» Misunderstood

phoned up my gf
at end of a night out 2 kip at hers, somehow text her and got her address. misread the text (tired and pissed) knocked on the door and something was different. kipped, woke up in the morning and turns out her next door neightbour (that i'd knocked on) was my ex. fucking small world. had 2 do a lot of explaining to ex and a lot of covering up to gf.
(Thu 6th Oct 2005, 23:16, More)

» Pure Ignorance

xmas in dover
My sister:
"they have jesus in america? WOW"
"does israel exist?"
(getting confused between samuel l jackson and wesley snipes:)
Her:"in blade II, did shaft play blade?"
Me:"no, snipes played blade"
Her:"so who did shaft play?"
Me:"samuel l jackson played shaft"
Her:"so who's blade?"
Me:"blade is snipes. jackson is shaft"
Her:"wait let me get this straight - snipes doesn't exist"
Me:"no shaft doesn't exist"
Her:"but you said jackson played him!"
Me:"shut up"
Her:"ok"
Me:>spang<
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 17:51, More)

» Dressing Up

Master Chief
For last year's SantaCon (which I believe was attended by at least a few other b3tans) I dressed as the one and only Master Chief. For the first two hours of freezing cold standing around at Trafalgar Square my friend (who didn't scale his suit down, make a helmet nor fiberglass it) and I couldn't move more than 10 meters without another group of people queuing up to take photos. The best bit was acting as a human shield for my petite girlfriend from the barrage of brussel sprouts which happens when that many drunk Santae get together, not to mention watching her get pushed aside by other ladies when pictures were taken.





Notice the camelpak sneakily hidden under the backpack which satisfied my urge to consume the devil's drink during the course of the day. You may also notice the armpiece and front of the helmet being held on with emergency sellotape after my feeble attempts at fiberglassing the insides failed as my arms moved around, beats my friend who ripped his off after getting sloshed on whisky - I only wish I had the suit ready for the Halo 4 launch next month...

This year's Halloween/SantaCon suit is the Berserker Predator from Predators which is currently a work in progress.



sorry for bigness!
(Mon 29th Oct 2012, 21:59, More)

» I Quit!

Evil evil job!
About 4 years ago I worked in my local co-op, which, after 18months of my employment, the bigwigs decided to shut down (big kick in the nuts as it meant I was open to agency-based abuse). On my last day I decided to dress as a woman (complete with tesco shirt for extra abuse) with skirt, lipstick and mascara. Waking my sister up at 6am to say "Soph! Help me with my make-up!" was the highlight of the day, along with making my co-worker on the cigarette kiosk do all the work whilst I went around pretending to flirt with everyone and getting double-takes from everyone.

I wasn't even drunk... (I am as I write this though)...

As an afterthought, we were given 2 weeks to clean the store out, our normal weekly wage given to us if we completed our normal hours. We completed 2 weeks work in about 3 days, paid £600 for 3 days as a student... priceless!
(Sun 25th May 2008, 1:24, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

My mum
nuked my dad's japanese fish when i was a kid. Giving them shelter from the harsh british sunlight by placing them in the shade.
On a microwave. 2 deep fried fish later.... ouch.

then we had (through several mis-sexings) 50 hamsters - albino russian dwarfs to be precise - cute as the day is long.
We obviously couldn't keep them all - very funny to watch 4 small furry marbles in a hamster wheel - and have the slowest spinning round until he'd smack one of the fastest.

But I digress - My dad gave 1 baby to a work colleague - who gave it to her little sister, 13 or so - who had just obtained a boyfriend. As she spoke to her boyfriend, hamster on her lap... she lay on her duvet... the white - furry - duvet on her bed until she finished the conversation - rolling over occasionally. Human steam roller... yeah...
(Tue 11th Dec 2007, 15:14, More)