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- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 8 days
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» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?
Living in London...
...has given me several rude-to-celebrity tales. Johnny Vegas called me "a fucking cunt" after I bumped into him when coming out of Sound. "If you weren't such a fat ugly fucker I wouldn't have" was my response.
At the album launch for Ash's Free All Angels album, we kept putting condoms (the sinks in the toilets were full of uboot.com promotional ones) in the pints of a couple of blokes of Hollyoaks. They knew it was us, but we just looked at them and mouthed "Cock, cock, cock..." repeatedly at me.
This isn't me, but a mate of mine punched Finley Quaye in the face once over a game of pool.
At Reading Festival 2002, I was backstage interviewing californian nu-metal muppets (hed)p.e, when someone collided into me from behind and spilled one of my (many) free drinks. "Watch it, cunt!" was my response, little realising that it was the fat guy out of D12.
Last year we were out celebrating a mate's birthday at the CroBar, when Kelly Osbourne asked me about my beard (as it is a wonder of facial trimming). After telling me it was "fucking impressive" I responded that it wasn't as impressive "as her ugly gobshite continued existence".
I was drunk, and she was a beast.
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 13:04, More)
Living in London...
...has given me several rude-to-celebrity tales. Johnny Vegas called me "a fucking cunt" after I bumped into him when coming out of Sound. "If you weren't such a fat ugly fucker I wouldn't have" was my response.
At the album launch for Ash's Free All Angels album, we kept putting condoms (the sinks in the toilets were full of uboot.com promotional ones) in the pints of a couple of blokes of Hollyoaks. They knew it was us, but we just looked at them and mouthed "Cock, cock, cock..." repeatedly at me.
This isn't me, but a mate of mine punched Finley Quaye in the face once over a game of pool.
At Reading Festival 2002, I was backstage interviewing californian nu-metal muppets (hed)p.e, when someone collided into me from behind and spilled one of my (many) free drinks. "Watch it, cunt!" was my response, little realising that it was the fat guy out of D12.
Last year we were out celebrating a mate's birthday at the CroBar, when Kelly Osbourne asked me about my beard (as it is a wonder of facial trimming). After telling me it was "fucking impressive" I responded that it wasn't as impressive "as her ugly gobshite continued existence".
I was drunk, and she was a beast.
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 13:04, More)
» Impromptu Games You Play
We are lucky enough
to live near one of those Ostrich farms that sprung up over the south of England in the mid-90s. As an alternative to cop-tipping, we invented ostrich bothering. If a small group of people runs at a flock of domestic ostriches, they will run away till they get to a fence, then turn around and attack you.
The winner is whoever gets closest to the ostriches before chickening out and running from their inevitable counter attack like the cowardly bird-botherers that we are.
(Wed 31st Mar 2004, 10:12, More)
We are lucky enough
to live near one of those Ostrich farms that sprung up over the south of England in the mid-90s. As an alternative to cop-tipping, we invented ostrich bothering. If a small group of people runs at a flock of domestic ostriches, they will run away till they get to a fence, then turn around and attack you.
The winner is whoever gets closest to the ostriches before chickening out and running from their inevitable counter attack like the cowardly bird-botherers that we are.
(Wed 31st Mar 2004, 10:12, More)
» Slang Survey
Too Many Ponies, Not Enough guns
"Too Many Ponies, Not Enough Guns" - an event or situation that does not live up to expectations or requirements.
EG:
"That pub had too many ponies and not enough guns"
"You are the pony, I am the gun".
(Thu 5th Feb 2004, 15:29, More)
Too Many Ponies, Not Enough guns
"Too Many Ponies, Not Enough Guns" - an event or situation that does not live up to expectations or requirements.
EG:
"That pub had too many ponies and not enough guns"
"You are the pony, I am the gun".
(Thu 5th Feb 2004, 15:29, More)
» Irrational Fears
Horses Are The Work Of Satan
I have a fear of the four-legged evil ponie beasts as well. The worst was when a friend of mine and I were taking her flatmate's dog for a walk in the big country park in Kingsbury, and we walked round a corner and I came face to face with one of the buggers.
Maybe it's something about that innocent look in their big eyes that I don't trust. Maybe it's because I saw an item on BBc LDN once suggesting guide dogs were to be replaced with miniature ponies as they can be trained as well as dogs and live longer.
My dislike of horses goes so deep, me and my friends have a saying when something is not up to scratch: "Too Many Ponies, Not Enough Guns". The gun bit comes from the fact that all the most dangerous areas in the world - The Middle East, West Africa, The Shetland Isles - all have a gross imbalance in the pony/gun ratio.
I'm also scared of cartoon pigs. I ha this dream once where my family was changed into the one off that old sitcom "2.4 Children" except my grandma who developed a giant cartoon pig head and vomited gren gunk over people that gave them the plague. No-one in the dream could see this but me. I had to keep running away as my evil 2.4 Children parents wanted me to give her a hug.
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 11:53, More)
Horses Are The Work Of Satan
I have a fear of the four-legged evil ponie beasts as well. The worst was when a friend of mine and I were taking her flatmate's dog for a walk in the big country park in Kingsbury, and we walked round a corner and I came face to face with one of the buggers.
Maybe it's something about that innocent look in their big eyes that I don't trust. Maybe it's because I saw an item on BBc LDN once suggesting guide dogs were to be replaced with miniature ponies as they can be trained as well as dogs and live longer.
My dislike of horses goes so deep, me and my friends have a saying when something is not up to scratch: "Too Many Ponies, Not Enough Guns". The gun bit comes from the fact that all the most dangerous areas in the world - The Middle East, West Africa, The Shetland Isles - all have a gross imbalance in the pony/gun ratio.
I'm also scared of cartoon pigs. I ha this dream once where my family was changed into the one off that old sitcom "2.4 Children" except my grandma who developed a giant cartoon pig head and vomited gren gunk over people that gave them the plague. No-one in the dream could see this but me. I had to keep running away as my evil 2.4 Children parents wanted me to give her a hug.
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 11:53, More)