Profile for spingers:
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- a member for 6 years, 3 months and 2 days
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there is nothing to see here, move along
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» The Police
Really Dad, would you care to explain
Quite a few years ago, I was at Gatwick Airport with my Dad. I don't remember why and it isn't actually important. We were sitting down, maybe having some tea maybe we weren't again, not really important, when I mentioned that the Old Bill were carrying guns. I had never seen a copper carrying a gun and told my Dad so.
My Dad has a lot of opinions on a lot of things and it was on this subject that he chose to opine (it is, I looked it up) that coppers who carried guns were all little Hitlers, drunk on their own power. I started to laugh and he took that as a cue to continue on his rant with me laughing more and more.
The reason I was laughing was that there were two armed police men standing immediately behind him. When he eventually realised, to his credit he looked them straight in the face and said 'apart from you two'
I laughed, my Dad laughed, the coppers didn't.
(Thu 22nd Sep 2005, 13:20, More)
Really Dad, would you care to explain
Quite a few years ago, I was at Gatwick Airport with my Dad. I don't remember why and it isn't actually important. We were sitting down, maybe having some tea maybe we weren't again, not really important, when I mentioned that the Old Bill were carrying guns. I had never seen a copper carrying a gun and told my Dad so.
My Dad has a lot of opinions on a lot of things and it was on this subject that he chose to opine (it is, I looked it up) that coppers who carried guns were all little Hitlers, drunk on their own power. I started to laugh and he took that as a cue to continue on his rant with me laughing more and more.
The reason I was laughing was that there were two armed police men standing immediately behind him. When he eventually realised, to his credit he looked them straight in the face and said 'apart from you two'
I laughed, my Dad laughed, the coppers didn't.
(Thu 22nd Sep 2005, 13:20, More)
» Insults
Wimbledon FuCoff
It was whilst watching the mighty Wimbledon in their Selhurt[sic] Park days that I found myself surrounded by some of South London's finest 'ard men.
As the match kicked off they started some good old fashioned jocularity, after a wee while we were all having a good laugh but then the language got a bit fruity. Some gentleman pointed out that there were kids in the crowd and would they mind not swearing. I cringed in anticipation of a right, royal rollaround but to my astonishment they apologised and stopped the swearing.
Minutes later the ref blew up against the Dons (as they tended to) when the biggest of them geared up for what looked like a huge swear, as he was about to let rip you could see a thought process of 'don't swear' cross his mind and instead chose to call the referee a 'RUDDY DOUGHNUT' to which all his mates pissed themselves and called him a daft cunt. It was hard not to agree, the rest of the match was spent following every decision by the ref with some sort of bakery related instult.
It was possibly the best match ever and considering I don't remember who it was against that can't be a bad thing.
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 14:08, More)
Wimbledon FuCoff
It was whilst watching the mighty Wimbledon in their Selhurt[sic] Park days that I found myself surrounded by some of South London's finest 'ard men.
As the match kicked off they started some good old fashioned jocularity, after a wee while we were all having a good laugh but then the language got a bit fruity. Some gentleman pointed out that there were kids in the crowd and would they mind not swearing. I cringed in anticipation of a right, royal rollaround but to my astonishment they apologised and stopped the swearing.
Minutes later the ref blew up against the Dons (as they tended to) when the biggest of them geared up for what looked like a huge swear, as he was about to let rip you could see a thought process of 'don't swear' cross his mind and instead chose to call the referee a 'RUDDY DOUGHNUT' to which all his mates pissed themselves and called him a daft cunt. It was hard not to agree, the rest of the match was spent following every decision by the ref with some sort of bakery related instult.
It was possibly the best match ever and considering I don't remember who it was against that can't be a bad thing.
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 14:08, More)
» Toilets
Silverstone Mong
On my way to Silverstone I went into the poshest motorway service station in the UK. Everything was ship shaped and bristol fashion, had a nice coffee, two bennie hedgehogs and finished it off with by laying a cable in the cleanest cubicle I had ever seen.
Whilst washing my hands I noticed a peculiar hedgemonkey struggling with the star trek taps. They were the type where you simply wave your hands infront of them and they work, if this proved too difficult to work out they handily supplied a large clear diagram. He, unfortunately could not understand the language that they had been drawn in and walked from sink to sink getting more and more confused. He finally plucked up the courage to ask how they work. " You need to say 'tap on' mate, or they won't work" I left listening to him saying "tap on" to each and every sink.
The scariest thing is that it was quite possible that he drove to the service station and is now, as we speak, legally driving around this country unable to understand simple images brrrrrr.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 16:29, More)
Silverstone Mong
On my way to Silverstone I went into the poshest motorway service station in the UK. Everything was ship shaped and bristol fashion, had a nice coffee, two bennie hedgehogs and finished it off with by laying a cable in the cleanest cubicle I had ever seen.
Whilst washing my hands I noticed a peculiar hedgemonkey struggling with the star trek taps. They were the type where you simply wave your hands infront of them and they work, if this proved too difficult to work out they handily supplied a large clear diagram. He, unfortunately could not understand the language that they had been drawn in and walked from sink to sink getting more and more confused. He finally plucked up the courage to ask how they work. " You need to say 'tap on' mate, or they won't work" I left listening to him saying "tap on" to each and every sink.
The scariest thing is that it was quite possible that he drove to the service station and is now, as we speak, legally driving around this country unable to understand simple images brrrrrr.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 16:29, More)
» School Trips
A Busman's holiday
I got lost in Poole after consuming about eleven tonnes of KFC. I think Colonel Saunders spices affected my brain.
I remember wandering past a Peter Stuyvesant Stunt show with my friends turning around and finding myself alone and lost. All I knew was that I was meant to be back at the bus by 8pm and that the bus was in a car park somewhere. So, being the well prepared scout that I was, I decided that surely the best course of action was to break down in a flood of tears.
I eventually stumbled across a Bus depot, red eyed with a snot covered face. After some explanation to the bus drivers as to my predicament, they decided to drive me round the car parks in Poole, in a spare double decker bus until they found the scout bus waiting to take me home.
I was only about an hour late,even though it felt like a lifetime and everyone was more than impressed at my arrival.
It goes down as a hearty testament to the bus drivers of Poole that not one of them tried to bum rape me, It's not like I wasn't asking for it, 12 years old, hopelessly lost, in a scout uniform and high on KFC.
(Thu 7th Dec 2006, 17:56, More)
A Busman's holiday
I got lost in Poole after consuming about eleven tonnes of KFC. I think Colonel Saunders spices affected my brain.
I remember wandering past a Peter Stuyvesant Stunt show with my friends turning around and finding myself alone and lost. All I knew was that I was meant to be back at the bus by 8pm and that the bus was in a car park somewhere. So, being the well prepared scout that I was, I decided that surely the best course of action was to break down in a flood of tears.
I eventually stumbled across a Bus depot, red eyed with a snot covered face. After some explanation to the bus drivers as to my predicament, they decided to drive me round the car parks in Poole, in a spare double decker bus until they found the scout bus waiting to take me home.
I was only about an hour late,even though it felt like a lifetime and everyone was more than impressed at my arrival.
It goes down as a hearty testament to the bus drivers of Poole that not one of them tried to bum rape me, It's not like I wasn't asking for it, 12 years old, hopelessly lost, in a scout uniform and high on KFC.
(Thu 7th Dec 2006, 17:56, More)