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- a member for 20 years, 4 months and 11 days
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» Embarrassing Injuries
No idiots were harmed in the making of this comedy mishap
When I used to be a hospital lab technician, I used to wear my labcoat outside the haematology lab, strictly against the rules, as it would cause people to stand aside for me at doors and so on, on the assumption that I was a doctor. Annoying and egotistical, but totally irrelevant.
Once a week, we lab rats would go down to the laundry room in our stained and grubby old coats to change them for lovely fresh new ones. The major part of this operation was to transfer all the pens and stuff from the top pocket of the old coat.
I ought to explain that the number of pens in a labcoat top pocket was a reliable indicator of importance. Senior doctors might have four colours of biros, a couple of felt tips, tounge depressors, tweezers, pencils... NHS hospitals are the most status-obsessed places in the world. Nobly saving lives is so often an ego trip, and in any case folk need something to make up for the shit money.
So, one fateful Wednesday I was just into my new coat, with a fistful of rarely used writing implements ready to go, when a red biro fell to the floor. After getting the rest in place I bent down to get it. Unknowingly, I put my heel firmly on the tail of the labcoat in doing so. Then I stood up.
Of course, once my legs were half straightened, there was only one place for my shoulders to go. In effect, I pulled myself over backwards, with my legs shooting more or less straight up into the air as soon as my arse hit the deck amid the clatter of pens.
Productivity was abysmal that day, as everyone started laughing again every time they saw me.
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 0:36, More)
No idiots were harmed in the making of this comedy mishap
When I used to be a hospital lab technician, I used to wear my labcoat outside the haematology lab, strictly against the rules, as it would cause people to stand aside for me at doors and so on, on the assumption that I was a doctor. Annoying and egotistical, but totally irrelevant.
Once a week, we lab rats would go down to the laundry room in our stained and grubby old coats to change them for lovely fresh new ones. The major part of this operation was to transfer all the pens and stuff from the top pocket of the old coat.
I ought to explain that the number of pens in a labcoat top pocket was a reliable indicator of importance. Senior doctors might have four colours of biros, a couple of felt tips, tounge depressors, tweezers, pencils... NHS hospitals are the most status-obsessed places in the world. Nobly saving lives is so often an ego trip, and in any case folk need something to make up for the shit money.
So, one fateful Wednesday I was just into my new coat, with a fistful of rarely used writing implements ready to go, when a red biro fell to the floor. After getting the rest in place I bent down to get it. Unknowingly, I put my heel firmly on the tail of the labcoat in doing so. Then I stood up.
Of course, once my legs were half straightened, there was only one place for my shoulders to go. In effect, I pulled myself over backwards, with my legs shooting more or less straight up into the air as soon as my arse hit the deck amid the clatter of pens.
Productivity was abysmal that day, as everyone started laughing again every time they saw me.
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 0:36, More)
» Posh
Refugee
My ancestors in the male line were French protestants who escaped the St Bartholomew's Day massacre in 1572. They made a living in London as silk weavers, silversmiths and traders.
I don't know whether that's posh or not.
More recently on my mum's side I am descended from millionaire south London butchers who had a large villa in the fields of Lewisham.
Eliza, the young lady of the family had an ... entanglement with the captain of a Sweedish merchant ship then docked in London.
She had to travel to Germany to give birth to my grandmother, who had no birth certificate.
Back in England my grandmother was given for adoption to a family in Dover. At fourteen, she was sent into domestic service with a fine family who lived in Lewisham.
Some time before her eighteenth birthday she came to know that her mistress was also her mother.
She was married off to a poor specimen of humanity, the thirteenth son of a modestly successful businessman.
As a girl, mum was allowed to visit the big house for the famous Boxing Day parties, with silver coins hidden around for kids to find, crackers from Harrods and servants out in force.
She had no idea whether she was posh or not, treated neither as family nor servant.
(Sun 18th Sep 2005, 23:41, More)
Refugee
My ancestors in the male line were French protestants who escaped the St Bartholomew's Day massacre in 1572. They made a living in London as silk weavers, silversmiths and traders.
I don't know whether that's posh or not.
More recently on my mum's side I am descended from millionaire south London butchers who had a large villa in the fields of Lewisham.
Eliza, the young lady of the family had an ... entanglement with the captain of a Sweedish merchant ship then docked in London.
She had to travel to Germany to give birth to my grandmother, who had no birth certificate.
Back in England my grandmother was given for adoption to a family in Dover. At fourteen, she was sent into domestic service with a fine family who lived in Lewisham.
Some time before her eighteenth birthday she came to know that her mistress was also her mother.
She was married off to a poor specimen of humanity, the thirteenth son of a modestly successful businessman.
As a girl, mum was allowed to visit the big house for the famous Boxing Day parties, with silver coins hidden around for kids to find, crackers from Harrods and servants out in force.
She had no idea whether she was posh or not, treated neither as family nor servant.
(Sun 18th Sep 2005, 23:41, More)
» Irrational Fears
Injections...
I have an abject terror of injections, to the point that I have refused medication that could have stopped me violently throwing up after an incident of food poisining .
There have been few occasions when, unable to avoid an injection, I have not started to feel like a TV not tuned to a station - white noise gets louder, picture gets fuzzy until its just random black and white dots, and over I keel.
It happened in a doctor's surgery once. When I came round, the doc was very sympathetic, but rather spoiled it by asking me if he could take a blood sample to help pin down the problem...
We decided to agree that it was purely psychosomatic.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 22:42, More)
Injections...
I have an abject terror of injections, to the point that I have refused medication that could have stopped me violently throwing up after an incident of food poisining .
There have been few occasions when, unable to avoid an injection, I have not started to feel like a TV not tuned to a station - white noise gets louder, picture gets fuzzy until its just random black and white dots, and over I keel.
It happened in a doctor's surgery once. When I came round, the doc was very sympathetic, but rather spoiled it by asking me if he could take a blood sample to help pin down the problem...
We decided to agree that it was purely psychosomatic.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 22:42, More)
» Lies Your Parents Told You
My mum told me...
that I had to brush my teeth to get rid of the tiny little hammers that are hitting them all the time.
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 21:54, More)
My mum told me...
that I had to brush my teeth to get rid of the tiny little hammers that are hitting them all the time.
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 21:54, More)
» Lies Your Parents Told You
When I was little...
my parents always let me go out to the ice cream van if I had some pocket money. I could never understand why more kids didn't do the same when you could get those excellent little frozen cream ones for just 5p.
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 21:51, More)
When I was little...
my parents always let me go out to the ice cream van if I had some pocket money. I could never understand why more kids didn't do the same when you could get those excellent little frozen cream ones for just 5p.
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 21:51, More)