» Ignorance


I was sitting at work cleaning my Android phone screen, when the old woman beside me anounced her son had one of those type phones.

Me "What sort is it"

Old Woman "Don't know, but it has a button that makes a dog come out and lick the screen clean"

Me "It won't actually clean the sceen"

Old Woman "Well not on the outside"

Nice to know they've invented an app to clean the inside of your phone.
(Fri 31st Aug 2012, 10:16, More)

» Darwin Awards

Pepper spray
Just after xmas my friend was taking his xmas cards down, and behind one of the cards he found a tin of pepper spray (no idea where it came from)- The kind the German police use to subdue hooligans. So my mate picks it up and goes "watch this" and proceeded to spray himself in the face. He couldn't open his eyes, breath properly and copious amount of snot flowed from his nose. Some went in his girlfriends mouth who was sitting next to him, she threw up over his leg.

This is how he remained for the next five hours, covered in sick and snot and unable to see. The fun to be had when inebriated.
(Fri 13th Feb 2009, 11:41, More)

» Procrastination

i hate washing up.
I used to live next door to a second had shop, that sold Plates for 5p each. So instead of washing dishes i'd just throw them in the bin and go next door and buy a new plate. On the few occasions there were no plates, just tea saucers i'd eat my meals in very small portion.
(Mon 17th Nov 2008, 23:18, More)

» Ignorance


I overheard my boss (A fucking moron of the highest order) having a conversation with a Polish girl at work about whether or not they have post cards in Poland.

Me to my boss "Why wouldn't they have post cards in Poland"

Boss "Well it's a poor country, they don't have post card in poor Country's"

Me " Of course they have post cards in Poland, Name one fucking country that's don't have post cards"

Boss "Africa"

Me "Africa's not a fucking country, but anyway why wouldn't they have post cards in Africa"

Boss "They don't have any shop's"

Me "Of course they've got shops"

Boss "No i've seen it on TV, all they do is sit about covered in flys with nothing to eat. What they should do with a this money that people collect is build them some shops."

So apparently Bob Geldoff had it all wrong, all he had to do was build a few shops.
(Fri 31st Aug 2012, 10:39, More)

» Procrastination

My brother
I can remember once the road to our local shop was blocked for cars to go down, so instead of walking 200 yards to the shop, he drove 4 miles on a detour to get to the shop.
(Mon 17th Nov 2008, 23:23, More)