b3ta.com user Branfish
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The Exciting and Wonderful Adventures of Gotty - my webcomic, based on a mate of mine.

Church of Pokey - my messageboard, based on not much really.

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» Lies Your Parents Told You

Oh, remembered another one!
Not a parent, but my A-level Biology teacher told us about this time back at her old school, when the whole Biology department decided, for a laugh, to pretend to an entire GCSE Biology class that the reason seagulls sleep standing on one leg is so that they don't get eaten by limpets.

The theory was that limpets are carnivorous creatures, and the way they catch their prey (seagulls) is by waiting until they're asleep, then crawling very slowly onto their legs, and then when they wake up, they are unable to walk or take off, and so when the tide comes in, they drown, and the limpets feast. So of course, sleeping standing on one leg halves the chances of being killed by limpets.

Of course, a lot the kids at first thought it was nonsense, so they went and asked the other biology teachers, who were of course in on it, and confirmed her story (and of course these kids were at the age when teachers still had no lives outside the classrooms, and so didn't communicate with each other).

I like to think that someone, somewhere, has failed their GCSE because of this, and now harbours a bitter hatred and a lust for revenge...
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 20:17, More)

» Irrational Fears

Fear and Loathing
I can only eat certain foods in even number quantities. Toast, for example - I simply cannot eat one (or three, or five) slice(s) of toast.

Oh the other hand, there are certain foods that I can only eat in odd numbers - e.g. biscuits.

I suppose this is more an obsessive-compulsive disorder than an irrational fear...
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 14:27, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Not so much a lie...
...as an uncorrected assumption. My mum is a fairly modern parent, and so she never really lied to me, so I never believed in the tooth fairy or santa claus (although we did still all pretend we believed he existed, for some unknown reason) or anything like that.

However, she did like in indulge in a little of the wacky baccy on occasion, and so until I was about 13 I thought that the crumbling of the brown stuff was just a natural part of rolling a cigarette...

Like I say, she never actually told me this, but since I almost never saw a cigarette being rolled "properly" (as most of my family indulge), I never questioned its existence or, more crucially, its legality...
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 17:25, More)