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» Embarrassing Injuries

Bath tubs - the cunt survived
So there was my mate, in a bath tub, hurtling down a hill in the Yorkshire Dales, with a full lob-on, chasing the girl of his dreams, who for some reason was standing at the bottom of said hill in the middle of nowhere, with ALL of her mates, including my wife.

This would not merit such an invective from myself, were it not for the fact that, on reaching the bottom of the hill, he pointed out to everyone that I was reaching the jester's shoes behind a nearby wall with the gristly maiden I've been trying to do for years, and I got a serious beating from my wife, resulting in embarrassing injuries to my love wand.

And then, to rub it in, he did exactly the same thing the following week, and in fact every Sunday evening for the next 30 years.

So obviously I was furious that he had the cheek to survive such a hare-brained stunt as to travel down a 1-in-3 gradient hill (replete with mole hills and potentially dangerous wiry tufts of grass), in a bath-tub on wheels, every single time, and yet I always finished up with a beating from my wife, and never got to shoot in my bird's growler in peace.

I thought justice had finally been done in about 1999, when he finally popped his clogs. I even had a quick dump in his coffin at the funeral while no-one was looking, and assumed that I had had the last laugh. But no, his son only goes and moves into the village, and I've been caught out in the same way by him, every single Sunday since. Add to this is the fact that my bird is now so old her fadge looks like a butcher's shop window, and I think you can safely say that I've been hard done-by.
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 8:39, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Fish
I had such a bad reaction to fish once, I ended up having to go and see a Sturgeon
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 19:16, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Chicken
I hate chicken. It tastes fowl and looks poultry.

A-ha ha ha ha ha! Ha! Ha ha ha!... A-ha, a-herm... a-ho, a-hoo, a-hum, a-herm, cough... oh lord...
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 15:40, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

My mum...
...once caught me eating celery in my room with my eyes closed, so left a cup of cold cum in vengeance as I'd told her that the ice cream van outside was only playing music because it had run out of celery, and then went out and nicked the last stalk of it.

Bwouhahaha!

Unfortunately, when I bwouhaha'd in her face, she chased me round the street and caught me up because I'd spent more energy chewing the thing than I had gained from its consumption, and I got a right good kicking.

D'oh!
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 14:52, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

yeh but
Yeah but no but yeah but no but i ent dun nuffin so get off my back cus ya no kirsty well shes a tart cuz she woz round da bike sheds wiv shena and dont even talk 2 abigayle ashby cuz she went veggie 2 months ago and den ate a bargain bucket at KFC!
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 12:09, More)
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