» Puns

Fishies
I once wandered up to the window of my office and looked down at the company pond.

"I want to see the goldfish" I said.
"They're COY" my colleague said.
"Nah, they're just a bit shy."

I didn't set that up, I was pretty proud of it to be honest.
(Fri 6th Mar 2009, 14:49, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Luxury
You people don't know you're born. My father actually hated me so much that he didn't even conceive me. He said he wanted nothing to do with me whatsoever before he'd even slept with my mother, and fucked off to Greece with some bird from the chippie, leaving my Mum to drive around the neighbourhood asking men to fertilise her, until some complete stranger agreed. Thanks a lot Dad.
(Wed 22nd Aug 2007, 12:52, More)

» Best Comebacks

An angry street preacher
once pointed at me as I walked past, he was in mid flow, and practically screamed at me-
"And you Sir! You're not going to inherit the earth!"
I replied, "Well I'll speak to my Solicitor."
My mates and some other passers by wet themselves.
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 18:30, More)

» Claims to Fame

I did serve steak and chips to that ginger kid from Harry Potter,
but I suppose my real claim to fame is that I once went to school with a girl whose friends Dad died in that ferry disaster where the tail gate was left open.
(Sat 26th Feb 2005, 13:40, More)

» Top Tips

Don't waste money on expensive personalised number plates.
I simply changed my name by deed pole to SV51 CSZ. Voila!
(Tue 23rd Oct 2007, 17:37, More)