» Lies Your Parents Told You

lies....all lies....
being ginger, My parents told me that i had black hair when i was born
Until one day when they left me outside in the rain.................
........and i went rusty..
(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 19:51, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

worst?
never really had a bad session.

I've had my father walk in on me one xmas eve, as i was slipping a lentgth to a rather amazonian blonde i'd just met in a pub.

My mate walk in on me as i was shaving a new birds private parts (it needed it, worse than jermaine jacksons afro).

When i was in the states went skinny dipping at 3amwith this bird and had her against the dock wall, banging away until her ex turned up (she'd dumped him that day), i managed to get my shorts back on and just wandered off and left them to talk.


the funniest however was when i pulled this woman, and was banging away and her husband phoned her.......
she pulled me out, got on her knees and put me back into her so i could bang her doggy while she argued with her hubby
thats about it really
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 13:34, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

religious gaff

when asked what i was doing on my day off on easter friday, i casually mentioned that i would be rising early to go to church. when my colleagues (staunch irish roman catholics) asked if i was religious i said "no i'm going to throw stone's at the catholics" didn't go down to well.

And once i was pissed in my mates car and we were discussing ex-girlfriends i piped up from the back "cob's last girlfriend was so big, when she walked backwards her arse went beep-beep-beep" i had completely forgotten she was sat in the passenger seat.........
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 8:36, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

pulled this bird once

(i know, me pull a woman its strange)

was banging away for about an hour, my old chap was suffering because

a)i'd consumed far to much brown ale and JD

and

b)she was as wet and slippy as a lube factory

My old fella was stiff as anything, but wasnt gonna shoot his muck anytime soon, so i started to slow down. She took this as a sign to climb on top. Who was i to complain?

what she actually did was squat over my old chap and opened wide, and tried to piss over me.

i think it's safe for you to guess that she ended up going home rather shapishly after i told her FUCK NO!
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 13:44, More)

» Best Comebacks

whilst at a mini b3ta bash last night

getting bored to death by some idiot in the toilets....

upon exiting the toilet, Supermoore turns around and says..

"this cunt walks into a toilet..........."

i swiftly followed supermoores vapour trail
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 8:32, More)