» Being told off as an adult

Less bitter, more cute
The bus stop near my house is near a rather sharp turn, making for pratfall hijinx when attempting to walk down from the top floor.

One evening, there was a small boy (around 6 or 7) sitting upstairs, behaving himself, and, when it came time to get off at my stop, he also made to leave.

He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked down.

"Excuse me," I said politely, hanging on to the railings as it hit the curve.

"No!" he said firmly. "We have to wait for it to stop!"

And so we did.
(Fri 21st Sep 2007, 18:06, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Oooh, Doctor!
One day I went down to my local GP for an appointment.

And while I was sitting there, telling him all about my problems, I noticed that on his taskbar, he had gaydar.co.uk in his browser.

Which, okay, it was minimised. He might've been bored in-between appointments. A bit iffy, but acceptable.

Until a pop-up appeared informing us that someone "preferred an arse pic to a face one".
(Tue 14th Feb 2006, 19:40, More)

» Job Interviews

Just because other people got jobs...
Interviewer: So, how are you at Photoshop?
Me (being relaxed and mellow): I'm pretty good -- I even post to B3TA occasionally.
Interview (strange look): Oh.

So now you know, kids.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 22:55, More)

» Black Sheep

No, really, that's fine...
My cousin didn't come to my wedding because she had to queue up for Backstreet Boys tickets.

But they sold out before she got to buy any. Ha ha!
(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 20:54, More)

» Best Films Ever

"For now, Godzilla, that strangely innocent and tragic monster, has gone to earth."
My brother and I were huge Godzilla fans when we were preteens -- I was 12, he was 11, and Dad was happy to rent every single Godzilla movie the local video shop owned.

Mothra, Ghidorah, Mechagodzilla, Rodan, Minya, Smog Monster, anything to do with the man in the rubber suit, we were there.

So, one day, because my mother has noticed our Godzilla obsession, and wants to show that she can be as cool as our dad, she rents us Godzilla 1985.

Unlike most of the Godzilla movies, this harkens back to the original, with the big monster smashing up Tokyo rather than other monsters. The Japanese have to destroy him, and, through a convoluted system, get him to a volcano, where he will remain trapped forever.

For at least five minutes, you get shots of Godzilla slowly falling towards a lava pit, intercut with shots of Japanese scientists crying. Godzilla falls, everyone cries, again and again, in slow motion.

His flailing arms can't stop him from falling. The scientists know that they have destroyed one of the finest creatures. For the good of the nation? For the good of humanity? But at what cost, people? What cost?

My mother walks into the living room to find both of us having complete fucking breakdowns. We can't stop crying, because this is it. Godzilla's dead, and there's no coming back. There are no more Godzilla movies, there is no more Godzilla.

She laughs at us and our pain, and goes back to bed. My brother and I wipe our tears and fitfully sleep, still upset over the loss of our most revered icon.

The next day, we visit a family friend, and what's on the TV? Godzila 1985. What scene is it on? Godzilla's descent.

"What's wrong?" they ask me, as I try to wipe away the tears.
"Nothing, nothing," as I look away from the screen.
(Sat 19th Jul 2008, 8:29, More)