable.aspx

I expect corners were cut on the regular ones though
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:54, archived)
Blimey, they are pricey , think mine were 300 odd each back in 89 ish

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:56, archived)
iirc I got mine plus a mixer, amp and speakers for about £900, that would have been '94

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 15:58, archived)
Looks like they go between £6-800 for a used pair now.

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:16, archived)
That's rather cool
They have lost pretty much zero value
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:34, archived)
knob and/or bollocks

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:15, archived)

twitter.com/HeatStreetMag/status/917947193423785989
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:16, archived)
I fucking hate that dickweed

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
Yeah, he's a complete twat.
I do enjoy watching his regular displays of complete ignorance though.
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:21, archived)
who is he?

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:35, archived)
it's me m8

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:40, archived)
nice one!

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:45, archived)
Oh I don't like him either now then

(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:52, archived)

big daddy russell
(, Fri 10 Nov 2017, 16:58, archived)