Last night I had to go and see a mate
at his work. He works on an industrial estate near the middle of Leeds, 2pm til midnight.

It's a bit mazy, so i printed a map off and went to look for him at about 9pm. I got lost as I could not find the right road and was could not stop to work out where I was because the roads were crowded with whores who started to walk towards my car every time i slowed down.

What are your hooker stories, B3tans?

edit: there were two hookers right opposite his work. as we were chatting their pimp jumped out of some bushes an took their money, then hid back in the bush.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:54, archived)

I give blowjobs to sailors for money

( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:56, archived)

You pay them. Don't you?

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:58, archived)

shhhh. Don't tell everybody.

( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:59, archived)

your mum undercharged
me once.

which was nice.
;)
(Sheepattack!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:56, archived)

I used to live in Bradford Bd7
nuff said...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:57, archived)

Leeds rd. Huddersfield has some going cheap.
They interviewed one for the student paper last year.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:07, archived)

A fair number of them probably are students.

( supermoore: HUNG, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:31, archived)

I always used to have my head next to a hookers legs
on a Saturday morning.




*played second row*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:58, archived)

I always feed my balls to hookers*



scrumhalf
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:59, archived)

i always come on hookers' faces





gets money's worth
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:00, archived)

i always kill then sodomise my hookers



serial killer
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:11, archived)

*fwaps*



Tighthead prop
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:02, archived)

*hooks*
*hides*
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:04, archived)

I just scored tries while you fat fucks were bumming each other in the mud
/number 8
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:12, archived)

*Shoes Dr Shambolic mercilessly for being smug*



/fat front row bummer
(Tibbins, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:20, archived)

Back in my yoof
when out skateboarding in this car park one night a whore came up to us and said
"If a car turns up with four black men in it, would you tell them I will be back in 20 minutes" and then walked off
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:58, archived)

And did it? And did you?

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:59, archived)

No, I don't think so
Although she returned, got into a car that had been there the whole time with a few guys in it, and went on her way.

Which was worrying, cause i was fucking sure that car was empty. So they were either as black as the night, midgets or hiding behind the seats.
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:07, archived)

i went to a good school in a dodgy area.
one night after badminton a hooker walked past me as i was waiting for my dad to collect me and said "are you waiting to be picked up? me too".
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:59, archived)

badminton sucking my teacher's cock
( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:03, archived)

maximus decimus meridius dorty bib's teacher
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:05, archived)

Hahaha

(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:12, archived)

A couple of weeks ago whilst visiting my grandad:
My mum went from Birmingham International to Euston, and the went down to the Northbound platform for the Northern line. A bloke that had been on the train all the way from Birmingham went to sit next to her on the platform bench and proceeded to engage her in conversation. It went something a little like this:

Man: Do you come all this way for work?
Mum: No
Man: Are you sure?
Mum: I don't know what you are on about
Man: I think you do. Y'know, work...
Mum: (starting to understand) Oh. Oooooh. No
Man: Really?
Mum: Really.
Man: But would you though?
Mum: Get to fuck
Man: Oh come on.
Mum: No, really, fuck off now.

My mum is nearly 51 and always wears hideous anoraks. She looks less like a hooker than anyone in history.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:05, archived)

Sorry about that
She just looked the type you know.

EDIT: So your mums 50?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:09, archived)

In a word, yes.

( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:17, archived)

Man Mykeboy

/bored
( King Ralph is drunk, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:10, archived)

well if she isn't a whore
she should stop speaking like one, potty mouth.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:11, archived)

this

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:16, archived)

We were sitting in a bar once overlooking a famous red light district
and one of us suggested that all that was missing from the scene was a pimp in an big yellow low-riding BMW
within about two minutes a big yellow low-riding BMW rolled up and out jumped a pimp

(sadly he was a short fat white bloke in a dodgy tracksuit rather than snoop dogg in a purple fedora and fur coat)
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:10, archived)

Ace.
Also reminds me of the time my mum made the terrible social blunder of confusing Temple Balsall (posh-ish area nearish to Coventry) with Balsall Heath (scummy area and notorious red light district in Birmingham). People from posh areas don't like it when you inadvertantly confuse where they live with an illegal nobbing hotspot.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:20, archived)

"...posh-ish area nearish to Coventry..."
Now who can tell me what's wrong with this sentence fragment?
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:24, archived)

It's inconsistent in the use of the hyphen for words ending in "ish"?

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:26, archived)

Yes.
That, and the suggestion that anywhere in gobbing distance of Coventry isn't a scum-littered wasteland.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:29, archived)

I knew some smart arse fucker would say that.
Unless you know Balsall Common/Berkswell/Temple Balsall (I went to school there), you wouldn't understand. It is nothing like Coventry and is a genuinely a nice place. It happens to be in a place such that you can drive to Coventry from there in just a few minutes but otherwise, they couldn't be further removed. No really, 90% of the houses there are bordering on palatial if you exclude those horrible new estates that are appearing all over the shop.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:29, archived)

Well that told me.

( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:30, archived)

There I was last night watching to likely customers chatting
in Leeds when my pimp came out of the bushes and stole my money.

Shame was I fancied a bit of the fat one. Was this you?
(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:41, archived)

Fucking ace, I wonder if you can buy zombies on ebay now...
65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:28, archived)

Why go all the way to Cambodia,
when a bottle of Absinthe & a packet of extra strong Woodbines has the same effect.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

Woodbines and absinthe
are no substitute for real live cambodian "zombie darkies" controlled by evil mosquito genius's aiming for world domination.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:31, archived)

I think you'll find that absinthe is a substitute for ANYTHING

edit: yay! hypo! *scoffs jelly babies and hobnobs*
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:34, archived)

*boards a bottle of absinthe to go on holiday to Spain*
*gets nowhere*

That's your theory fucked.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:38, archived)

*drinks bottle of absinthe*
*sings viva espana and pukes down the top of a fat bird from blackpool*

Prosecution case rest, m'lud.
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:43, archived)

*clicks bottle of absinthe*
*does not get redirected to the desired interweb page*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:43, archived)

*drinks bottle of absinthe*
*masturbates to BBC world service pages thinking he's on www.skinnyskagwhoresstickthingsupem.com*
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:45, archived)

meh

( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:46, archived)

*drinks bottle of absinthe*
* reads that as "I pure fucking love you" *

I pure fucking love you too, man.

*sweaty hug*
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:52, archived)

*drinks absinthe*
*hugs you back*
*cries*
*accuses you of shagging mum*
*punches*
*misses*
*falls*
*gets up*
*falls*
*vomits*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:56, archived)

I hope to god that's real

(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

I can't find any mention of it on any other bbc webpage

(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:34, archived)

Of course it isn't ... it isn't even on the BBC website.

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:34, archived)

not on ebay, no
www.brains4zombies.com
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:31, archived)

blimey
expected that to be a fake link but clicked it anyway. and its real!
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:34, archived)

probably GC though

(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:38, archived)

Why would ebay sell something
from a faked BBC story?

Actually ... stupid question.
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:33, archived)

"US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice opposed the plan
saying that the Cambodian government holds a great biological weapon and should destroy it immediately."

In other words she's really pissed off they don't have it.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:33, archived)

that is stranger than fiction
and has resulted in me becoming 77% erect.

edit: i feel stupid now. it IS fiction.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:34, archived)

OK
Another fake story.
( magnum, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:34, archived)

No it's real
I refuse to believe otherwise, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:35, archived)

You want facts, red the tabloids
this is the interwebhighway mate.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:35, archived)

And a few sucked in
despite the incredibly obviously fake address.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:37, archived)

aah..
but what if you didnt notice the address, like me?
( toxie, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:38, archived)

then either a) mmmmnnnnnnnngggg
or b) get some new glasses speccy
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:43, archived)

I'd rather believe in an impending zombie apocalypse
than read an address.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:43, archived)

*shudder*
Teh BBC would never misplace apostrophes like that.
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:38, archived)

Quite. Also, it's in the 'South Asia' news section
but the Middle East is highlighted on the world map.
A rather amateurish effort, I think.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:49, archived)

you poor tragic empty shell of a human being

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:51, archived)

Last night I ate pizza, drank beer and had sex.
I need no-one's pity, especially not yours.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:54, archived)

*pities you regardless*
/born again christian
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:17, archived)

*cunts your pity in the murray*
/fundamentalist b3tan
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 13:21, archived)

They're advertised on Google
Look on the right: link
( bloobloo, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:39, archived)

i heard about daisy chaining on radio 4
have we already talked about it?

i had to wait til sixth form to fuck one girl, and now these bastards are having orgies at 15.

grrr.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:24, archived)

exactly what i thought
except change sixth form for uni. bastards.
( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:26, archived)

It's true
most 15 year old boys have fucked more women then breast cancer.

You obviously havent been meeting the right women.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:26, archived)

Yep. Ask any 15 year old boy how many women he's had,
end the answer will be "ooh, loads".
When pressed as to how many "loads" is, he'll elaborate "er, you know, loads..."
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:31, archived)

Ask any 15 year old how many women he's had
and the police will lock you up for grooming.

Pervert
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:33, archived)

So talking to uderage teenagers about sex is illegal now?
That the gubbermint's sex-ed plan down the swanny, then.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:36, archived)

It's only illegal
if you masturbate while you are doing it
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:39, archived)

Ah, the old bennywank.
'Best of all the wanks'^TM
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:44, archived)

Buy your way into their friendship groups with bottles of White Lightning
and then have all of the orgies.

Sorry, too helpful. Have you considered doing the unspeakable to a recently deceased dog?
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:27, archived)

Or a startled basset hound?

( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:28, archived)

There was a thread about it yesterday
the general consensus being that it was probably a figment of rabid teen imaginations.
( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:27, archived)

*keeps waiting*

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:27, archived)

I was
going to reply, but cant remember what I was going to say. So all I have to say is "fudge".
( Jobe http://www.flickr.com/joefreeman, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:27, archived)

I'd love some fudge actually

(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:29, archived)

*fudges*

( Jobe http://www.flickr.com/joefreeman, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:33, archived)

that's mostly because they're
a) fibbing
b) chavs
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:28, archived)

fibbing is an excellent word
michael howard should accuse blair of "telling fibs" about WMDs.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

(a)
This.
( Newington HM Time Corps: Quo vadimus non requirimus vias, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

Also; your attitude that you're
"waiting to fuck" might put them off somewhat
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

*runs up before the helpful mood dissipates*
What's the correct way of setting the expiry date of a cookie under Firefox? Huh?

edit: *cries*
( Newington HM Time Corps: Quo vadimus non requirimus vias, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

CIIJASIIE
( the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:19, archived)

Bum a dead dog

( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:19, archived)

Burn your computer
and live in a cave

with no electricity
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:20, archived)

Has to be said
that this is a very good answer
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:23, archived)

Sometimes that is
truly tempting.
( Newington HM Time Corps: Quo vadimus non requirimus vias, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:29, archived)

*wibbles*

( toxie, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:20, archived)

Throw raisins at your computer
and giggle.
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:21, archived)

Are these Maryland or Oreos?
If they're Oreos, you can fuck right off, you American daisy chaining nonce.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:22, archived)

Use chewing gum instead of hair gel
then wear a hat made out of ice, wait 20 minutes, and hit it with a hammer
(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:24, archived)

This
is great
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

can i just say
that all of these answers have made me giggle like a little girl and caused everyone in my office to comment about my sanity. so thank you all
( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:32, archived)

As I'm crap with PS layers...
How do I put a picture on layer 1 at the bottom, and then gradient fill layer 2 as blue to white, then merge them so that layer 1 has a gradient blue to white tint on it so it looks as though layer 1 goes from blue to white with the image on it still clear?
(Vamos!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:13, archived)

here's what you do;
put a picture on layer 1 at the bottom, and then gradient fill layer 2 as blue to white, then merge them so that layer 1 has a gradient blue to white tint on it so it looks as though layer 1 goes from blue to white with the image on it still clear
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:14, archived)

Rubbish! This is what you do:
put a picture on layer 1 at the bottom, and cover it with jam, and then gradient fill layer 2 as blue to white while spunking in it's eye, then merge them so that layer 1 has a gradient blue to white tint on it, wanking into a hat, so it looks as though layer 1 goes from blue to white with the image on it still clear, bork, bork, bork.
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:17, archived)

www.google.com/intl/xx-bork/
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

It doesn't have a bork translator, though
even be it one-way
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:21, archived)

I have a built-in borkifier in Firefox
but I didn't use it to write that.
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:22, archived)

really?
where from?
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:24, archived)

Ahhh........
tinyurl.com/9j6a4
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:25, archived)

When I merge
They just merge together and you can't see layer 1 through layer 2.
(Vamos!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:19, archived)

try messing with the different settings on the drop-down menu
which is located by the "Layers" list (ie. Screen, Colour, Colour burn/dodge etc)
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:23, archived)

Image on layer one
fill on layer two
change the opacity of layer two till you get the effect you want

merge

Wear a purple hat, strip naked, open the CD drive, put your willy in it, and close it



better?
(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

Stop that!
Helpfulness will not be tolerated on this board.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

If you hang on a bit
the random help request bitches will be logged on and they will give you some advice.

They've just got to finish fucking a dead dog and they'll be here.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

Why do I get the feeling
I've read this before...
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:17, archived)

Because
sucking off sailors induces deja vu
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:22, archived)

It wasn't dead
when I started.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

I can only
suggest something to do with jam im afraid.
( Jobe http://www.flickr.com/joefreeman, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:16, archived)

ooh, triple mindpiss!

( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:19, archived)

CIIJASIIE
(there were too many helpful responses)
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:16, archived)

i'm not sure,
but i think it involves jam and spunk

edit: See, i was right: www.b3ta.com/talk/482570
( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:17, archived)

And I was first.
*eats croissant and reads Financial Times*
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:23, archived)

The utter bastard
She's supposed to be mine
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:02, archived)

beard

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:05, archived)

yes?

( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

get a shave you fucking workshy hippy

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:14, archived)

haha
that is actually me in a nutshell
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

I fucking hate hippies

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:17, archived)

Well stop fucking them, then.
Oh, that doesn't work, does it...
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:21, archived)

Jealousy is an ugly thing.

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:23, archived)

you fucking hate everyone
except your fellow tories

also, 'noon sir. how are you?
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:24, archived)

You might be in luck yet
someone told me the other day she was into swinging....
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:05, archived)

Is that why she's dating a millionaire homosexual?

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

Didn't you hear?
The gays, fags, poofs and queers of the world got together and voted that Tom Cruise was not allowed to be gay, and the consensus was that noone would fuck him, not even if he offered them a chance at getting bad AIDS.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

He does seem to spend a lot of time down under...

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:10, archived)

He bums
koalas

the dirty cunt
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

Why did they do that ?
they are all cockhungry bumwhores with no morals or standards.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:10, archived)

Don't confuse extremely low standards
with no standards at all.

This is also why Mykeyboy must turn to an internet messageboard for his bummings.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

But teh gayorz love bad AIDS!
It's like a membership requirement for their elite club.
You can spot them a mile off, they're all pale and ill-looking and they wear those little red ribbons that mean 'I've got bad AIDS'.
That's what they mean, right?
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

Hourah!
*books ticket to Rome*
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:07, archived)

That 'someone'
didn't happen to be yourself in the mirror? ;)
Either way, hope springs eternal (or some utter pish...)
(Tibbins, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:10, archived)

Nope
I can think of no woman id rather have than the current Mrs Mykeyboy:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
You big old softie you.

*bums*
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:13, archived)

Lady palm
and her five lovely daughters
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:14, archived)

Awww
That's romance that is.

Soppy old git :D
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:14, archived)

Dont force me to rape your cold dead mouth

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:21, archived)

That wouldn't be the same Mrs Mykeyboy who has had frequent employment on the end of your arm?
*attacks Mrs Wutherington-Assarts visciously with a set of wanking spanners*

Is that 'have' in the biblical sense, or 'have' in your cellar?
(Tibbins, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

You will meet her at the bash
maybe
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

I await with boozy breath
and a chloroformed cloth...
(Tibbins, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:23, archived)

Urrghh ... gay!

( Dr. Shambolic loverable rouge, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:16, archived)

Can you stop sending me
those fucking text messages then?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:22, archived)

I despise his expression
it looks as though he's saying "You? You fucking retard! You couldn't count to two if you had it spelt out for you!"

or something similar
(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:05, archived)

Quit copying me
you jew
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:07, archived)

(Sticky Label, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:09, archived)

Quit copying me
you jew
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:09, archived)

*heats ovens*
/mykeyboy
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:13, archived)

Forget her.
She's permanently tainted by that little cunt now :(
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

*mourns*
*hatches plot to 'disappear' dwarf-esque Cruise*
(Tibbins, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

I've had her
she was shit
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:07, archived)

Look at his twisted, mocking face.
He's laughing at you, you know.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:09, archived)

It's time I faced up to it,
who isn't?
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

hahahahaa
*points*

err... i mean, im not
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:14, archived)

Stephen Hawking.
Oh, tell a lie, yes he is. My mistake.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:17, archived)

Happy b3ta birthday to me!
/goes back to lurking
(BorderlineSchizo, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:51, archived)

*birthday bums*

( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:53, archived)

Happy B3taday
:D
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:54, archived)

happy b3rthday!
and now...

lurker!
*bundles*

/edit: also almost-'noon everybody
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:55, archived)

Almost noon ?
that'about the time when hangovers are supposed to fuck off isnt it ?
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:56, archived)

Noon?!
I'm usually still a bit tipsy till then, and the hangover start kicking in at lunchtime
(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:01, archived)

supposed to
but it depends when you finished drinking and what time you woke up. so not necessarily
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:01, archived)

happy birthday
i was 28 on monday.

twenty fucking eight.

and yet i still stare at 18 year olds like i have a chance.

*fwaps*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:57, archived)

nonono
It's not my birthday,
It's my b3ta birthday!
I am 19 - do I have a chance?
(BorderlineSchizo, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:58, archived)

You should have a chance
you ought to be richer and better in bed than 18 year olds.

But as it is you are just a sad man who is rude to me so I have made a voodoo doll of you.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:59, archived)

richer = yes
better in bed = debatable.

didn't mean to be rude, mr gorrier. please accept my tinguished apologies.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:05, archived)

I cant even spell ferghivnes
*tosses voodoo doll to the wolves*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

*is raised by wolves*
*becomes voodoo version of mowgli*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:13, archived)

I've have gone for Romulus
better to have an empire named after you than get bummed by a gay bear in the jungle.

But meh, your life.....
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:17, archived)

happy actual birthday
for monday
my housemate is 29 with a 20 year old girlfriend so you arent stretching it much further. just drag them off to your old-man lair
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:59, archived)

i fear my wife may protest.
actually, thinking about it, she'd probably be over the fucking moon that i wasn't pestering her.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:02, archived)

oh
that complicates somewhat
well, ill 'take care' of the wife while you enjoy yourself
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:04, archived)

in reality that would mean
1) you would get to fuck my wife

2) I would fail miserably to fuck 18 year olds.

doesn't sound like a great deal, does it?
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

i dunno
sounds fine to me
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:11, archived)

Hmmmm
When I was 17 I was going out with a 25 year old.
When I was 23 I was going out with a 38 year old.

I'd say you were still in with a chance. Unless you are a slimy sleazy repellent human being ;)
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:02, archived)

bah
foiled.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:03, archived)

38? Blimeh
Did he have a balding scrotum?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:05, archived)

*spang*
38's not old really.

60. That's old. (My best mate did a 60 year old once. Urgh.)
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

Christ
I hope he/she was blind drunk/unconcious.
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:09, archived)

18 year olds
are easily dazzled and confused by flashing colours thus making them easy prey.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:04, archived)

Happy birthday, you sad fudgecunter.

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:58, archived)

It is my birthday on Wed
I sure as fuck won't be at work and on here, but I expect you all the think of me none the less.
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:58, archived)

How old will you be?
What job will you be avoiding?
Where do you live?
What colour are your underpants?
etc,
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:01, archived)

A massive 23
My current one
Under your bed with your dead cat
Black and lacey
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:03, archived)

Happy b3taday :)
I'll be four this summer....christ
(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:59, archived)

Happy b3taday!
www.b3ta.com/board/4154334
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:59, archived)

eh?
ya what?
(BorderlineSchizo, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:01, archived)

Yes.

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:03, archived)

what they all said ^ ^
i've missed both of mine so far. although Jadeviper did point out my 2nd with about 2 hours left. but noone else said happy b3taday to me :(
( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:02, archived)

happy b3rthday
for whenever the hell that was!
/nice
( snowpaul fight - DUCK! *splat*, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

aah, thanks
/glad that my blatant cries for attention worked
( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

Right, fuck this, who wants to cyber?
I'll start.
I eye you up and down and bleat seductively. I begin to walk slowly toward you, my big goat balls swinging like a pendulum. The soft clippity-clopping of my hooves arouses your furather...
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:38, archived)

i shoot and eat you.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:39, archived)

I kill you, blood the corpse
stick the body in a mincer and make you into a hamburger.

I cook the hamburger for Jade Goody, giving her the fackin moist.

I then shag her.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:39, archived)

how does a man so dead inside
have such a beautiful little girl?

*suspects underhand transaction in eastern europe for child*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:42, archived)

Dead inside ?
That genuinely hurts me.

*twats you in the foxes glacier*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:43, archived)

sorry.
here, have some hap.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:45, archived)

Thanks
You must be very gruntled to have so much hap and gorm.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:46, archived)

let's not start this again
why not make some paraging remarks about me instead..?
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

Jade Goody
is definately not a beautiful little girl.

*erects*
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:46, archived)

I kill her, blood the corpse
stick the body in a mincer and make her into a hamburger.

I cook the hamburger for your mum, giving her the fackin horn (because she's got a cock, you see.)

I then shag her.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:42, archived)

My mum is actually a stegosaurus
her tail spikes impale you and you die.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:43, archived)

I am resurrected
thanks to the prayers of the internet cult I started.

I hunt you down and decapitate you, remove your skull from the rest of your head and fuck you in your eyesockets.

I then donate the rest of your body to a hardcore necrophiliac gayer.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:48, archived)

cult i started nt i bummed
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:51, archived)

I give you a sound slap and sent you on your way
Sick perverted goat boy
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:40, archived)

A slap on my robust behind?

(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:42, archived)

if you like
but that is all you're getting
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

What about me miss?!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:49, archived)

you are getting nothing

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:50, archived)

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:53, archived)

well unless you can get to scotland

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:56, archived)

Roll up Roll up
for the magical misery tour,
step right this way ------------->
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:33, archived)

*steps left*
I've got enough misery of my own, thanks.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:34, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/482352
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/2682580
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:38, archived)

How random.

( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:42, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/2844641
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:46, archived)

The nightvision is strong with this one.

( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:49, archived)

Hahahaha
hahahahaha.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:50, archived)

"Hi Cockalorum"
Is a phrase from The Water Babies.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:49, archived)

*steps*
*falls into vortex*
( King Ralph is drunk, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:34, archived)

*steps*
*bumps into co-worker*
*falls over chair*
Nice one, what you playing at? where's the mystery?

Edit: ah misery...
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:34, archived)

*rolls up*
*smokes huge joint*

Magical and mystical !

Superb tour, I shall reccomend it to everyone I meet

*Eats people*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:35, archived)

hmm
that wasn't supposed to happen.
perhaps your drug intake has impaired your vision....
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:36, archived)

*injects heroin into eyeballs*
indeed
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:38, archived)

*inserts cock into your eyeballs*

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:39, archived)

*Wrings it's neck*
*Sells it to McDonalds for nuggets*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:41, archived)

Grrr I want to kill lots of people at work.
What should be my weapon of choice ? I was thinking heat seaking exploding giant hamster grenades...
(Experiment 626, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:27, archived)

Holy Hand Grenade!
/Worms
( King Ralph is drunk, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:29, archived)

HALLELUJAH!

( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:33, archived)

*BOOOOOOOOOOMM*

( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:35, archived)

Cauldrons
of molten ear wax, laced with strychnine get my vote
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:30, archived)

Throw gravel
till they die
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:31, archived)

silly question
spunk of course
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:33, archived)

Would that be
hardcore gayers spunk with bad aids in it ?
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:33, archived)

Choke them
with your cock.
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:33, archived)

Chainsaw.
The end.
( The Teviot Moose 's cock expands to fill the space available, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:33, archived)

DID YOU KNOW !
that poofs touch each others bottoms.

Even the bits with poo on them !

It's a disgrace.

*stiffens*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:16, archived)

stiffens?
got the fackin orn?

edit: *overuses woat's catch phrase*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:18, archived)

*badgers you in the kitten*

( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:23, archived)

*touches your shit-encrusted buttocks*

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:19, archived)

The bits with poo on them?
Like the backs of the legs?

*grooms*
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:20, archived)

yes that bit
and the nose.

And the fingernails
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:21, archived)

Chirst alive!
Do the authorities know of this?

*Goes dogging*
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:23, archived)

*barks*
*pisses up your leg*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:23, archived)

*Neuters*

(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:30, archived)

i'm going to buy razorlight today
unless b3tans persuade me otherwise.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:15, archived)

Everytime a b3tan buys razorlight
the baby jesus kills a stoat.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:17, archived)

that gives me
the fackin' 'orn.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:17, archived)

It gives the stoats
the fackin rigor mortis.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:20, archived)

you are one funny man.
but you will, one day, get me sacked.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:22, archived)

*plants stolen company property in your bag to hasten the process*

( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:30, archived)

That makes me hard.

*buys razors*
( The Teviot Moose 's cock expands to fill the space available, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:19, archived)

Buy
it because it is very good*

*Poster accepts no responsibilty for peoples differences of opinion
( Jobe http://www.flickr.com/joefreeman, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:19, archived)

cheers
i will. i love the last single. very boomtown rats.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:21, archived)

I got it
near to when it came out, but now they have re-released it with that last song on. Cheeky bastards.
( Jobe http://www.flickr.com/joefreeman, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:24, archived)

Did You Know...there's a faction of hardcore gayers who deliberately try to catch bad AIDS?
According to my calculations, if Prince Wrongity McWrong of Wrongland went to the toilet and shat out the word WRONG in bright pink 72-point Comic Sans, it would still obly be 30% as wrong as that.

You've been reading Thought For The Day with Mr. Tea...
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:58, archived)

Obly?

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:59, archived)

Yes.
It's short for 'obviously'.
Obly.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:01, archived)

hehehe
It is pretty wrong
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:02, archived)

I absolutely love that
And shall now use it regularly
(Naughty Tortoise, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:10, archived)

me too.
which could be troublesome, as I write reports for a living.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:13, archived)

These "Hardcore gayers"
arent really going to be a long term problem are they ?

And if, like me, you reserve your "apple fritter" for outbound traffic only, you are unlikely to be worried by said poofters.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:02, archived)

You mean "harcore gayers"

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:05, archived)

Oh no, someone made a typographic error on the Internet!
FFS...
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:10, archived)

*Injects sedatives*
Shhhh, sleep now
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:03, archived)

Shhh !
can you hear the sound of one hand fwapping ?
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:55, archived)

*stops*
sorry
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:57, archived)

*hammertimes*

( Fergburger, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:05, archived)

*doesn't touch 'this'*

( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:17, archived)

*touches it for you*

( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:18, archived)

You know what that gives me...

( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:20, archived)

Spunky fingerprints on your cock.
Or fanny since I dont know which you have.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:22, archived)

Yes
*transcends*
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:58, archived)

avoid novocaine
trancend dental medication

*runs for cover*
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:59, archived)

*calls in napalm strike*
I wouldn't hang around in that cover for too long.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:02, archived)

No.
I have to use two.
At least.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:00, archived)

You are Jeremy Beadle AICMFP

( bloobloo, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:01, archived)

More like Ron Jeremy.
Oh dear God - Ron Jeremy Beadle - I'm entering a whole world of wrong with that...
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:13, archived)

Erm
Isn't that the normal sound of fwapping anyway?
( bloobloo, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:00, archived)

I usually
include genitals and/or assorted erogenous zones too..
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:01, archived)

Your
knees?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:04, archived)

Knees
give me the fackin 'orn
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:08, archived)

Aye
And toes
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:10, archived)

Indeed
Knees give me teh fackin toes as well !
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:13, archived)

i must read "facking orn" twenty times a day
and i laugh every single time.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:11, archived)

*Beats you to death with the the 'orn*
: )

EDIT : God bless Saint Peter Cook and Pope Dudlimoorus the first.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:13, archived)

*laughs*
*dies*
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:14, archived)

me
too
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:14, archived)

Gah
I just got one of those crappy email forwards through my uni address(this one was about Progesterex, a one dose tablet that sterilises women).

It delights me to know that this muppet has now had her email account disabled, for abusing the global address list.

My question is, should we develop this drug and administer it to all chavs / neds / scheemies
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:38, archived)

It needs
to be inserted into the mixture for the McFlurry.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:39, archived)

Pffft.........

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:40, archived)

And administered anally

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:41, archived)

mmmmm
chilly
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:42, archived)

arrghh!
Chilli.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

Good idea!

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:51, archived)

Apparently a technique favoured
by them lot, you know... the gays.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:53, archived)

Pffft!

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:54, archived)

mmm... eugenilicious

( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:43, archived)

Now
that's a nice nazi-esque question to start the day with.
/cries
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:40, archived)

Aye
After the chavs, neds and schemies we could move onto the disabled, gingers, fatties, uglies, coloureds, religious fanatics, pro-lifers, gays.. :D
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:50, archived)

genius
I'm glad you join me in my quest to rid the world of these inconveniencers

don't forget the excessively skinny and vegetarians :P
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:53, archived)

the fat as well
I would say stick all the fat people on an island, but it'd sink and that would be a terrible waste of an island.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:57, archived)

I included fatties
Anyone over a size 10 would clearly be no used after the revolution.

Should I include the rich too? Oh, and the poor?
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:59, archived)

everyone
'cept the b3tans

... and the b3t shall inherit the earth...
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:00, archived)

No, it's
"& teh 1337 5h4lL 1nH3|217 t3h 34rTh!!!1!one"
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:03, archived)

i was thinking
about doing it this way but my head threatened to asplode. so didn't bother.

have a biscuit for effort.
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:05, archived)

Size ten what ?

( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:01, archived)

I think the "Chav" thing
is poorly defined.

Some see it as meaning "working class" or "thick twat with no taste".

I see it as referring to nasty, anti social cunts who scrounge off the dole and/or commit crime constantly. They are hopelessly inept parents and only spawn clones of themselves. These people can be rich/poor workingclass/middle class badly dressed/well dressed.

I cant back culling of the working classes or razing of council estates cause that is where I come from guvnor.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:54, archived)

its more the wee twunts
who vomit on my doorstep and shag in my stairs.

and pee on my car.

and feel the need to carry baseball bats
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:57, archived)

As I said
anti social, commit crime regularly = need death and steralisation
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:59, archived)

Ah,
but it's not genetic, so shirley we'd be better just taking the kids off 'em and giving them to middle class adopters, so they don't have to get wee Chinese babbies.

Sheesh.
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:57, archived)

This is a good point
but take kids off the chavs and they only have more kids by different fathers.

I prefer steralisation by shovel for them.

And lets not forget that it is also the lazy, apathetic middle classes who also raise hooligans via the miracle of non-parenting.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:59, archived)

"but take kids off the chavs and they only have more kids by different fathers"

That's a nicely rounded, well balanced argument. Standing for UKIP in Tunbridge Wells are you?
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:02, archived)

I'm standing for the
"Twat them in the face with hammers" party.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:05, archived)

See,
now that I can understand. A couple of dents in the forehead never did me no harm...

/belms
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:11, archived)

"fathers" could easily be replaced by "mothers" in that statement.
Let's not mince our words here, these people sure know how to breed.
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:07, archived)

hence
the suggestion to lace buckfast, md 20/20 and lambrini with developed drug.
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:09, archived)

Lambrini delivery
for icklepeach!!!
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:13, archived)

It's more that
they are too fucking stupid/drunk to know when to stop the breeding.

The dolescum also have the advantage over people who work in that there is no increased financial hardship for them in having an extra baby, they just get more benefits and a bigger house everytime another little "Charmelia" or "Shane" pops out.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:11, archived)

Ooh yes,
I'd forgotten about that lot. So many options, so little time ;)
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:56, archived)

I'd just put it in the water supply,
there's enough blody kids on this planet we don't need anymore.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:41, archived)

well
it would save Mr V having his bollocks tampered with after we have our next and final baby...
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:43, archived)

you're supposed to tamper with them
during the baby-making process.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:44, archived)

not with scalpels

( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:45, archived)

have you never played doctors
and surgeons?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

I refuse to answer that question

( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

Pre-emptive
self-destructive genocide.

Sounds like a prog album from the late 70's...

*plays flute solo*
*for 4 hours*
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:43, archived)

genocide through the medium
of bloated prog-rock self indulgence.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:45, archived)

Hurrah!
Death by Hawkwind.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

Prog rock is great for ironing to
As I know I can do two shirts during a drum solo, three during space-rock guitar noodling and the rest of the basket during the reprise on authentic medieval instruments and barrel organ.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

Overblown and pretentious
rock operas can serve a similar purpose.
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:49, archived)

pffft
I think you are on to something there.

edit: In a similar way you could probably create a fast paced and liver meltingly good drinking game using the same principle and that Ramones song.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:52, archived)

NOOOOOOOOOOOO
got it.

We need to put it in the following products

Buckfast
MD 20/20 (all flavours)

any other suggestions?.....
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:51, archived)

Lambert and Butler filters
WKD
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:53, archived)

nah
WKD is good for hangovers

LAMBRINI!
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:55, archived)

Heehee
You're a chav at heart.
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:05, archived)

well
I managed the teenage mother bit,

but seem to lack some of the other qualifications.
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:10, archived)

Remind us
what (Menthol) fags you smoke.. ;)

Chav.
( Dekazer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:12, archived)

aye
you still wanting a lift in my chavmobile the night, likes?

You eyein up my baby's daddy likes? Yuh can huv him for the night but ah needs him to claim mah dole the morrow

/chavness, goes for a nice cup of tea
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:18, archived)

What are scheemies?

( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:42, archived)

Them as live on the schemes.

( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:43, archived)

scheemie
is a scottish word for a particular kind of chav from a council housing scheme (estate)
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:44, archived)

Edinburgh chavs
like Scallies in Manc/Liverpool or Neds in Glasgow
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:45, archived)

Charvas or Trevors
in Newcastle
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

Charvas/chavs
is from Kent.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:49, archived)

I heard Charvas/chavs
in Newcastle in the early nineties, long before I'd heard it in the South-East. It was still the cusp of 'casuals' changing to 'townies' back then.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:51, archived)

It was Trevors (and Sharons)
in the 80's, but we were using charva when I was at school, in the late 80's.
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:53, archived)

By the same token, a mate of mine that lived in Ramsgate
and later Sandwich told me the words way before the mainstream media bashing. Plus I heard that the name developed in Chatham, hence chav.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:55, archived)

Load of shite
www.snopes.com/toxins/progest.htm
(Lu, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:47, archived)

I'd realised that
But should we develop this drug for tha above purpose?

I'm liking the current general approval.
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:49, archived)

That's perhaps why the first question is
"should we develop it?"
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:50, archived)

I am slow.
Very very slow. I shall go outdoors and embrace some fresh air.
(Lu, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:50, archived)

nope
*hands mr monotony a quadruple espresso*
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:51, archived)

asky asky
anyone got a copy of MIMS or the BNF that they could stick in the post to me? ta
( new_matt, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:31, archived)

WTF?
EDIT: ah... the British National Formulary. Bit esoteric, that.
(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:33, archived)

this

( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:34, archived)

I think it is code for
"Any one up for dogging? M27, junction 5. Blue Sedan. After 9:00"
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:34, archived)

*pulls self off*

( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:35, archived)

I used to think sedan
was a car manfacturer.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:36, archived)

British National Formulary
Monthly Index of Medical Supplies
( new_matt, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:34, archived)

:
www.bnf.org/bnf/bnf/current/openat/index.htm
(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:36, archived)

you need a password

( new_matt, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:55, archived)

I don't think I've got enough envelopes to post you the British National Front.

( King Ralph is drunk, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:33, archived)

Mince them first
and post them in binliners.
(Lu, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:34, archived)

I have two you can use,
but I'l have to use one of them to post the other.

So essentially, I have one.
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:34, archived)

I'll send you a mimsy
if that'll do?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:35, archived)

I used to have
a cat called Mimsy when I was ickle.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:35, archived)

<obvious pussy reference>

( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:37, archived)

my granny
(who is the kind of mad old woman dekazer aspires to be) had a cat she called Clitty. no-one else called it that...
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:38, archived)

If I had a
child cat, I think I'd call it Anal Consequences.
( Geordie Al, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:45, archived)

Probably NSFW
Although fairly blurry so maybe a BitSFW

www.cofanifunebri.it/product.htm
(Lu, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:13, archived)

What is it?

( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:15, archived)

coffins
and semiclad women.

How odd.
( icklepeach needs a sig, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:17, archived)

is that was it is?
I couldn't work it out
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:17, archived)

coffins
with scantily clad young ladies in the background
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:17, archived)

If I were an attractive young lady
I would rather be in hardcore porn than pose with coffins.

*shudders*
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:22, archived)

Some of them are quite pretty
(the coffins)
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:23, archived)

if I were an attractive young lady
I would probably do things like that if the money was good
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:23, archived)

Calender:
www.cofanifunebri.it/2004-calendar.htm
Nice pressie for sick relatives who won't make it to the new year.
(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:16, archived)

Why bother buying them a pressie ?
you're probably already in the will.

Mind you if you know they are dying you could buy them something you really wanted and then get them to leave it to you when they die.
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:21, archived)

Like
the Rambo Box Set?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:22, archived)

Rambo bot sex?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:26, archived)

that's how I misread that

( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:28, archived)

Need your help....
Whats your two fave words ?

There is a reason for this... Honest
( Weirdlittlebiscuit .com, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:04, archived)

'More' and 'pay.'

(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:05, archived)

Piglet
and peristalsis.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:05, archived)

Cock and off
/predictable
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:05, archived)

off up
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:09, archived)

Only
if I'm very very lucky...
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:09, archived)

I can lend you
my lucky blue coat, if you like.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:10, archived)

You
will certainly not be fucking my granny young man
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:11, archived)

Of course not
Not if I've lent it.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:13, archived)

Cool
Say, I couldn't borrow it this weekend could I?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:18, archived)

Cor!
Yes please!
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:11, archived)

*lends*
*gives direction to nursing home*
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:12, archived)

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
do it have to be used in the desecration of grannies?
I want a nice young lady (or man)
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:13, archived)

*offers self*

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:15, archived)

*abuses*
untill you break
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:18, archived)

Dye your hair grey
and rub some wintergreen into your joints, and wait for Miss Behave to turn up in my lucky blue coat.
( Flapjack the halls with boughs of holly Fala-lala-laa Lala La Laa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:15, archived)

This sounds like a plan
buit it maight take a while for her to go through all the nursing homes on her way up here and I can't wait that long
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:18, archived)

Then your only option is to diddle yourself comatose.

( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:19, archived)

I don't think that would work

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:21, archived)

Plan B then:
How close do your neighbours live?
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:22, archived)

It is a good plan
but I don't think they would be interested
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:24, archived)

I can't see/hear the word cor!
without thinking of Dangermouse. This never fails to make me smile. Ta.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:13, archived)

ello sweetie
you're the second off my MSN list to be coaxed back over here :P

I still think Wonderland and Narnia, or Simon and Adrian... or Simon and Narnia.
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

Scrotal-beard

(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

Fuck off
really they are 'cunt' and 'cock'
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

Google it
are my most-used but not necessarily most favourite.
(Lu, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

www.justfuckinggoogleit.com/
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:09, archived)

I use that often too

(Lu, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:10, archived)

The great thing is
that justfuckinggoogleit.com only counts as one word!

/bending the rules
( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:12, archived)

Gambit and hyperbole

( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

Spiflicate and discombobulate

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:07, archived)

Fackin
and 'orn

And cunt.

And moist and gusset and flaps.

And spunkbubblymintychoc
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:07, archived)

calm down dear
/Winner
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:09, archived)

Bastard
you've just reminded me of that utter arsecake dressed as a woman.

I am now limper than Graham Nortons wrist : (
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:10, archived)

glad to be of service
nice to know I can do it both ways...
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:11, archived)

"do it both ways"
that gives me teh fackin 'orn.

*resumes normal service*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:13, archived)

Murder death kill
technically three but hey...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:10, archived)

Gah!
Old computer game nostalgia trip. Bastard.
( Nimble Colin pigs and goats alike care nothing for the opera, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:11, archived)

Hooooot - Nahhhhhh

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:10, archived)

'Sporadic'
and erm... 'scintillate'.

There are others, but it's too early int' morn.
(Mr. Pgd, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:12, archived)

Glacier and retrograde.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love Eifel 65 - "I'm Blue" for Christmas number 1, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:16, archived)

Cobblers.
Ribald.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:19, archived)

Mo' 'ng to one and all
I have a hangover this morning, the greif which has been slightly offset by a young lady on the train this morning squatting down by the doors (There were no free seats) and exposing her white knickered gusset for about an hour.

I have therefore ejaculated all of the toxins out of my system and my hangover is almost gone....
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:03, archived)

*sucks the rest of the toxins out through your nose*

( lbft, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:05, archived)

I misread that as
toxies
( Jadeviper has just posted for the first time since 2008, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

Whities are the best.
Like a little signal flashing. Can even be seen in poor lighting conditions.
(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)

Lighting was very good on the train
unfortunately I was too far away to detect any "spiders legs" poking out.

*gets the fackin orn again*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:08, archived)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"spider legs"
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:09, archived)

& beetle bonnets.
& cameltoes.
(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:11, archived)

Mons pubis
fannies fannies fannies fannies fannies

*faints*
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:12, archived)

I have a health and safety meeting
Does this mean I will be taught how to lift a box properly and told not to stick my scrotum in boiling water?
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 9:58, archived)

No
"Health and Safety" is text speak for fisting senior management
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:00, archived)

Ah, happy days.
*Does forearm exersises*
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:02, archived)

Take your watch off too
that could give someone a nasty scratch
( Goatworrier - Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap !, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:04, archived)

I got taught
how to put out a fire on my H&S course. With a blanket.
(Small Beer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:01, archived)

In the H&S book I was handed when i started here
There is a paragraph telling you not to try and unblock staplers near your eyes. Handy hint...
( Weirdlittlebiscuit .com, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:06, archived)