Profile for Baron Greenback:
Born in Ireland, grew up in Hong Kong, educated in Yorkshire, uni in Newcastle. So take your pick where you think I come from as I sure don't know.
Love photography, have a couple of cats
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Born in Ireland, grew up in Hong Kong, educated in Yorkshire, uni in Newcastle. So take your pick where you think I come from as I sure don't know.
Love photography, have a couple of cats
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Weddings
In Newcastle a few years back
My geordie friend was getting married. When it came to saying the vows he repeated "I know not of any lawful impediment whay aye should not get married" - I sniggered away to myself for ages. I probably still am the only person who thinks it merits mirth.
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 8:51, More)
In Newcastle a few years back
My geordie friend was getting married. When it came to saying the vows he repeated "I know not of any lawful impediment whay aye should not get married" - I sniggered away to myself for ages. I probably still am the only person who thinks it merits mirth.
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 8:51, More)
» Petty Sabotage
Working in a bar
One summer in Hong Kong, we had a nasty trick of filing a shot glass with tabasco, covering it with cling film & inserting a straw into it. Then take some ice & coke & make a nice cool refreshing coke slushy, place the tabasco shot with straw into the slushy. (nicely hidden by the ice & coke mix)
Cue co worker coming in for his shift all hot & bothered -"here mate have this, customer changed their order"
Watch with glee as he takes a huge pull on the straw expecting ice cold coke & gets a mouth full of tabasco.
mwhahahah
(Tue 10th May 2005, 5:40, More)
Working in a bar
One summer in Hong Kong, we had a nasty trick of filing a shot glass with tabasco, covering it with cling film & inserting a straw into it. Then take some ice & coke & make a nice cool refreshing coke slushy, place the tabasco shot with straw into the slushy. (nicely hidden by the ice & coke mix)
Cue co worker coming in for his shift all hot & bothered -"here mate have this, customer changed their order"
Watch with glee as he takes a huge pull on the straw expecting ice cold coke & gets a mouth full of tabasco.
mwhahahah
(Tue 10th May 2005, 5:40, More)
» Weddings
After a family wedding
I was driving my grandmother home & she was a little worse for ware having enjoyed a little too much punch not knowing it had copious amounts of booze in it & not a big drinker herself.
After a couple of miles she asked me to pull over as she felt a little "car sick". She opened the passenger door & delivered a bright purple pavement pizza. After a bit of blank wretching and spitting the last little bits out, she stared down at the contents of her stomach, turned around to me, pointed at the floor & said
"dey look like my teef"
double take
"dey are my teef!"
picked them up & popped them back in.
class runs in the genes obvioulsy
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 9:02, More)
After a family wedding
I was driving my grandmother home & she was a little worse for ware having enjoyed a little too much punch not knowing it had copious amounts of booze in it & not a big drinker herself.
After a couple of miles she asked me to pull over as she felt a little "car sick". She opened the passenger door & delivered a bright purple pavement pizza. After a bit of blank wretching and spitting the last little bits out, she stared down at the contents of her stomach, turned around to me, pointed at the floor & said
"dey look like my teef"
double take
"dey are my teef!"
picked them up & popped them back in.
class runs in the genes obvioulsy
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 9:02, More)
» Puns
2 Prawns
one called Christian & one called Paul. Busy doing what prawns do eating from the bottom of the sea. Paul is pretty sick of eating shit all day & hates being at the bottom of the food chain. Suddenly he uncovers a magic lamp.
*pop* genie appears
"THANK YOU FOR RELEASING ME, I'LL GIVE YOU ONE WISH" - boomed the genie
"I thought 3 wishes was the usual" replied Paul
"NOT IN THIS JOKE"
"ok then, well I am sick & tired of being at the bottom of the food chain. Can I please be a shark"
Pif pof poof - Paul is a shark.
Christian is terrified of sharks & swims away in fear. For the next week or so Paul is loving being a shark & does the jaws theme tune in his head almost all the time.
However after a while he starts to feel a little lonely. All the other animals swim away from him & he has no one to talk to. So he decides he needs to find the lamp again & unmake the wish. He spends the next 6 months searching the ocean floor & eventually finds the lamp, gives it a little rub with his fin.
*pop* genie appears again.
"I don't want to be a shark anymore" Paul whines.
pif pof poof - the genie undoes the spell.
So now Paul is swimming around on the bottom of the sea & sees his old friend Christian in the distance & shouts to him:
"Hey Christian!"
Christian hears Paul & assumes he is still a shark & swims away in fear.
"No wait!" begs Paul
"I'm a prawn again Christian"
(Sun 8th Mar 2009, 3:35, More)
2 Prawns
one called Christian & one called Paul. Busy doing what prawns do eating from the bottom of the sea. Paul is pretty sick of eating shit all day & hates being at the bottom of the food chain. Suddenly he uncovers a magic lamp.
*pop* genie appears
"THANK YOU FOR RELEASING ME, I'LL GIVE YOU ONE WISH" - boomed the genie
"I thought 3 wishes was the usual" replied Paul
"NOT IN THIS JOKE"
"ok then, well I am sick & tired of being at the bottom of the food chain. Can I please be a shark"
Pif pof poof - Paul is a shark.
Christian is terrified of sharks & swims away in fear. For the next week or so Paul is loving being a shark & does the jaws theme tune in his head almost all the time.
However after a while he starts to feel a little lonely. All the other animals swim away from him & he has no one to talk to. So he decides he needs to find the lamp again & unmake the wish. He spends the next 6 months searching the ocean floor & eventually finds the lamp, gives it a little rub with his fin.
*pop* genie appears again.
"I don't want to be a shark anymore" Paul whines.
pif pof poof - the genie undoes the spell.
So now Paul is swimming around on the bottom of the sea & sees his old friend Christian in the distance & shouts to him:
"Hey Christian!"
Christian hears Paul & assumes he is still a shark & swims away in fear.
"No wait!" begs Paul
"I'm a prawn again Christian"
(Sun 8th Mar 2009, 3:35, More)
» Stupid Tourists
One summer in Hong Kong
I worked in a bar in Wan Chai and one of the other barmen was a Chinese chap who was looking forward to going to England in a couple of months for a holiday.
He knew that the English had many phrases for drinking eg "cheers" or "bottoms up" and he wanted to learn more.
We told him that "happy wanking" was a very common salutaion when chinking glasses.
anybody ever have a drink with this guy?
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 9:03, More)
One summer in Hong Kong
I worked in a bar in Wan Chai and one of the other barmen was a Chinese chap who was looking forward to going to England in a couple of months for a holiday.
He knew that the English had many phrases for drinking eg "cheers" or "bottoms up" and he wanted to learn more.
We told him that "happy wanking" was a very common salutaion when chinking glasses.
anybody ever have a drink with this guy?
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 9:03, More)