» Mugged

This isn't a very funny story really,
but it only happened today, and I am feeling sorry for myself.
In broad daylight some nasty wanker Spanish chav types drove up behind me on a moped and tried to take my bag from my arm.
I didn't put up a fight, I just didn't exactly realise what was happening, and so didn't let go of it. This meant I got dragged along a bit till they let go, and the force of that sent me flying across the dusty gravel.

Police were called, and I got taken to the hospital and had to have x-rays in case I had broken my ribs.
Luckily all I got were lots of grazes, a bump on the head, and a nasty pulled muscle in my back. But my god it smarts.
Pictures here.

But on the bright side, the fuckers didn't get my bag, I got to go in the back of a police car and have people look at me like I was the most unlikely criminal they'd ever seen, and I got to go in a wheelchair. A wheelchair!! That bit was quite fun really.
(Mon 19th Jun 2006, 4:45, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Huzzah!
One I actually have a story for!

The Dance teacher in my school changed his name from John Brown to Jozimba Panthera because, being of mixed race, he thought John Brown was racist. We didn't actually dance much either, but sat around in circles discussing racism and sexism.

Then there was the english teacher who had an affair with the boy in our year when we were in year 11. Apparently they later got married and everything.

Comprehensive schools rock.
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 15:03, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Moogy Boobles -
The way I sang it was:

We are the Tufnell girls (or insert wherever you live)
We wear our hair in curls,
We wear our dungarees,
Down to our sexy knees,
I met a boy one day,
He gave me 50p,
To go behind the tree,
And have it off with me
My mother was surprised
To see my belly rise
My father jumped for joy
To see a baby boy
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 15:42, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Life is like a box of chocolates...
When I was 12 my mum made me phone in on Phil Jupitus's radio show on what was then GLR (now London Live). I had to do an impression of Forrest Gump. Phil Jupitus asked me what homework I had to do that weekend, and whilst nervously replying I said 'uuummmmm' more than I ever have before in the space of about two minutes.

I won a video of the movie of Casper the friendly ghost.

Wicked.
(Thu 4th Aug 2005, 18:06, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

Talking to myself
I talk to myself all the time. Quite often full blown conversations. With different accents.

Also, the type of spots that hit the mirror when you squeeze them... it really can happen. Talk about satisfaction.

Sometimes I worry...
(Fri 8th Apr 2005, 2:03, More)