All these celebrity deaths, I'm starting to feel very, very old.
I'd like a park bench named after me when I die. What material item would you like to be remembered by?
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:16, archived)

I'd like a rising bollard. Shaped like a willy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:17, archived)

a bellard

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:23, archived)

if it was made of titanium it would be a wellard bellard.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:25, archived)

*bro fistbump*

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:26, archived)

"CAUTION! BELLEND IN MOTION"

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:55, archived)

Get off Santa's lap please David, you know full well you're too old

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 19:06, archived)

I feel unusual.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:33, archived)

feel unusual love anal.
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:40, archived)

anal horses
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 19:01, archived)

love slash
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 19:04, archived)

slash Buckethead
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:39, archived)

Something something Jenny Agutter.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:40, archived)

<s> It's not

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 21:05, archived)

internet meme

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:56, archived)

aloe vera toilet paper

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:56, archived)

21/4" floppy

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 19:01, archived)

Did they ever even exist?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:38, archived)

Exist is an abstract concept

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:59, archived)

amanda peet's weeping teat

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 19:02, archived)

nothing major
just rename the planet 'manolearth'
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 19:47, archived)

Dunno

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:02, archived)

Jimmy Nail's right bollock

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:24, archived)

Two Hats' lawn

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:26, archived)

fuck

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:45, archived)

There's an upcoming joke in the Eric Idle panto on BBC 2
that I did here, or hereabouts, some two years ago. First but soon forgotten. Again.
( CharlesDexterWard no rush eh, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:35, archived)

Err, your nan?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 20:50, archived)

One of my balls hurts

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 21:37, archived)

Did you turn it off and on again?

( Frisbee OG wanker, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 21:56, archived)

My head hurts.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 22:01, archived)

Would anyone like a
leftover pigs in blanket?
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 15:15, archived)

they look alright to me

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 15:23, archived)

what kind of spasticated cunt can't cook a bacon-wrapped chipolata?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 15:24, archived)

John Counsell, apparently.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 16:05, archived)

i hate john counsell so fucking much

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 17:26, archived)

Fucking wasteman, m8.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 17:48, archived)

Would
I would ruin that plate (sorry lady boarders)
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 16:11, archived)

Please go easy on the misogynistic "I would" type posts whenever a picture of an attractive lady is posted on the board. Not only can it get a bit tiresome, but it can be intimidating and unwelcoming for a lot of lady boarders. Besides, even if you would, she probably wouldn't.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 16:45, archived)

It doesn't apply in this situation
I'm talking about chowing down on a load of black sausages
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 16:55, archived)

there's a website for that

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 16:57, archived)

Pretty sure there's more than one m8
GeordieJay can probably give a more accurate number
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 17:08, archived)

I don't doubt that, as a gay, he knows every gay porn site that exists.
I mean, I'm straight and I'm sure I've seen most of the straight porn ever made, so it stands to reason.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 17:14, archived)

Its one of the things they give you when you get your welcome pack
Gay card, subscription to Men's Health, and a comprehensive list of all the gay porn sites
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 18:59, archived)

now i dunno,
i'm no lesbian but i reckon those sausages could turn me, i'd bang their back doors in and no mistake
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 17:57, archived)

I'm stuck at work like some sort of idiot.
In what way are you some sort of idiot?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:06, archived)

in the 'i ran out of booze' kind of way

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:18, archived)

That's just filthy casual behaviour at Christmas.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:39, archived)

still means i need to get more booze
but i promised the telly i'd keep an eye on it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:42, archived)

What you need is a way of ordering booze via the telly.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:43, archived)

what i need is an army of peons
to do my bidding and pour me drinks
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:44, archived)

I got collared leaving Sports Direct
Like a common thief dragged back to the till. The spotty 18 year old forgot to take the alarm sticker off my joggers. I demanded compensation but sadly got none.
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:28, archived)

Also, as a side note
Don't go to Macdonalds today. The hamburgers are rock hard.
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:29, archived)

never eat from that place
especially since they stopped selling cappuccino doughnuts
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:34, archived)

i don't go to MacDonalds any day,
because it's disgusting, i wouldn't even let my dog eat it
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 15:17, archived)

You could wait for said spotty 18-year-old in the car park
and dispense Christmas justice expressed in the timeless language of fists.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:40, archived)

No wins at the dogs for me or the kids , not one trio in, fucking jinx twats

( mongychops, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 14:48, archived)

Happy Kwanzaa!

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 11:10, archived)

Totes.
It's Hanukkah as well.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 12:08, archived)

And St. Stephen's Day

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 13:31, archived)

kwaaaaaanzaaaaapp?
lol, like in that advert
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 12:32, archived)

Can't buy a winner

( mongychops, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 13:04, archived)

I just came on a snowman
Then I realised it was actually just your Nan dressed as an Ewok...covered in jizz
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 2:38, archived)

George Micheal is dead
That was a 5000/1 shot

An hour ago!

WHAM!
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:19, archived)

Fuck I didn't even bother reading all you cunts below:
This is the official death tribute to a guy who assaults coppers in toilets

Remember when ah I can't be arsed
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:21, archived)

Merry Christmas Span

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:24, archived)

Fuck off you cunt

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:36, archived)

Sorry thought you were 2 twats

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:37, archived)

Oh. :(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:50, archived)

It's ok. Because you aren't. And it's Christmas.
So hi Windy Pig I hope you and the fam have had a good one.

FLAKE AND HOOKERS
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:56, archived)

Spliffs and beers and confirmation that my brother is still enough of a knob that once a year is plenty.
Good to see my dad properly though.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:59, archived)

Merry Christmas spanflam
I for one will never dance again
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:46, archived)

Good you were shit anyway

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:56, archived)

Everybody is shit at dancing, the trick is to not give a fuck

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:00, archived)

No the trick is to not be shit at dancing.
In other news i think I am the first man to be pregnant from eating too much turkey
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:05, archived)

Thanks for the offer of a laptop, I've got my sister's 2006 acer now though so sorted

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:50, archived)

No worries I have 3 core 2 duos running Kali.
They would be total shit at running windows but the offer was there and that's the thought that counts you ungrateful cunt.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:57, archived)

I had a tenner on an old queen popping her clogs over Christmas
Cash out now or let it ride?
(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:02, archived)

You're like an hour late

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:03, archived)

Bloody dial up interwebz

(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:06, archived)

You have been a member here for 12 years
And you are still on dial up.

Are you Robs comedy account?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:08, archived)

He died about 40 mins ago you prick

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:05, archived)

How far away were you when you pulled the trigger
Must have been some distance to get odds like that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:12, archived)

Ask your Nan

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:14, archived)

Fuck you with a trumpet

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:54, archived)

Christ who let you out?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:05, archived)

RIP Boy George :(

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:07, archived)

Ukulele-based musical comedy will never be the same

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:28, archived)

Merry Christmas horbs

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:19, archived)

Just watched that 'It's a Beautiful Life'

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:51, archived)

time to get niiiiicely toasted
Wot you drinking?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 19:44, archived)

red wine

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 19:45, archived)

^this^
I don't think my ma was entirely chuffed at me getting through three bottles yesterday.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:11, archived)

Stop insisting upon yourself

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:53, archived)

3 Bottle Nyquist

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 23:30, archived)

San Miguel and a whisky chaser

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 19:49, archived)

red wine

( broadsword w⚓, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 19:54, archived)

san miguel and a whisky chaser

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 20:02, archived)

Coke and hookers

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 20:06, archived)

san miguel and a whisky chaser

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 20:10, archived)

alright ss

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 20:38, archived)

Stan Chigwell and a frisky waiter

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 20:44, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8030239
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 20:46, archived)

Coffee

( mongychops, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:01, archived)

Beer, wine and whatever else is open in the fridge.
If my boss thinks I'm going to be productive in any way tomorrow, she's an eejit.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:04, archived)

You are for going to work tomorrow

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:13, archived)

+are led it off the road.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:15, archived)

We got my dad a fire TV stick.
His first question was how to get porn on it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:10, archived)

There's some app called cream...somethjnf

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:14, archived)

It's very good
Have you installed Kodi yet?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:14, archived)

i shall drink from the 28-31+
after all this family stuff is done.
IT WILL BE MASSIVE.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:18, archived)

Nothing, but I'm about to fix that.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 21:20, archived)

Details

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:22, archived)

moldovan pinot noir, ruby port, rum and laphroaig

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:29, archived)

Does everyone lie on here
Or are we all just pricks?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:45, archived)

JD with cinnamon
Fucking lovely
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 22:52, archived)

Gaaaaayyyyyy

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 0:06, archived)

All the alcohol
Which has led to me throwing up.
Cheers :)
(Tupperware Box Full of Angry Bumble Bees , 30p each or three for a quid, Mon 26 Dec 2016, 2:12, archived)

Cheers

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 31 Dec 2016, 16:52, archived)

on a mother fucking dubs as well!

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 31 Dec 2016, 16:53, archived)

sapnin

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 11:56, archived)

Alright MGT

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 11:59, archived)

Hiho MGT
About to crack into some whisky and get Christmas started properly
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 12:17, archived)

I don't think my mum's too chuffed that I've a penchant for her wine.
Or at least I don't think she's chuffed I drank 3 bottles of it yesterday.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 12:20, archived)

No chance of that here, although I put a dent in a bottle of port last night

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:22, archived)

mgt
got any useful presents?
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 12:56, archived)

yes
a solar-powered torch
how about you?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:02, archived)

also i'm sure Terry's Chocolate Oranges used to be completely solid,
i mean apart from the cuts between the segments, now they're hollowed out a little bit to put an orangey-pattern on the inside

i blame Brexit
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:04, archived)

I got a Toblerone and it didn't have sections removed
So I'm calling bullshit on that article, like the straight banana debacle
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:20, archived)

maybe you got lucky,
cos i bought one just to check, as soon as i heard, and it did have fewer sections.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:29, archived)

Well if the sun's shining then why would you even need a torch?
That's a shit present.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 15:18, archived)

i dont care for presents ever
but i excel at giving them out. im stupid.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 19:44, archived)

your all gay

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:11, archived)

It's the time of year to be gay innit

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:22, archived)

indeed
Santa got Grindr for xmas
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:31, archived)

Alright mgt

( mongychops, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:21, archived)

alright

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:31, archived)

alright
crismus innit
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:41, archived)

Merry Shitmas
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 13:57, archived)

In a car in a carpark in Lomza
driving with babies is a fucking chore
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 14:06, archived)

home now, boiled pig and cabbage cos Mcdonalds was shut

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 18:32, archived)

wine

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 14:07, archived)

I've been gifted 17 pairs of socks.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 16:01, archived)

Lucky fucker

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 16:57, archived)

I tell you what, I need them.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 17:13, archived)

Merry Christmas gay'ses

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 6:26, archived)

I hope Santa trampled soot into your carpet
and Rudolph done a shit in your gutters
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 7:01, archived)

He did, m8
He did
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 7:16, archived)

Youngest awake from 3.
Eventually relented at 5 and told him to open his stocking, then the others woke up.
Merry Christmas, 2Hats (and whoever else is up at this unholy hour).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 7:02, archived)

Fuck that
Have a nice day, love
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 7:17, archived)

I've baked (and eaten) sausage rolls, so all is now good.
Ice skating in a bit.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:45, archived)

eat drink and be merry all of yous guys n gals
and filleth thine heart with mirth until it runneth over
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 7:59, archived)

santa spunkem into mummy lol

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:32, archived)

I wonder if the spoon's are open yet

( mongychops, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:47, archived)

I think they open at 8am

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:51, archived)

Normally do , might try calling

( mongychops, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:54, archived)

reserve us a table

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:57, archived)

Website says they are not doing foood today, wankers

( mongychops, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 9:00, archived)

MERRY CHRISTMAS

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:49, archived)

OOGA BOOGA!

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:51, archived)

I didn't realise I already posted when I posted that other one. Maybe I should go back to bed.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 9:14, archived)

Merry Christmas dudes!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Dec 2016, 8:52, archived)

Merry Christmas.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 11:23, archived)

Merry Christmas

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 11:58, archived)

it's christmas time in hollis, queens (and everywhere else)
merry christmas to all my forum chums. thanks for not causing me too many headaches this year. have a good day tomorrow. and if that doesn't work, come here and post skinks
( manolith hooray for me, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 23:37, archived)

Santa is officially heading to Exeter from Portugal
Merry Christmas, cockfucks
( H.B.Mupps, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 23:46, archived)

Does Santa recognise Palestine?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 23:54, archived)

I'd imagine he does, Bethlehem's there
Kind of integral to his livelihood that

Oh, and merry Christmas, Windy :D
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 0:10, archived)

My daughter's set a record for being up early on Christmas morning by coming in 20 minutes ago.
You'll be pleased to know that Santa's been. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 25 Dec 2016, 1:00, archived)

Francis Rossi will be laughing at disaster on his own, from now on.
A genuine b3ta tragedy, this one.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:09, archived)

^ too late, slowpoke.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:10, archived)

Pretty sure no hands is dead ,maybe even sturdy girl, who would know

( mongychops, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:33, archived)

The polar bear and the penguin are almost certainly gone, too.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:37, archived)

someone needs to protect that bloke with the funny face 24/7 until Jan 1st 2017, we can't lose any more legends!!!'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 21:01, archived)

He got run over by a fucklift.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 21:23, archived)

I wonder if Babs is still alive

( mongychops, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 21:35, archived)

See You Next Wednesday.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 21:38, archived)

I'm such a nosey bugger, tell me your xmas eve plans
I've got Cliff Richard 20-1 to kick the bucket by New Years Day.
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:26, archived)

Should've kept that to yourself, meight.
If he dies, we'll know it was you ordered the hit.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:28, archived)

He's got enough in the Jesus bank...
...to last a few more years yet. Immortality isn't out of the question.
( David Richardson, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:36, archived)

Maybe I should have put it on Brucey instead :(

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:39, archived)

Now that's more like it.
Kirk Douglas or Stan Lee too. A 2017 acca may be the way to go.
( David Richardson, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:43, archived)

Be ill and go to work, hurray

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:44, archived)

Aww hope it goes quick.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 18:14, archived)

Cheers, me too

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 22:28, archived)

went for a few pints
dumping the other half and going back out and getting smashed
(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 18:17, archived)

just got back from Polish christmas dinner
It was more horrible than you could possibly imagine
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 18:37, archived)

I had to visit my cousins. It was alright, they had two types of pie.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 18:41, archived)

with crust and without crust?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 18:52, archived)

What do the Poles have for xmas dinner?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 18:51, archived)

An extra helping of potato.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:04, archived)

boiled carp in jelly
fried carp
spiced carp in carrots
jellied herring
pickled herring
and some rank mixture of poppy seeds, pasta and cream.

Brother in law got me a bottle of laphroig to help me survive it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:19, archived)

Laphroaig is a great way to blot out the taste of everything else.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:28, archived)

Mmmm TCP!

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:51, archived)

T P
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 20:13, archived)

sounds vile

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:33, archived)

Filling the kids' stockings and knicking Santa's whisky.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 19:03, archived)

Merry Christmas you lot
imgur.com/a/gSTJJ
( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:50, archived)

I'm Jewish AMA

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:56, archived)

Jewish Shola
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:59, archived)

phwoar!

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 13:03, archived)

Was that you last night?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:56, archived)

I am a model citizen, how dare you

( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:57, archived)

citizen village
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:42, archived)

Merry Christmas Theo.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 13:36, archived)

Merry Christmas Windles

( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 13:40, archived)

OH MY GAWD. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:11, archived)

I bet you're tracking Santa too.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:29, archived)

Happy birthday Jesus o'lith

( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:57, archived)

merry christmas
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:35, archived)

You truly have the jolly christmas cheer
You sunny camper
( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:58, archived)

Ah lovely :)

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:41, archived)

Merry Christmas Twoey

( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 14:58, archived)

Hi love
Merry Christmas
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 15:34, archived)

Rick Parfitt is dead

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 15:24, archived)

We should declare this a day of mourning.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 15:27, archived)

has happytoast posted an image on /board yet?

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 15:47, archived)

no, but it's causing a threadrush

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 15:55, archived)

Oh noes teh quo

( mongychops, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 16:08, archived)

not in the Army anymore
:(
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:12, archived)

i fucking love christmas

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 15:36, archived)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
it's setup beat puke AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA \o/
( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:29, archived)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

( Theoban What of it, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 17:58, archived)

merry morning

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:03, archived)

merry merriment

( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:35, archived)

Only one more sleeps!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:49, archived)

I don't think I'll be able to sleep, I'm too EXCITES!!

( H.B.Mupps, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:35, archived)

get your arse to Argos

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:40, archived)

Been, laughed at the people queuing, picked up my purchase from the Fast Track desk.
In your face, non-savvy shoppers!

Time to crack on with making veggie sausage rolls, now. Woo, Christmas!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:50, archived)

Festive foreday Tannenbaumkovsky

( H.B.Mupps, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:53, archived)

Strikey-g skin

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:24, archived)

Oh get Ickes

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:31, archived)

I'm cooking the turkey now just in case

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:37, archived)

trips get

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:40, archived)

Its a Christmas miracle!

( H.B.Mupps, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:49, archived)

You're supposed to kill it first.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:50, archived)

Get the sprouts on to boil.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:50, archived)

CHRISTMAS

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:58, archived)

Suppose I better get up and go get some xmas shopping done

( mongychops, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:00, archived)

I'm going to open the boxes from amazon. If they've sent the wrong stuff, well, that's what people are getting.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:57, archived)

Morrisons was rammed at 8am this morning!

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:37, archived)

so was your nan

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 11:59, archived)

She deffo needed a clean up in aisle 2

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:46, archived)

solid bruv

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 10:50, archived)

Our thoughts and prayers are with all the other people who also had heart attacks last night yet through not appearing in a few films for children 40 years ago are somehow worth less

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 11:08, archived)

xxx

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 11:31, archived)

In a just world, their life energy would be sacrificed in order to return Carrie Fisher to her youthful glory.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:55, archived)

happy afternoon

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 12:00, archived)

only about an hour and a half to go before he's off! squeeee!
www.noradsanta.org/
( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 5:24, archived)

I have to brave Argos, this morning.
Not cool.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 7:13, archived)

aiieee :-O

( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:35, archived)

santa died back in 2005
he was attacked by militia in Sudan
(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sat 24 Dec 2016, 7:54, archived)

if santa's going to die in any year, 2016 seems most likely going by its performance so far, I'd say

( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:37, archived)

I just signed up to betfred for a free £50 bet
I won £986 in about 38 seconds.

That's a good Christmas present isn't it?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 2:24, archived)

I bet you spend it all on coke and hookers

( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 5:25, archived)

It's all gone

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 7:45, archived)

ha ha five hours, top work

( vladimir, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 8:34, archived)

I am a professional

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 24 Dec 2016, 9:31, archived)