» Losing Your Virginity

Decided to do it in the local park after lock-up
In the early stages of friskiness and moderate state of undress I looked over her shoulder to find a dog sniffing her arse.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 9:00, More)

» Stupid Tourists

I got stuck behind an English woman in a patisserie in the north of France
with her three kids trying loudly and slowly to describe a chocolate eclair to the assistant cos she didn't know the French name for them.

I appologised when she left.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 11:15, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

not a lie
because when I failed my A-levels in Physics and Maths (second time round) Suffolk College sent me a GNVQ certificate for a Media course I'd never heard of.

I'll retire it when I've finished my PhD in Physics.
(Thu 6th Jul 2006, 20:10, More)

» My Worst Vomit

waking
to find seaguls feasting on the remnants of a regurgetated onion-bhaji I'd spent the last of my shrapnel on sticks in my mind a bit.
(Thu 19th Aug 2004, 21:30, More)

» Top Tips

if you have to assassinate a former Russian Spy:
remember to carefully leave a trail of radioactive toxins across England, as if you kept the stuff in a leaky fucking carrier bag, just so the good ol' gullible british Bobby can follow it and feel useful.

If you like, make a trail the whole way to the fucking Kremlin then sit back and watch hilarious incompetence ensue.
(Sun 3rd Dec 2006, 10:55, More)