Profile for Forecast Monkey:
I currently forecast expected sales from my company to a major retailer. 12 weeks out. When they work on a 4 week window. Mainly I use "the bones" to try and foresee the future. They are not always accurate.
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I currently forecast expected sales from my company to a major retailer. 12 weeks out. When they work on a 4 week window. Mainly I use "the bones" to try and foresee the future. They are not always accurate.
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
» Clients Are Stupid
Trainees... sorry if this is long but this should be recorded...
This is ALL true. *shudder*
In a previous job I managed a store selling materials for loft conversions. There was only one staffer per store but occasionally I was sent a trainee, so they were, in a sense, customers of mine. One in particular was monumentally stupid... here is a *very* short list of his worst foibles...
In the first week, he ran out of fuel 3 times on the way to work. His petrol guage was broken and instead of keeping the tank topped up (or fixing it), he tried to calculate his fuel consumption for each journey and bought accordingly. He was bad at maths. Monkey.
He could not work out how to put staples into a stapler, nor figure out the safety catch on a hole punch. He honestly thought that credit card machines worked by braille, reading the card number, not the magnetic strip and almost broke a customer's Visa card by trying to force it.
He went to another branch to collect a long weight (wait) and still hadn't figured it out when they sent him back THREE hours later.
We had display staircases and loft ladders that needed varnishing. He did a staircase starting on the bottom step and worked his way up! At this point I had given up on him and just let him do it. Later that day I said he could go early if he went to the local DIY superstore for some stripey paint *it had to go from top right to bottom left* to decorate our store room. He appologised the next day and said he had tried 3 other stores but none could help. It took me 10 minutes to then explain why you couldn't get stripey paint.
I know this is long but I'm nearly done.....
Finally I got shot of him and sent him to another store. (The background here is that I banked each day's takings at the Girobank in the local Post Office). The other manager needed a wood sample sending to a customer and gave the addressed package plus stamp money to our friend. He promptly walked past the GPO in Richmond and into the bank, queued up and asked the teller how much his parcel would cost to send. Bank clerk looked for hidden cameras and said that he would have to go next door (where the Post Office was). Monkey boy instead queued at the next window in the bank, got the same answer and then had a barney saying they were taking the piss. He then returned in a strop to the store, past the post office and when asked why replied "they said it was a bank". Stupid cranberry thought if you could bank in a post office the reverse was true.
The worst thing? He had a 2.i degree. From the University of North London (Tottenham). I fear for the future.
Thanks for your patience. I feel better now *sigh*
(Wed 31st Dec 2003, 12:06, More)
Trainees... sorry if this is long but this should be recorded...
This is ALL true. *shudder*
In a previous job I managed a store selling materials for loft conversions. There was only one staffer per store but occasionally I was sent a trainee, so they were, in a sense, customers of mine. One in particular was monumentally stupid... here is a *very* short list of his worst foibles...
In the first week, he ran out of fuel 3 times on the way to work. His petrol guage was broken and instead of keeping the tank topped up (or fixing it), he tried to calculate his fuel consumption for each journey and bought accordingly. He was bad at maths. Monkey.
He could not work out how to put staples into a stapler, nor figure out the safety catch on a hole punch. He honestly thought that credit card machines worked by braille, reading the card number, not the magnetic strip and almost broke a customer's Visa card by trying to force it.
He went to another branch to collect a long weight (wait) and still hadn't figured it out when they sent him back THREE hours later.
We had display staircases and loft ladders that needed varnishing. He did a staircase starting on the bottom step and worked his way up! At this point I had given up on him and just let him do it. Later that day I said he could go early if he went to the local DIY superstore for some stripey paint *it had to go from top right to bottom left* to decorate our store room. He appologised the next day and said he had tried 3 other stores but none could help. It took me 10 minutes to then explain why you couldn't get stripey paint.
I know this is long but I'm nearly done.....
Finally I got shot of him and sent him to another store. (The background here is that I banked each day's takings at the Girobank in the local Post Office). The other manager needed a wood sample sending to a customer and gave the addressed package plus stamp money to our friend. He promptly walked past the GPO in Richmond and into the bank, queued up and asked the teller how much his parcel would cost to send. Bank clerk looked for hidden cameras and said that he would have to go next door (where the Post Office was). Monkey boy instead queued at the next window in the bank, got the same answer and then had a barney saying they were taking the piss. He then returned in a strop to the store, past the post office and when asked why replied "they said it was a bank". Stupid cranberry thought if you could bank in a post office the reverse was true.
The worst thing? He had a 2.i degree. From the University of North London (Tottenham). I fear for the future.
Thanks for your patience. I feel better now *sigh*
(Wed 31st Dec 2003, 12:06, More)
» Weddings
Wedding Speeches
The worst opening to a wedding speech that I've heard of was when the Best Man (who had previously dated the bride) began with "I've known Smelly Meat for quite some time". Apparently this had been her nickname in the time between the Best Man and the Groom. One table (far corner, also former members of the rugby team) found it hilarious. Didn't go down so well elsewhere.....
Also, at a wedding last year where I was usher, the Groom refused all suggestions that he pre-write a speech, as he 'always winged it at work'. After a pretty shambolic 5 minutes littered with half forgotten punch lines and missed cues, it ended with "I think I'll stop there, it's all gone wrong".
Only my second ever post, so frankly I'm surprised that it lasted this long.....
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 14:21, More)
Wedding Speeches
The worst opening to a wedding speech that I've heard of was when the Best Man (who had previously dated the bride) began with "I've known Smelly Meat for quite some time". Apparently this had been her nickname in the time between the Best Man and the Groom. One table (far corner, also former members of the rugby team) found it hilarious. Didn't go down so well elsewhere.....
Also, at a wedding last year where I was usher, the Groom refused all suggestions that he pre-write a speech, as he 'always winged it at work'. After a pretty shambolic 5 minutes littered with half forgotten punch lines and missed cues, it ended with "I think I'll stop there, it's all gone wrong".
Only my second ever post, so frankly I'm surprised that it lasted this long.....
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 14:21, More)
» My Christmas Nightmare
A pain in the...
I once went to Denmark for Christmas with the relatives and spent pretty much the whole time on a sofa bed in the lounge, being very ill and with some sort of physical segregation from the rest of the room to try and prevent my grandparents getting ill (just how they thought this would work I'm not sure. Then again there was a limit to how far you can boff without the aid of booze/kebabs, so it may have been to try and save the carpets). All I really remember was that duck was on the menu for Christmas eve and that they use anal thermometers over there. Very traumatic for a 7 year old.
:(
BTW: Merry Christmas all!
(Thu 23rd Dec 2004, 15:48, More)
A pain in the...
I once went to Denmark for Christmas with the relatives and spent pretty much the whole time on a sofa bed in the lounge, being very ill and with some sort of physical segregation from the rest of the room to try and prevent my grandparents getting ill (just how they thought this would work I'm not sure. Then again there was a limit to how far you can boff without the aid of booze/kebabs, so it may have been to try and save the carpets). All I really remember was that duck was on the menu for Christmas eve and that they use anal thermometers over there. Very traumatic for a 7 year old.
:(
BTW: Merry Christmas all!
(Thu 23rd Dec 2004, 15:48, More)