» Pure Ignorance

Calling the apostrophe police...
An ex of mine claimed that it's was the incorrect spelling of its.

Not the greatest piece of ignorance in the world, I'd agree.

Apart from the fact she was an English teacher and had been marking it as wrong.
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 10:39, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

On a railway bridge...
...in deepest, darkest South Wales

"RUSSELL'S GRAN SMELLS OF WEE"
(Fri 4th May 2007, 17:45, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

In the background of a news report...
...from a lab where I worked, transferring prettily coloured water from one tube to another to look all scientific. Saw the report on the TV - while the newscaster was giving his voiceover anyone who could lipread would have been able to see me ask the cameraman if I looked like a numpty pipetting this orange shit! No idea if anyone complained...
(Thu 11th Nov 2004, 13:01, More)

» Pathological Liars

Must be someting about science...
...that attracts pathological liars.

I used to work in a lab. Among the people working there was Liar#1. Amongst his many, many jumbo-sized porkies:

1- His mate in Uni was the hall monitor, or whatever the fuck they're called, in charge of booking live acts for the Hall End-Of-year party. A band sent a demo tape in which was almost unlistenable, and they got turned down. The band turned out to be the Police. You know them, fronted by some Geordie called Sting. The guy is now 30, which would make him a foetus when the Police were hawking their demo tape around.

2- A workmate's birthday was a few days after September 11th. Liar#1 claimed he couldn't drink at the do as he was "the TA's 2nd best sniper and was waiting for the call to ship out to Afganistan make the shot to take Bin Laden out". Needless to say, his mobile didn't ring and he was in work the next day as normal.

3- He'd invented a game called "Brockian Ultra Cricket". Funny, I thought it was Douglas Adams.

4- He was a fireman in his free time.

5- He was a qualified racecar driver.

6- He was a British Korfball champion (he was in fact mates with the guy who drove the Uni team's coach).

7- He invented the Carlsberg-ripoff car sticker "XXXXX: Probably The Best University In The World".

8- He invented the comedy underpants slogan "Warning: may contain nuts".

9- He's since moved to NY where, if emails are to be believed, he's appeared in Spiderman2 and has married a model. Indeed.

After Liar#1, there was Liar#2. Amongst his porkies were:

1- a mate who ate his own body weight in roast chicken every day. How did he cook them, you cry? Simple. He had a catering oven in his house. A necessity if your daily diet is 12 stone of poultry.

2- He was a vampire

3- He couldn't hand his dissertation in because, during this year's flooding, his computer got wet and the folder the dissertation was in was erased. Must've been very localised flooding - no-one else in that county was affected. Fortunately, the rest of the files on the computer weren't affected. Phew! What luck.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 21:13, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Obviously need to meet a crazier type of lady...
...judging by some of the other posts! Here're my two best...

#1- Having driven 300 miles to spend New Years Eve with the gf, she'd decided she didn't want me there and showed this by not talking to me. Not technically being dumped (as that would have involved speaking to me) but that was the bye-bye point. An expensive waste of fuel and a New Years Eve.

#2- Having finally finished with another gf (crazee laydee, kept referring to herself in the 3rd person: "Claire Smith doesn't want to watch that film" ), whilst getting a lift home from the pub in her car she decides to imitate Colin McRae, rally driving around tiny streets at slightly more than the 30mph speed limit whilst bawling her eyes out (nb. Mr McRae might not do the latter part). Slightly rich as she'd dumped me and was already seeing her new bf at the time of the dumping. The skid marks on the road weren't the only ones. Cue my attempt to leave a moving car...I curse the A-Team for putting the idea in my head.
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 16:39, More)