morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 6:57, archived)

Morning.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:21, archived)

I knew I could count on you

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:44, archived)

I've got nobody else

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:50, archived)

you and me m8
we're like *that*
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:58, archived)

Ken Dodd

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:21, archived)

I thought he'd been dead for ages.
Turns out he was just hiding.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:26, archived)

Now reunited with his father's dog.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:30, archived)

the last of a generation
I hope
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:44, archived)

the original Bill Hicks

( $$ ✅, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:40, archived)

It really is.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:25, archived)

deffo

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:44, archived)

hi

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:54, archived)

short and to the point

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 7:57, archived)

to the point fat
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:35, archived)

rude

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:02, archived)

Good Morning!

(immadme, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:37, archived)

steady on

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:47, archived)

yes

( $$ ✅, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:41, archived)

are you sure?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:47, archived)

YOU are the best
you're the BEST
you're a tiger, grrr
ok, let's do it
let's GO
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:49, archived)

I don't like Frosties soz

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 8:56, archived)

rip the frosties 'gonna taste great' kid :'(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)

disgusting

( $$ ✅, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:13, archived)

That kid got death threats
and yet those fucking meerkats are allowed to endure. What a world.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:14, archived)

Meerkats aren't real

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:15, archived)

neither's your face, m8

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)

haha they're hilarious, aren't they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)

It bothers me that banking and insurance products are marketed to adults via cartoon characters and cuddly toys.
If you're swayed by Top Cat, or the promise of a meerkat plushie, you probably shouldn't be trusted to make financial decisions.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)

I bank with hsbc to this day, thanks to the enticement of the then midland bank offering this haul of goodies
c1.staticflickr.com/6/5181/5653946011_1c39205af3_b.jpg
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)

blimey
I remember kids at school having all that shit. I had a woolwich building society account, so I got fuck all.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:46, archived)

I've still got the passbook to my old Woolwich account.
Whenever I go looking for the kids' passbooks, it's always the first one I find. Really should chuck it out.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:50, archived)

My wife's got a complete set of Natwest Piggy Banks.
I'm hoping we can auction them off, come retirement.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:48, archived)

Unfortunately only a very specific set of pigs are actually worth anything
An old mate of mine was offered £150 for his, which he turned down because he'd read online that they were worth thousands. He never got an offer that high ever again.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:53, archived)

They made loads, I've got a set, worth fuck all

( mongychops, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

^
Also, lots of candles
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:58, archived)

I know, I was joking.
Happy candles, btw.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:59, archived)

yeah, but flintstones tho

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)

Flintstones was shit.
Reckon it only got made to prove that kids would watch any old crap so long as it was in cartoon form.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:51, archived)

I'm certain this is wrong
but I haven't watched Flinstones recently enough to dispute it
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:53, archived)

and it was filmed in front of a live, studio audience

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:54, archived)

it was simply a cartoon version of the honeymooners

( $$ ✅, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

morning

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:34, archived)

too late, denied, no morning for you

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:38, archived)

Hi

( mongychops, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 9:57, archived)

Candle

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Mar 2018, 10:00, archived)

+in the wind

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 10:09, archived)

that's just obscene

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 10:05, archived)

Evenin' all.
I don't know if you noticed but I said that in one of those stereotypical policeman voices.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:31, archived)

it's a fair cop you got me bang to rights

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:37, archived)

Irish stew h'in the name of the law.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:41, archived)

Sold the other 239cm wardobe
Got an email asking if it will fit in their hatchback. Fucks sake.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:38, archived)

they do know what a wardrobe is right

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:40, archived)

You know what? I'm not sure that they do

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:50, archived)

maybe they thought it was a war doctor with an OBE

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:56, archived)

Yeah, that must be it

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 22:48, archived)

Tell them it'll be fine as soon as it's been deflated.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:42, archived)

I can't deflate it because I lost the adaptor
I made that clear in the description
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 20:51, archived)

"It will, but bring a saw"

( $$ ✅, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:14, archived)

They asked if we could dismantle it
But that's not going to make it any shorter
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:40, archived)

spunk on it

( $$ ✅, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:46, archived)

That really depends on how you dismantle it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 23:08, archived)

I'll get it in their hatchback.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:16, archived)

You dirty old bollocks

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:24, archived)

I like the way it smells after it has rained.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:58, archived)

Me too

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 22:48, archived)

My old housemate once asked me to give him a hand carrying a wardrobe out his room.
He'd already pointed out it was going to be smashed up and taken to the tip. I pointed out it'd probably be easier to break it in his room then carry it down in bits. He kicked it and got his foot stuck in the backboard.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 23:14, archived)

Mothering Sunday?
Wuthering Bumday!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:16, archived)

lol like in Wuthering Shites

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:54, archived)

Kate's Bush

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 22:23, archived)

That must be why I feel anxious

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:43, archived)

Plot twist: those new boots were stolen and you're now a fence.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 22:17, archived)

What fucking weirdo lurker is going back voting on stuff from Friday.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 23:08, archived)

Probably me

(omally Lurkus Maximus, Mon 12 Mar 2018, 12:41, archived)

the lodger has just surprised me
by giving me a cracking pair of studded boots for mother's day.
when was the last time you had a pleasant surprise?

alt: sunday lunch. what are you having?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:18, archived)

Are you a mother?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:26, archived)

no
but she said i'm like a surrogate mother to her
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:26, archived)

Creepy

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:26, archived)

slightly
but these boots are fabulous
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:30, archived)

pics pls

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 19:28, archived)

I would but I'm on my 4th gin and tonic

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 21:43, archived)

also pics pls

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 22:57, archived)

The less popular first draft of ghostbzzzzz

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 19:59, archived)

I've just bought two lovely pieces of sirloin from morrisons for tea.
Currently drinking beer watching wonder woman
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:43, archived)

noice
i'm waiting for this chicken to cook
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:45, archived)

I'll probably be too drunk to cook it come 5 o'clock

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:46, archived)

can't handle daytime drinking
i pass out on the couch and then don't sleep for the rest of the night
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:54, archived)

Then perhaps you should do the cooking instead of leaving it to a chicken.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 18:43, archived)

dunno

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:58, archived)

Just solved a Rubik's Cube.
By dismantling and rebuilding it.
I'm classing this as a pleasant surprise, as I'd assumed I wouldn't be able to put it back together.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:01, archived)

i used my mum's iron to steam the stickers off

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:17, archived)

Guy that sits next to me at work started solving them while waiting for his code to build.
He's got it down to just over a minute.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:23, archived)

Put some more modern kit in his computer, just to make him think he is losing his mental agility.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:36, archived)

Vegetarian stir-fry, which means I've had two vegetarian meals this weekend.
I'm sure this is a record for me.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:02, archived)

i have vegetarian meals quite often
not because i don't want to eat meat, just because i sometimes fancy a plate of veg or salad
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:18, archived)

Had daal Friday and chickpea curry last night.
I could blow a dog off a chain.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:26, archived)

Yer, chickpeas were involved here as well.
I've already startled the cats a couple of times.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:43, archived)

and now i want houmous

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:53, archived)

Large doner

( mongychops, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:08, archived)

the one fast food dirt snack i will sometimes eat

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)

Quite like the hoagies they do in Glasgow.
Basically a donner wrapped up in a naan but with chips in it as well. No fork needed.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:28, archived)

They do doner burritos in my local, I'm not a customer

( mongychops, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:38, archived)

after the pub?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:35, archived)

It was my pleasant surprise

( mongychops, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:38, archived)

two oranges

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:13, archived)

put them up your jumper and pretend they're tits

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:25, archived)

12" meat feast

( $$ ✅, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:30, archived)

IBYD

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:31, archived)

*unzips*

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:34, archived)

He said "12" meat feast", not "1 2" meat feast".

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 16:57, archived)

and doing it 6 times doesn't count

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)

wakey wakey eggs and despondency

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 7:27, archived)

Word to your mother.
Me and the daughter made eggs royale for her mother and grandmother, this morning.
#breakfastchat
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 8:21, archived)

I need
cooked food.

Bacna and eggna are in the offing.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 8:38, archived)

Massively hungover
Cooked breakfast didn't happen. Dioralyte and banana.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)

Coffee and spicy noodles here

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 8:40, archived)

Reminds me of when SuperNoodle sandwiches were de rigueur at uni.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)

Supernoodles are too gloopy

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 9:23, archived)

noodles are too
+Nuts are we
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 9:31, archived)

+led it off the road
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 14:07, archived)

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Happy Mothering Sunday ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ to every beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no children ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 10:48, archived)

✓
( broadsword w⚓, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)

cheese and haggis toasties here

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:09, archived)

scratch that
spacefish accidentally got black pudding instead so i'm going hungry
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:13, archived)

he is going back to the shop
because he is a good lad
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:16, archived)

poor spacefish :(

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 13:37, archived)

Good morning one and all

( broadsword w⚓, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:21, archived)

I'm very guffy today.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:25, archived)

Y'alreet.
Risks of going to bed at 05:30 include waking up at 12:15 and missing the shops.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 11:37, archived)

Juicier time

( mongychops, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 12:15, archived)

I'm going over for the Spurs game

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 13:37, archived)

Massive tits
Like, really big
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 13:41, archived)

disgusting

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 13:47, archived)

On a 3hr bus journey, my headphone jack was blocked. Popped a spring bar out my watch and unblocked it. Feel like a prisoner who has picked their handcuffs.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 14:51, archived)

"yes, i'll take the ones covered in pink fur, please"

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Mar 2018, 15:26, archived)

evening thread

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:17, archived)

Hi.
I went to a place you would like today. Cafe on a run way, few old planes, watching little single prop stuff take off and land, awful coffee in a cold cabin full of bikers/pilots/classic car nerds
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:24, archived)

yer, I like places like that
rip-off prices for Snickers but egg and bacon butties where all the grease runs down your chin. Lavverly.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:29, archived)

That's it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:45, archived)

What bike did you take there
and did everyone laugh at it?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:48, archived)

bandit. no.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:04, archived)

I tried the tiger and the triple out the other year, great bikes , I enjoyed them both but I'd never made use of the tiger, and then my daughter got really sad about me buying a bike (Polly her mum telling her I'll die) so I bought a van

( mongychops, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:09, archived)

if i had the space, i would get both,
but i'd get more use out of the tiger as it's more versatile
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:12, archived)

I couldn't fault either. But I like having a van

( mongychops, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:25, archived)

i do like all the sport modes on the triple,
could get very naughty on a bike like that.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:26, archived)

Wotcher.
They're going to make me use a fucking Mac at work, like some sort of spotty Silicon Valley hipster tosspot, so I spent this afternoon seeing if I could find a cheap second-hand crappy one on which to learn the basics. That's when I learned never to use the words 'cheap' and 'Mac' in the same sentence: the cheapest second-hand one I could find was 700 sodding euros.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:52, archived)

i'll sell you my macbook pro for 1k

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:13, archived)

The first second-hand one I was offered this afternoon was going for a little over a grand.
You can get a perfectly good high-performance Windows laptop for about €200. It's stupid money.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:19, archived)

This one's only
£40.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:15, archived)

lol
That's going to be me for my first week at work, I reckon.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:19, archived)

I threatened to quit after using a Mac for a week
the boss capitulated, but I was shunned by the graphics and UX departments after that.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:27, archived)

It's just such a spacky machine.
If you work in anything involving image processing, they're unbeatable, but for anything else they're massive lemons.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:37, archived)

They're alright for programming as well as they're unixey enough to develop on whilst still being usable desktop machines out of the box.
Of course things like docker and vagrant mean there's no reason you can't do that on a pc these days.

But every time I use a windows machine these days I want to throw it out the window.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:05, archived)

It's not even windows half the time, a lot of it is the corporate software that comes with it.
Outlook is a pain in the arse, sharepoint makes finding anything impossible, excel makes life harder because absolute idiots build terrible spreadsheets and make them part of the workflow rather than finding a frictionless solution mcaffee or symantic bloat the boxes up.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:10, archived)

Excel has always been a bit shit regardless of the platform, to be fair.
What worries me more is that I've spent the past fifteen years of my career using various specialised software suites, none of which is available for Mac.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:18, archived)

pearls before swine, etc.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:07, archived)

I got one foisted upon me at my new job.
They're a piece of piss to learn once you get used to the slightly different keyboard.

A few weekends into the job I'd managed to install osx on a thinkpad I had kicking around. It's great.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:03, archived)

I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around the logic behind it.
By all accounts the company is in dire need of people who do what I do and I'm going to be swamped with work from day one. It makes zero sense to plonk me in an entirely unfamiliar environment and it's going to torpedo my productivity.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:05, archived)

I shouldn't really make you that unproductive, they're very easy to get used to.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:05, archived)

We'll see.
I'm still feeling like a bit of a race traitor at the moment.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:15, archived)

My best mate told me his missus is dying of lung cancer today , hugging a 60 year old man as he sobbed he's heart out was tough, but I feel ok now

( mongychops, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:00, archived)

my stepdad's not got long either, he's doing about 30mg of morphine a week right now

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:28, archived)

You can live with an opiate addiction pretty much indefinitely.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:06, archived)

Evening
Saturday night and I'm stuck in watching Carrie
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 20:58, archived)

Ffs, it's the remake

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:02, archived)

That's rough.
Good he's got someone to talk to though.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 11 Mar 2018, 8:25, archived)

Fucking nerds ruining a good evening thread

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:13, archived)

Grep, xargs or awk?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:39, archived)

hello
My hands are bollocked after Ikea wankness and bastard screws in shitting toys. Other than that. It was lovely. Really nice day.

Love
MrA
( MrA, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:59, archived)

Peace

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 22:20, archived)

I am a heron
I haev a long neck and I pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. If you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages, I will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans.

Alt: alright
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 11:38, archived)

*looks up heron recipes*

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 12:48, archived)

+i

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)

fuck that, it's all medieval shit

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 12:58, archived)

Take a heron; lete him blode as a crane, And serue him in al poyntes as a crane, in scalding, drawing, and kuttyng the bone of the nekke a-wey, And lete the skyn be on, & c.; roste him and sause him as þe Crane; breke awey the bone fro the kne to the fote, And lete the skyn be on.

Crane Rosted . . . his sauce is to be mynced with pouder of gynger, vynegre, & Mustard.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 13:05, archived)

that's the stuff

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 13:24, archived)

aye

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 13:51, archived)

They've started doing this every Tuesday at my local spoons, £6.99 with a pint of whatever you like, pretty good really.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:11, archived)

i'd have thought it would go well with cranberry

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:15, archived)

Come on over to my place, hey you! (Hey you) I'm havin' a Wimpy!
'member?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 13:28, archived)

I'll give you a Wimpy

( $$ ✅, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 13:44, archived)

you promised me a whopper
now look at this sorry, miserable, squashed thing
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 14:37, archived)

it will still fill you up

( $$ ✅, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 14:45, archived)

Bender more like lol

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)

is 'having a Wimpy' a euphemism for when you don't quite have the energy to finish?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 14:17, archived)

No

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)

Alright
I saw a couple of herons today, they did indeed haev long necks, didn't see them pick any fish out of the water w/ their beaks though :(
( H.B.Mupps, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 14:54, archived)

i saw a heron out of my office window the other day,
which doesn't even make sense
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 16:09, archived)

Better there than sat behind your boss's desk, sending out dozens of officious emails

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 16:47, archived)

Did it haev a long neck?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:10, archived)

yas

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:03, archived)

I got a nice new phone, they had fuck all stock so I got a Samsung a3, probably shit

( mongychops, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 15:07, archived)

I just seen a breitling I actually liked.
www.dogsonacid.com/attachments/img_1086-jpg.145507/
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 16:49, archived)

Looks alright, dunno that model, old quartz one's go cheap sometimes, 500 quid odd
Oh and I've just found my list phone in the garden, ffs
( mongychops, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 17:14, archived)

Does it still work?
Are there many breitlings that understated? Most of the one's I've seen have all been big and gaudy.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:48, archived)

alright

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 16:09, archived)

alright mgt.
How's your new job?

Since changing mine I've been working with a lot of modern cloud stuff. Serverless event-driven AWS lambdas are amazing really. It's almost like a codey version of the game pipedream.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 16:48, archived)

it's..
kind of strange, a bit of an eye opener tbh
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 17:22, archived)

sup nig

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:11, archived)

jus chillin

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:17, archived)

sweet

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:24, archived)

got an album in the works

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:26, archived)

ooh cool!

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:29, archived)

I made an album a couple of years ago. Had CDs made properly and everything. No idea what to do with it now.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:30, archived)

listen to it on repeat

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:32, archived)

I often do that while driving.
Just put this up: soundcloud.com/sid-viscous/kung-fu-muscle-redux
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:33, archived)

yeah i might put one of my new tracks up soon,
i've started working in Renoise on the PC, a bit of a step up in fidelity from my traditional Amiga Protracker stuff.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:36, archived)

Bluddy hell, you must be one of the few people still using an Amiga.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:44, archived)

I keep getting the itch to buy one. Don't even know what I'd do with it really.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 18:47, archived)

SEUCK

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:55, archived)

kind of fun but very limited..
it was better on the C64 from what i gather
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:55, archived)

well i've mostly been using an emulator,
but plenty of people are still making music on them. And demos. I did this last year www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqymTzXs_w
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:02, archived)

btw i just posted the Heron thing on Twitter and "Edinburgh Watch" retweeted it

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 19:06, archived)

I hope they did it at least another nine times or their kitchen is going to look shocking tomorrow.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 21:22, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 5:47, archived)

Good moaning.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 10 Mar 2018, 8:08, archived)

YARSE!
What's for breakfast?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)

Pancakes with scrambled eggs and bacon.
And the unholy combination of syrup and ketchup.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 10:13, archived)

Many have burned for lesser devilry.
Is that really any good though? Because it sounds grim.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 10:18, archived)

Belatedly, yes, it's fucking lovely.
Only a weirdo would put syrup on the bacon and ketchup on the pancakes, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 16:38, archived)

Ello.
Last night's curry is doing a number on my back end.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 10:16, archived)

Last night I popped into the local corner shop for a packet of crisps and got some 'sweet and spicy' plantain chips.
They must have been designed for Jamaican taste buds or something because they had a completely mental level of spiciness to them.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 10:20, archived)

morning, waiting for my lazy son to wake up so i can go get a new phone

( mongychops, Sat 10 Mar 2018, 10:22, archived)

Nasty and negative thread
You may not be complimentary or nice.
Fuck you everybody, let's be evil cunts, share our resentment and sabotage each other in this thread.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:41, archived)

Is this horbs' sockpuppet?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:51, archived)

I am my own sockpuppet.
I am not horbs, dozer or cranley.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:05, archived)

Or spanishfly.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:05, archived)

I am cheered to hear it.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:05, archived)

Alright Boudicca.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:48, archived)

Beakdicka
thank you.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:53, archived)

Beakus Dickus

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 19:37, archived)

I bet you do you dirty old bollocks

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 19:45, archived)

Shit off, beakdick

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:18, archived)

Is it worse to have a dick like a
beak or a beak like a dick?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:41, archived)

Well there's a reason it gets called a pecker
You don't hear nicknames for dick-shaped beaks, do you?
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:45, archived)

Elliot from ET called his brother 'penis breath'.
No, you're right.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:47, archived)

Love

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:29, archived)

I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Best I could probably manage in the hate stakes would be an unsatisfying fuck session.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:38, archived)

That's not hate it's incompetence.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:42, archived)

Hang on, unsatisfying for whom?

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:46, archived)

"I'm not angry, just disappointed "

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:46, archived)

'But it's never happened before!'

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 19:30, archived)

some of you lot really get up my nose sometimes
I mean, like, really on my wick, you know? It's not on.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 19:19, archived)

I'm sorry some of you had to read that, but there it is

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 19:31, archived)

Sometimes I reckon you're one of the ones on here most likely to be having a MASSIVE BENNY at some mocking children, saying things like 'DON"T GIVE ME LIP' while they stand around laughing and filming you.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 19:37, archived)

nice & positive thread: you may not be mean or nasty
come on everybody, let's be really nice, share our feelings and support each other in this thread.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 16:55, archived)

Shit off, dick beak

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:02, archived)

those are really creative insults, maybe they will catch on!
stay positive Windy Pig! I like your name.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:03, archived)

Shit off, dick beak

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:04, archived)

yay for windy pig's insult catching on
and yay for SS who made it happen! good on you!
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:06, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:04, archived)

Cheers

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:05, archived)

Cheers

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:06, archived)

cheers

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:07, archived)

cheers

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:14, archived)

cheers

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:21, archived)

cheers

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:24, archived)

Chairs

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:30, archived)

Cheers

(Enron Hubbard had a big meaty piss on, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:46, archived)

Shit off, dick beak

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:14, archived)

great stuff 2h

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 18:07, archived)

What a wonderfully fresh idea you have created
I think this is an amazing new look for talk
(Paint! Another one lost, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:17, archived)

This is so fucking nice and positive that I'm off to shit a rainbow

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:37, archived)

nice and positive gay
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:42, archived)

wanker

( mongychops, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:42, archived)

At least give us the chance to get drunk first.
(Enron Hubbard had a big meaty piss on, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 17:51, archived)

Great, well now that everyone's done the fucking quiz
Weekend plans/foOod/music/shoes/shoe/potluck

Pick a thread
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:30, archived)

potluck, please

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)

*spins wheel*
OK...and we've got...."When was the last time you climbed a tree?"
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:34, archived)

cor, many year ago
trees weren't like the trees you have today. You couldn't get trees for love or money back then. You had to share one with your neighbour and even then you had to wait half a year before you could climb it. Not like now. It's all health and safety now. You can't do half the things we used to with a tree back in our day.
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:39, archived)

kids today wouldn't know scrumping if it kicked them in the goolies and stole their pokeymen

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:40, archived)

exactly

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:43, archived)

AND you can't get a good sycamore any more DESPITE the promises of this so called Tory government
it's political correctness gone mad
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:56, archived)

I lost my virginity to a tree

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)

you couldn't fuck an oak back then
attitudes have changed today, thankfully. Kids would tease each other calling others 'oak fucker' or 'your father's an oak fucker.'
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:44, archived)

christ, I remember that
some lad reckoned he shagged a willow. We all knew he was lying, but he was a mate, you know.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)

we all thought about it though, tbf
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willow_Rosenberg#/media/File:WillowRosenberg.jpg
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:15, archived)

oh, no question

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:34, archived)

I got into a drunken "fight" with a mate over "Willow or Buffy".

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:38, archived)

Jesus christ

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:39, archived)

Yeah.
But if she should ever find out about how I was prepared to defend her honour, I feel certain that she'd want to have sex with me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:48, archived)

take it to reddit neckbeard

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:00, archived)

Last summer
I wanted to see if I still could. I can.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:11, archived)

I might go buy some new boots

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)

for work?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:34, archived)

for jumping in muddy puddles?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)

I'll take potluck please

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:32, archived)

What did you want to be when you grow up?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:34, archived)

Train driver
No, actually, fireman
No, actually, a lady with cracking jubblies
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:40, archived)

These days you could be all three, you know

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:42, archived)

a pineapple

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:45, archived)

aw, that's lovely, that

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:51, archived)

You wanted spongebob inside you?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:32, archived)

best jacket potato topping?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:45, archived)

Butter?
I mean, there's a lot of other toppings, but it's all for nought without a knob of butter.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:48, archived)

chili con carne is quite good
but yes, butter is a must
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:49, archived)

I'm quite partial to prawn mayonnaise on a jacket potato.
Usually that or chili. Maybe chicken curry.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:57, archived)

More potato

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:31, archived)

inspudtion

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:48, archived)

I'd like to hear more about the lack of one day promotional activities at The Tilly Shilling.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:45, archived)

I bet they do a international mens day

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:47, archived)

intentional men's day

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:48, archived)

internecine men's day

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:49, archived)

yeah potluck for me too

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:46, archived)

Do you read reviews about a movie before deciding whether to watch it or not?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:48, archived)

the film section in the Radio Times used to advise if there was any nudity or scenes of a sexual nature in the final sentence of its precis for each film on telly in the coming week
that frequently used to inform my decision
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:56, archived)

The "parents guide" on imdb is often fantastically prudish.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:58, archived)

the worst sentence was always 'edited for sexual content'
like, come on man, there's no internet yet, all I've got is a small portable television in my bedroom
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:13, archived)

when I was a kid, I couldn't WAIT for the internet to be invented!
I used to check the phoneline every day. Ah, good times.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:35, archived)

I watched a bit of ET with the nipper last night
and there's a little blonde girl in there who looked eerily familiar.

I had to check IMDB to confirm it's the lady who gets her baps out for Seagal in Under Siege, and I wanked to a badly-paused VHS of said tits as a teen. Felt right weird looking at her as a pre-teen.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:16, archived)

What, Erika Eleniak off of Baywatch?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:29, archived)

yer
I wasn't allowed to watch Baywatch as a kid. Only Saturday TV we had was whatever awful shite Cilla Black was hosting.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:47, archived)

I was.
But it was rubbish, so I didn't.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:53, archived)

It doesn't matter for me. I have to go see it regardless of reviews
It was bad enough being made to watch Josh Widdecombe's sitcom last night. Thankfully we aborted it and watched Full Metal Jacket instead.
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:17, archived)

For what it's worth, I agree
I'm interested to hear what other people think of films, but it won't influence whether or not I watch them
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:39, archived)

Four of the top five popular posts are basically telling people to fuck off
It's good this, isn't it.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:37, archived)

Not very civil

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:39, archived)

what's so civil about war anyway?
#wise #deep
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:41, archived)

Fuck off

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:41, archived)

and a It's Always Sunny reference

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:42, archived)

because Manolith is a bastard man

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:43, archived)

dunno

( mongychops, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 12:52, archived)

Potluck
Oh, what fun!
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:13, archived)

What is your favorite hangout spot?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:20, archived)

Steam chat or Discord
Well that was uninspiring
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:31, archived)

If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:42, archived)

The 4-H Club

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:34, archived)

my flies lol

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:36, archived)

lol

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:39, archived)

lol

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:40, archived)

lol

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 13:42, archived)

lol

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 14:58, archived)

6/7
www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-43336679
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)

3/7

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:53, archived)

"up yours, dickface" Your score: 5/7

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:54, archived)

great quizzing

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)

6

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)

nah

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)

meanie

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:58, archived)

4/7

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)

Instead of taking the test,
I took two to the chest.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:05, archived)

Two what?
two iced cupcakes?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:07, archived)

We could all learn a lot from Christian Nü Metal, horbs.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)

The Beatles were shit, 4/7

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:06, archived)

5/7
You poo
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:12, archived)

I've just come back from the degenerate art exhibition
only thing degenerate there were two old men starting a fight whom I've had to remind in my calm and reserved manner that they are in a museum and should calm the fuck down.

4/7 bad quiz, boring questions
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)

That was a load of old shit.
We've got some mystery water in a basement and someone actually suggested divining rods.
Why do the people you work with make you want to be sick?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:38, archived)

Gunt stench

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:41, archived)

You don't have a job.
So it's got to be you. Maybe have a shower?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:42, archived)

Alright, Harvey Weinstein.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)

oof!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:49, archived)

This was a while ago
Got stuck next to some manky old witch at a call centre. She fucking stank.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:53, archived)

People who don't wash ought to be put down

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:54, archived)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/6649047
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

LoL

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:00, archived)

For the good of humanity
I can't bear bad smells, they turn my stomach like nothing else can.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

Imagine life 100 years ago when you couldn't buy shampoo and deoderant in every corner shop
and most people didn't have running hot water.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:24, archived)

Most people drank weak beer or gin
So I don't think they'd be too bothered
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:37, archived)

L'Eau de Kerry Katona

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)

Should have smacked her when I had the chance

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:14, archived)

When did you have the chance?

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:33, archived)

Her cousin's party about 15 years ago
She was being a gobby cunt
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)

I work with L E T S G O

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:45, archived)

He's a proper wanker

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:48, archived)

I haven't shared a workspace with anyone for 18 months now
I'd probably shit myself if I had to go back to working in an open office.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:46, archived)

Would probably be an effective way to ensure you weren't invited back.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:48, archived)

Yukkk

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:49, archived)

I run a pub named The Tilly Shilling.
Customers keep telling me how to run the place.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:47, archived)

that place is a fucking dive
even for a fucking wetherspoons. People in wetherspoons don't want to think about history, they want to have a cheap fucking pint.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:49, archived)

Is it near you?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:49, archived)

nah
most of what I say isn't true, Windy. You should know that by now.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:51, archived)

Even when you said you loved me?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:51, archived)

I said "most"
not all x
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:52, archived)

I had an uncomfortable conversation with a guy at work yesterday
who I think is in the grip (or in the early stages) of a total breakdown. I'm wondering whether or not to talk to someone about it, actually. I suspect his superiors are aware, but what if they're not, and he does something silly? Ugh.

Hi Windy.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:47, archived)

Luckily chances are if he's going to shoot the place up, best he'll get hold of is a janky old shotgun,
So unless he gets really close it'll just be getting some buckshot out of your thick blubbery hide.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:51, archived)

I'm fairly certain he won't try to hurt others
not fatally, anyway. I'm worried for him, more than anything.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:52, archived)

Maybe you should invite him over for dinner.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:54, archived)

As much as I want to help him
I also don't want him to know where I live
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

Arm yourself.
Be a hero.

Or do what you can to ensure he gets some help, but Where's the glory in that?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:52, archived)

he said the same thing about you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:55, archived)

when you told me about that, it reminded me of a time at a ba5h yeeeears ago
when a b3tan who shall remain nameless got really weird and scarily intense because he thought people were making fun of him
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)

I can guess who that is

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:40, archived)

oh no, he'll come and stab me now
OR SHE!
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)

Did you wank him off?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:43, archived)

No :(((

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:51, archived)

no, but allegedly they were involved in some public hanky panky at a different bash some time later

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)

I'm sure this would be delightfully salacious if I had the faintest idea who the involved parties were.
Could probably have avoided a scandal if you were more free with the hand-shandies, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:55, archived)

Radio 2

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:52, archived)

Smash the fuck out of the radio.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:54, archived)

The eBay bid on one of my wardrobes as been cancelled
for fuck's sake, I want these things gone. I don't really want to ditch them, because there's nowt wrong with them. Anybody want a couple of Ikea cupboards?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:55, archived)

Ikea?
Pleb.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:55, archived)

fuck you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

People who don't have kids get to have nice stuff.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:42, archived)

How big? Pics pls

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

50 x 239
our ceilings are too low for the fuckers in the new place
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)

get new ceilings instead of getting rid of the wardrobes
god, do i have to think of everything
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:53, archived)

Shows what you know
I've already got a ceiling guy on standby
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:56, archived)

what sort of absolute cave dweller would have to resort to second-hand Ikea furniture?
maybe shove them on freecycle or see if there's a local facebook buy and sell group
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:57, archived)

freecycle might be the way to go
I'm not on the facebook, you know that
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:03, archived)

it will only make you angry
just dump them
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:07, archived)

you mean I've been sending friend requests to all the wrong people?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:24, archived)

Turn them into a go-kart

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:58, archived)

I fucking hate selling shit on ebay

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:20, archived)

I'm not sure people want to buy excrement

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:24, archived)

horse manure near my Dad's place used to sell for quite a bit
upper middle class wanting fancy rosebeds but no GMOs etc
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)

Oh, they'll buy it
it's corn enriched
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)

the two people in my office are decent
but there are some proper cunts elsewhere. the us and them thing between support staff and academics is pretty strong too
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)

It's bad here too.
Some are alright, but there is some extreme elitism.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:09, archived)

right that's it
I'm doing a DPhil at Oxford
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:25, archived)

dPhil poo
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:26, archived)

my save it for Paul's house

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)

you're doing dr phil?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:29, archived)

keep it on the down-low
not everyone knows
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:30, archived)

say no more

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:39, archived)

I work with sexy people
I'm self employed! lol
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:27, archived)

Your boss is a right arsehole though, right?
hahahaha
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 10:53, archived)

not me, my friend sent me this email today:
international women's day today, and coincidentally the birthday of tilly shilling , WW2 RAF engineer who solved the problem of spitfire engines cutting out during combat manoeuvres.
there is a pub named after her so i phoned up the manager to ask if they were having a special celebration.. as ( 1) it's women's day (2) your pub is named after a female engineer whose birthday is also today. obviously get the local tv news cameras in... but no, he didnt give a shit. it's a wetherspoons pub.. i wonder if head office will be cheesed off at him for letting this opportunity slip through his fingers, or am i just overthinking.. what a shite businessman though...he should be horsewhipped.. what a cunt. bamm i got away with saying "cunt" on women's day.. challenge completed! galactically inappropriate cunt achievement unlocked! whoomp there it is!
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:15, archived)

so you just blundered in here with someone else's banal story about a failed media opportunity
What do you want, a lollipop? Fuck off back under your rock.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:17, archived)

Whistle lollies have been upgraded to slide whistle lollies, since I was a kid.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)

you think you own the place or something?
you've got shit on your clothes.
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:22, archived)

you've got shit on your top lip m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)

You fucking bellend
I'm not reading all that shit. I'm just going to go ahead and assume it's a load of old wank, and probably not true
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:24, archived)

Haha, I originally posted this in the wrong place
but on reflection, it's very apt
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:25, archived)

well now really

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:25, archived)

i think you knew exactly what you were doing
and i support it
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:31, archived)

He sounds like a massive prick, no offence

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)

he is
but he has good reason to be
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:24, archived)

But can you get a pint of 80/-?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)

*tips out two 40s*

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:19, archived)

hey ho, l e t s g o
i'm not going to read that because it's probably a load of old shit
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:26, archived)

reckon this will get deleted?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:31, archived)

possibly
he/she/it seems like a pissy little bitch
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:32, archived)

(1) your mate's a cunt
(2) nobody wants to read a wall of bollocks
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:29, archived)

you're right
everyone should carry on the chat about it being Friday and the weekend coming up.
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:34, archived)

Got any weekend plans?
Or an interesting lunch?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)

Just going with the flow
Buying crickets, maybe go for a walk down the beach
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:40, archived)

Don't like the sound of your lunch.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:41, archived)

k

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:35, archived)

tl;dr

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:37, archived)

no I'm sorry, I'm not reading that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:39, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 6:09, archived)

Imminent weekend morningles.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 6:14, archived)

don't jump the gun
there's plenty of Friday to enjoy first
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 6:18, archived)

I'm cramming all my Friday posting into one sentence
as I'm going to be in training for the rest of the day.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 6:19, archived)

didn't realise you needed a certificate to be bent

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:09, archived)

www.findamasters.com/masters-degrees/?Keywords=queer+studies
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:42, archived)

^ sexual dissident

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:55, archived)

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiNmba67d7ZAhVsBMAKHSSpBdwQjRwIBg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fimgur.com%2Fgallery%2FRKVTRfi&psig=AOvVaw1cySonNCYRx3i8BfHSabvN&ust=1520671215961723
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:50, archived)

I beg to differ meighayte

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:21, archived)

I'm not giving you any spare change

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:35, archived)

:(

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:50, archived)

hi

( mongychops, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:33, archived)

found your phone yet?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:36, archived)

nope, have to go buy a new one today at some point

( mongychops, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:38, archived)

Did you try ringing it? I bet you didn't try ringing it.
Try ringing it.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:44, archived)

First Galaxy S9 Edges shipped today

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:48, archived)

i lose a phone a year, not doing a grand

( mongychops, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:53, archived)

Samsung are doing a deal where they buy back your old phone for a discount on the S9
they offered me 20p for my old tablet.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:17, archived)

i.imgur.com/uA7pigG.jpg
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:33, archived)

Again?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:43, archived)

you should have worked all this out by now

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:48, archived)

hello

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:51, archived)

what, no trite quote?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:55, archived)

no, someone threw the calendar with them on away
it was a 2016 calendar
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:58, archived)

sorry m8
shall we have a whip-round for a 2017 hallmark calendar for you?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:13, archived)

Yes.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:51, archived)

we're gonna do it once and do it right this time

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 7:56, archived)

Tracer 900 GT or Tiger 1050

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:30, archived)

I thought you'd written off Triumphs
jelly.b3ta.com/talk/8105775
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:31, archived)

So did i
The new ones are supposed to be excellent.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:34, archived)

it'd be quite amusing for you to own a manky dutch moped you bought on ebay for a tenner
and a brand new Triumph GT.

"See you later love, I'm off to work. Sun's out so I think I'll take the Batavus for a change".
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:39, archived)

That's the plan.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:40, archived)

brilliantly ridiculous

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)

friday took its fucking time this week

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:44, archived)

That's not really how time works mate

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:48, archived)

it's more about perception of time, which works exactly like this

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)

I perceive that you're a penis face

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:11, archived)

well that's just plain rude

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)

you should finger his butthole
that I'll quicken it
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:49, archived)

maybe if you paid a decent wage, Mr Cruesoe, you'd get better service

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:51, archived)

Life is full of surprises and and serendipity.
Being open to unexpected turns in the road is an important part of success. If you try to plan every step, you may miss those wonderful twists and turns. Just find your next adventure-do it well, enjoy it-and then, not now, think about what comes next.
( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:48, archived)

month/year?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:50, archived)

found a great website full of quotations

( $$ ✅, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 8:55, archived)

there's all sorts of great things on the web like that
not here, obvs
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)

Morning
Nice sunny day
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:07, archived)

suns out now, it was snowing half an hour ago

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 9 Mar 2018, 9:12, archived)

It's like Harry and the Hendersons,
Except less funny.
Nearly home time.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:27, archived)

only one more sleep till Friday

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:42, archived)

cheers

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:44, archived)

cheers

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:44, archived)

chin-chin
not really, turns out i shouldn't drink on these brain pills.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:47, archived)

it's like free advice when you've already paid

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:47, archived)

jesus christ, when will you shut the fuck up?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:34, archived)

when everyone stops interacting with me completely
well done you just bought another 6 months of this
PS added you as a friend
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:37, archived)

is this about two hats' nipples?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:22, archived)

Yes

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:24, archived)

most things are, these days

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:34, archived)

I bet they're sore

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:54, archived)

yeah!
a fuckin' eyesore!
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 17:56, archived)

Unkind

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 18:10, archived)

u wot m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 18:10, archived)

Special offer on gin at the local shop
So I'm happy
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 19:04, archived)

Is this the evening thread then, is it?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 19:17, archived)

So what's the deal with airline peanus?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 22:23, archived)

i cant believe ive lost my phone, ive turned the house over, my van and my car, ffs

( mongychops, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 19:51, archived)

Is it still a moto g5?
Did you sign into google with it?

type 'where's my phone?' into google.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 20:13, archived)

really? its well flat now tho

( mongychops, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 20:14, archived)

the last view of it was near my house yesterday it seems, dunno what time, windows phone from years ago aint keen

( mongychops, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 20:34, archived)

LOOK AT MY TINY NIPPLES
Alright?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 13:56, archived)

Areola Borealis! At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:08, archived)

...yes

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:17, archived)

#SteamedHams

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:17, archived)

steamed hams but it's a b3ta post

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:30, archived)

meta af

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:31, archived)

i'm so meta, even this acronym

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:06, archived)

waiting for a haircut in a proper hipster joint
lumberjack shirts and swing jazz
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:20, archived)

jesus

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:23, archived)

Nice looking hairdresser lady though
and she's sliding around on a wheeled stool as if she's made it her bitch.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:27, archived)

like a sexy blonde dalek

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:27, archived)

sounds like my dad is back in fashion

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:31, archived)

i hope they give you the bentest haircut known to man

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:31, archived)

short back and one side
like a conservative skrillex
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:22, archived)

There's A lot of Hitler youth hair
around at the moment.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:48, archived)

yes

( mongychops, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:27, archived)

thank you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:27, archived)

thank you, i have lost my main phone tho, this windows one is rubbish so I'll be a bit inactive posting, soz

( mongychops, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:44, archived)

I'm not happy TH.
Get a rush job on, so scramble to get it done, then the chap who asked for it as a rush job isn't coming until Tuesday. So I could have done it tomorrow in plenty of time. What a blooming nuisance
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:31, archived)

Ugh, hate that sort of thing
I get asked to rush stuff through on a friday afternoon, in spite of the fact that nothing will happen until at least monday. Pricks, the lot of them.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:35, archived)

That's deffo against your rights.
You should tell your betters to fuck off.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:09, archived)

might just shit the place to pieces

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:16, archived)

might delete this thread

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:20, archived)

might delete all the threads

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:24, archived)

Can you do that?
Can you delete all of them?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:26, archived)

he's too lazy

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:29, archived)

and giant

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:31, archived)

d'you think they had to make extra large mod controls just for his giant hippy hands?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:36, archived)

I don't think
I know they did
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:54, archived)

He is a big stupid wookie isn't he

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:56, archived)

He sure is, pal
He sure is

*gooses*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:59, archived)

yeah, he doesn't even, like, get us, man

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:18, archived)

lol

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:24, archived)

That would be AWESOME!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:30, archived)

any that aren't archived
i could make this page blank, put it that way
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:44, archived)

you wouldn't dare

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:56, archived)

i just couldn't do that to you guys
where would you go? what would you do? you're better off here
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:58, archived)

I'd masturbate

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:59, archived)

that's the fifth time today

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:05, archived)

Yeah, five times will do it, I reckon

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:06, archived)

you can do that here

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:13, archived)

please

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:38, archived)

I'm deleting as I type this
a/c, apparently
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 15:55, archived)

there you go

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 16:05, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:32, archived)

top

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:33, archived)

makes a change from your usual preferences

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:50, archived)

That Windy Pig is a loose cannon.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:34, archived)

nah, he was right to do that

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:37, archived)

he's a martyr m8, he did it for us all

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:50, archived)

can someone recap for the latecomers?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)

spanishfly ruined it

( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:52, archived)

don't be silly, his account was deleted several months ago

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:20, archived)

By Operation Yewtree.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)

I don't think manolith has anything to do with that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:08, archived)

operation poowee, more like!

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:13, archived)

If you got up earlier, or we had another mod, someone might have saved my morning thread.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:19, archived)

that's a big if, my friend

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:23, archived)

 d8b  .d888 
Y8P d88P"  
    888    
888 888888 
888 888    
888 888    
888 888    
888 888   

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:00, archived)

that one looks pretty small on my phone screen
just like with the dickpics
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:20, archived)

phew what about that traffic eh!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:51, archived)

a i
c d
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 8:59, archived)

Night of the Triffids was on the radio, recently.
Nicola Bryant was in it, which kept me happy on my drive to work.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:24, archived)

I googled her
she'm got boombs
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)

I listenenened to that too
and was also pleased by Peri's accent turning up in a bizarrely good audio adaptation of a wanky fanfic.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 14:29, archived)

:(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:00, archived)

hey, come on now
don't be like that
( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:05, archived)

I just wanted to have a nice morning thread.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:33, archived)

Nothing ruins this messageboard quite like people posting messages on it.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:28, archived)

did you drink that old bottle of coke?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:10, archived)

Course

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:33, archived)

woah, deja vu

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:05, archived)

glitch in the matrix

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:14, archived)

actually, I've got a question for you
Do you use any effects plugins at work? I need to make some snazzy titles and shit.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:16, archived)

not really
as far as titles go, we have new blue titler pro, but i rarely have to use it. i've seen a few videos of what it can do though, it's pretty funky
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:18, archived)

cheers
My firm uses Camtasia for its videos, which is pretty wanky, and I'd prefer to stick with Lightworks but it's 400eur for the package with all the Boris effects.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:20, archived)

hadn't heard of camtasia or boris fx. to be honest, we're pretty limited here
i only know avid and avid related products
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:29, archived)

you corporate shill
also, flamboyant clocks
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:36, archived)

this is like code
al murray's oven
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:56, archived)

gorman's microwave

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 9:59, archived)

precisely

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:02, archived)

chowdry's snowman though

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:23, archived)

i wasn't the biggest fan of him before he was on TM
there's a few people that i have a newfound appreciation for, actually
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:37, archived)

I'd never heard of him before
but he comes across as psychotic
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)

he used to do quite boring stand up, but he seems to have gotten better at it over the years
his approach to tasks is definitely the most mental. there's one every series
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:59, archived)

Is he the one with the routine about waiters offering you "dick sauce"?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:02, archived)

i dunno. never heard that before
he always used to start with 'what's happening, white people' and say bastard in an indian accent a lot
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:22, archived)

Sounds about right.
Indian accents are inherently funny to white people, though, so he'd be daft not to capitalise on it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:35, archived)

I remember limmy on his webcam said something about that
he had comedians following him on twitters saying love your work and limmy said these people are nice enough but their work is shit.
( $$ ✅, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:39, archived)

hey, sorry I'm late

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:10, archived)

it's ok, nobody missed you

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:12, archived)

make sure you stay an extra hour tonight to make up for it

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:12, archived)

Monolith dropped the ball and my morning thread was destroyed.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:19, archived)

I found the murder weapon
jelly.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=97190
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:24, archived)

I found the offending thread
turns out it was all just dull beakering, who'dathunkit?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:44, archived)

Is dull beakering
being ginger and saying 'me me me'?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:49, archived)

well....yes, sort of

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:52, archived)

And yet Richard still hasn't been banned.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:50, archived)

b3ta cliques have gone too far

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:51, archived)

I'll gaz manolith

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:51, archived)

that fucking prick
who does he think he is, eh?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:31, archived)

coulda gaz'd me.
no-one ever gazzes me with forum problems. they just moan on here and then say i'm shit

what i'm saying is that the forum problems are everyone's fault but mine
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:38, archived)

on it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:41, archived)

thank you, netizen

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:01, archived)

Buddhist nasal cleanse

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 11:49, archived)

ur shit

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 8 Mar 2018, 10:51, archived)