» Pointless Experiments

4 Years lurking ...and this is what i have to show for it....
I must have been all of about 15 years old and in my final year at school when my older brother of 21 joined the Territorial Army. Now the great thing about joining the TA apart from pretending to be a soldier at the weekend is you get to travel the world and visit all manner of places including Germany.

The great thing about Germany is that they are pretty lax on weapons for self protection including Stun Guns so when my brother went over there he managed to smuggle back through customs a stun gun (for the protection of his then girlfriend against dirty rapists).

We did the obligatory testing it on each other thing which was …ummm fun however, I thought that there was much more fun to be had that didn’t involve me being pinned down and zapped.
Being the annoying far superior in intellect and scientifically minded little brother that I am decided that there was much more fun that could be had with this muscle spazim’ing device.

I decided to take the dog for his morning crap and equipped myself with the stun gun for protection against the chav scum who were on their way to the local school. (I went to a school outside the estate because they were thick as turd).

On my way past the school I noticed that it had a metal chain fence about 10 foot high, now on that fence were some birds tweeting their merry little heart out (scientific mind at work) metal… electricity… So I pull out the stun gun and applied to the chain link fence…. Birds fall off the fence and flap about on the floor uncontrollably about 20 metres away.

I’m thinking the stun gun is a great opportunity to scare off the kids at school that gave me a hard time for living on the chav scum estate. Do I decide to flash around the stun gun to the chav scum and scare them and run the risk of getting “grassed on” or should I be a little more subtle. I applied my new found knowledge that birds fall off metal fences when electricity is applied to a new environment, the queue to get in to the class room before the French lesson.

The double hard bar steward kids used to sit on the radiators before heading into the lesson during the winter months (metal radiators)….

ZAAAAAAPPPPPPPP…. 15 or so people get the bird on a wire treatment with 50,000 AC volts.


Lenght about 20 metres :O)
(Thu 24th Jul 2008, 19:42, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Twitter
Full of pretentious wankers who think that I give a flying fook about the crap they're spouting
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 15:47, More)

» Cringe!

Barage of abuse for the blind man
A man walking his dog walked into me and made me fall over... I said "Why don't you fecking look where your bloody walking you stupid barsteward muppet".... He said "I'm sorry, I'm blind and my dog forgot to put his glasses on this morning".
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 12:54, More)

» Will you go out with me?

Hot Dogs for Sara with an H
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen as a 6 year old boy, her every move captivated me and I would do almost anything to hold her hand or be close to her. I would sit next to her cross legged so that my knees would touch hers in assembly, I would always partner up with her in country dancing lessons and she was the only girl I would play kiss chase with. I was even brilliant at skipping (jump rope)by the time I finished primary school.

Then came the day I had to confess my feelings to her, I grabbed my favourite colouring pencils and penned a letter so colourful and carefully crafted it was a beautiful and true reflection of my feelings towards her. It Read…

Sara I love you.

I was too shy to reveal my name however, just witnessing her face burst into a radiant smile because someone had a crush on her would have left me happy for the rest of the day. So I left the letter in her work tray during play time and waited with baited anticipation.

When she found the letter she was more peeved that someone had spelt her name wrong (SARA'H') than happy that someone felt warm snuggly feelings towards her (women complicated creatures). She made it her mission to test everyone in the class about how to spell her name correctly, only I got it wrong.

Then she invited me over to her house to eat hot dogs. She was a good kisser though. – feels proper pervy being 30 yrs old and reliving that memory.
(Wed 3rd Sep 2008, 14:37, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

Tamiflu / IBM's RFID technology
What better way to push out a chemical marker to the stupid people than to get them to apply for the drugs online when they get a cold and without the consultation of a doctor and then give them the drugs free.

AND

The reason America and England have been pushing people to move over to the digital television format is so that frequencies can be made available for RFID technology so people animals and produce can be tracked everywhere.
(Fri 28th Aug 2009, 11:52, More)