» School Sports Day

Early eighties eductation-reforms-gone-mad sports day they introduced "technology" into an event.
They had a selection of balls and a selection of bats. You chose a ball and a bat and hit it as far as you could. First contestant picks up the golf ball and tennis racket and spangs it clear out of the school sportsfield and a few hundred yards down the street.

The final contestant was left with a hockey stick and a medicine ball.
(Thu 30th Mar 2006, 12:06, More)

» When I met the parents

First meeting with french in-laws I was galantly carrying all the luggage
for me and the missus. This caused me to stumble when going in for the gallic kiss on the cheek and soundly headbutt her mother.
(Thu 19th May 2005, 17:19, More)

» My Worst Date

and for the short of attention span ...
worst opening line of a date ever:
"Sorry I'm late ... I just fucked my ex-boyfriend ... do you mind if we give tonight a miss?"
(Fri 22nd Oct 2004, 12:24, More)

» The Onosecond

I got a call at my desk from a colleague asking if I didn't mind talking to a client
to explain something tedious.
"Oh piss ... do I have to? They're retards. When is the conference call?"
"Ummm ... you're on it."

Oh how they laughed.

/marginally less than relevant but anybody who reads these is a cunt
(Thu 26th May 2005, 12:48, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

I always agree to take photos of tourists and strangers in pubs
but almost invariably aim to cut off their heads.

Gives me the proper horn.
(Thu 7th Apr 2005, 14:54, More)