» Mobile phone disasters

Some chap
Seems to have the number of my works phone. He keeps texting it - I assume it's on a group list or something. So I keep texting him back with increasingly more bizarre things. I've only ever had one response, and haven't heard anything for a couple of weeks now.

Him (I assume it's a him): "Can everyone dial in to the conference call at 1645 at the usual place"
Me: "Will do captain!"

Him: "We've got to beat Essex this month - targets are "
Me: "I'll set those as my own personal targets! I'll flog myself if I don't meet them"

Him: "Please submit your QFD reports by close of play today"
Me: "I love you"

Him: "We need 25 more appointments by the end of the day"
Me: "I can do that in my sleep"
[later that day]
Him: "Well done team, we exceeded our targets!"
Me: "You're my hero!"
Him: "You're mine too"

Him: "We really need to push on the sales today - Essex are catching us up this month"
Me: "I'm pregnant. I think it's yours"

Not heard anything since.
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 0:27, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

The name's Mr T.
In 1972, I was part of a crack commando unit which was sent to prison by a military court for a crime that we didn't commit.
Myself, and the others in my unit promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, we're still wanted by the government, but survive as soldiers of fortune.

We're trying to make some money. If you have a problem - if no one else can help - and if you can find us, or better still, e-mail us - maybe you can hire us. Let me know, like.
(Sun 26th Mar 2006, 18:31, More)

» Panic Buying

This year
I work far too much. I'm a theatre techie. Christmas for most other people means panto season for us, and a hell of a lot of work. 90 hour weeks and whatnot.

The shows finish at 1655 and the shops shut five minutes later. So, I have this plan. Give the girlfriend £200 and tell her to buy all of the gifts and cards for my family.

Genius!

So, Christmas morning, everyone is opening their presents.

You know what's coming, don't you?

She's still quietly fuming about it.

Bugger.
(Fri 30th Dec 2005, 23:28, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Trying to keep a lid on something
Someone posts a random string of numbers, which are used to make the conned-sumer pay over and over again for something they've already bought.

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

That taught them.
(Wed 2nd May 2007, 16:20, More)

» The most cash I've ever carried

I had my bank account used for money laundering
Which was nice. I phoned my bank and said "Look, I've no idea if this money is mine or not. It's feasible it might be" - since this was the time of the dotcom boom I was getting some odd amounts of money in there every now and then.

photos.garysmith.org.uk/c14888.html for those who don't believe me (the highest point was £87k available for withdrawal).

Since money was also exiting my account with regularity that I didn't actually authorise, the bank told me to withdraw the money and hang on to it, and they'd sort it all out from there. I wasn't allowed to spend it, just ensure I had what I needed.

So I was walking around one of the not-really-that-nice areas of Leicester with 28 grand in my back pocket as I tried to find another bank to open an account with. Oddly, most High Street banks need to refer to the local police station when someone walks in wanting to deposit 28 grand in used 10s & 20s.
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 11:14, More)