» Toilets

Men can't pee.
Quite fitting a question for I have this last Wednesday solved an office mystery.

You see, every afternoon, I'd go take a whiz in the nearby bathroom only to find the floor in front the middle urinal generously sprinkled with pee. Why, oh why, would I think? What is so complex with the usage of a porcelain bowl as big as an elephant's rear? And to think of the cleaning lady who must -everyday- mop this mess...

And then... illuminati...

I open the door, step in, and here's this guy, about three feet from the middle urinal, hose in hand, trying his best at a 45 degree angle in order to, you know, propel pee through the air at a distance worthy of those St-Bernard-sized teddy bears one wins at fairs. Hey... Isn't that how *every* man on earth uses that "white bowl" thingy?

How my eyes remained in their sockets, I'll never know...

Hey, you may come from a foreign country but if the urinal concept is that foreign to you, perhaps your country is doing something wrong.

Now, I *may* have shamed him into not doing it again because since then, the floor is as clean as a bathroom floor should be when said bathroom floor is from an office where the average worker is a PhD and 40 years old...


Onto a riddle now... Why in the fucking hell is it that some men just cannot -repeat: *cannot*- start peeing in a urinal before they spit in it? Oh, and it doesn't matter if their mouth happens to be a little dry at the time, no sireee, they start pumping! Pump, pump, pump, pump that saliva. They look like a mute person trying to express their first orgasm in words. Pump, pump, pump, pump that saliva! And when *finally* they have three drops of the thing ready to be spit, spit they do. Straight down. Kind of like... if one would want to spit on his own hands...

and wiener...

at the same time...

in public...

?

No really: ?

I ask in all the humbleness I can express in TrueType font: ???

And Vishnu forbid that the man in question be over 60, then he basically just force-drools. Sliming his chin on the way...

Anybody?
(Sat 3rd Sep 2005, 8:38, More)

» Dad Jokes

26 here, it makes me a participant!
As we step in a restaurant, the host will ask:
"-Do you have a reservation?
-Oh no, I don't have any reservations about this place! (Turns to us) Do you have any reservations?"
To which, of course, I reply as the stand-up comedian's sidekick that I have become with age:
"-I certainly do not have any reservations about this restaurant!"
And finally, the dad to conclude with the host:
"No, we do not have any reservations."
(Thu 11th Dec 2003, 3:48, More)

» Posh

Considering...
...I was born in North America, my remotest traceable ancestors were probably some carpenter's ugly and unwanted 6th daughter and a murderer... fornicating on the way here. :(

But, hey, I enjoy eating croissants. That must be a little redeeming. No?
(Sat 17th Sep 2005, 18:53, More)

» I'm an expert

I'm an expert at...
...folding the chopstick paper pockets into a chopstick holder (so as not to stain the table cloth when you put them down.)
(Fri 24th Jun 2005, 8:12, More)

» Useless Information

Roman Totale, I'm sorry but I have to.
"37 has the property to fully divide the number 111."

Really? Oh, ok.

"Amazingly, and in an incomprehensible twist of mathematical magickery, 37 also has the property to fully divide any multiple of 111!!! Is that a shocker or what?"
(Wed 23rd Mar 2005, 6:47, More)