» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

anti-cellulite creams are rubbish
I worked in the cosmetics industry in Australia, for a large, snooty and rather expensive department store that rhymes with "David Bones". I was the only straight guy at the head office, it was insanely fun going to cosmetics launches and being surrounded by beautiful women, but it's all smoke and mirrors. A couple of years ago one of the multinational cosmetics brands we sell was caught using a 12 year old boy in their Australian TV commercials for anti-cellulite cream. Any close-up shots of ladies' bottoms where you can't see their front or face? That's a 12yo boy's firm wrinkle-free botty. Even wafer thin models weren't good enough. Take heart ladies.
(Sat 29th Sep 2007, 7:57, More)

» Buses

My girlfriend's uncle in Sydney...
...is a total tosser. Plus he's a bus driver. Coincidence?

He once told us how proud he was to have confiscated an old age pensioner's concession card. In his words: "She must have been about 93." The reason for the confiscation? The old chooky's pass had expired a month earlier. He forced her to pay full fare. I'm sorry, but there's no way to impersonate a 93 year old woman if you aren't actually old enough to actually be an OAP yourself.

This incident was about 6 months after he had offered to give my girlfriend her dead grandfather's concession pass. His logic was that they shared a surname, so a mid-20s woman could passably use the ID of a dead 80-odd year old man. Flawless.

Oh, the irony.

What a twunt.
(Fri 26th Jun 2009, 5:21, More)