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Profile for FieldingMellish:
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» Good Advice

Schools
First day of working in a school I was given the following pearl of wisdom...

"Son, you've got a job for life. There's only two things you can be sacked for: fraud or shagging the kids.".

To this day I've never known a school employee to be sacked for any other reason.
(Thu 20th May 2010, 17:28, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

How do you get down from an elephant?
You cross-breed it with a swan.
(Thu 10th May 2018, 21:37, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Ho Ho Ho
Q. What do you give a deaf, dumb, blind, paralysed, thalidomide victim for Christmas?

A. Cancer.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 8:58, More)

» Stories of unsurpassed brilliance

A Long Time Ago...
...in a game of twenty questions, far away.

Him: Is it an animal?
Me: Yes.
Him: Does it have four legs?
Me: Yes.
Him: Can it fly?
Me: ...
(Wed 23rd Nov 2016, 6:38, More)

» Parsimony

What year?
In the late 90's worked with a guy who had a reputation for meanness. I never realised quite how mean until one day I found a pile of old, blank diaries the top one of which had a sticky label bearing the hand-written words "possibly 2009"?

Edit: he also counted his tea bags and brought the correct number for each term (this was in a school). Oh and he once gleefully regaled me with how he managed to cheat his wife and daughter out of the currency exchange commission money by buy his currency at a 'commission-free' seller.
(Wed 16th Mar 2016, 20:34, More)
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