» Teenage Poetry

on the long trip home
from the Hong Kong rugby sevens (a large drunken event involving scantily clad women, beer, inflatables and something about rugby) i wrote this 'gem'

There once was a young boy called Joe
Who said 'to the sevens I'll go!
Well he got a bit pissed
Oh the chances he missed!
And it made his rhyming bad.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 9:52, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

Two days ago
The funeral of my favourite teacher, who I have seen every school day for the last three years. Let us listen to Led Zep in class, made appauling jokes, and told us anicdotes that could get him fired.

The band he used to be in played 'Mr. Bluesky' by the ELO at the funeral. That song sung, by a weeping singer in an otherwise silent cathedral is something else. I now cry whenever I hear it.

I can see this question turning out a lot like the black sheep one...
(Thu 14th Apr 2005, 12:50, More)

» Scars with history

so there i was
winter of 1995 in sunny sunny leeds, playing, as a care-free child does, in the sunny sunny snow. Now, normal children like to build snowmen, or make snowcastles or snowangels, or throw snowballs with rocks in them at windows. But not me.

i decided it would be a fantastic idea to use all of the snow in the garden to make a gigantic (in comparison to me anyway) ramp and drive something over it. There were a few flaws in this plan which were only elucidated after it had been put into practice.

1. Snow, is not very solid
2. as such, i bulilt the ramp leaning against, and facing towards, a massive oak tree
3. i didnt have a handy bmx lying around. so i used a wheelbarrow.
4. wheelbarrows only have one wheel.
5. and its at the back.

so, i begin my runup, holding the handles like i had seen in the winter olympic bobsled, and running as fast as i could towards my little deathtrap. As i hit the ramp i dive into the wheelbarrow, which abruptly stops, flips, gets caught at 45* angle against the tree with the two rusted handles pointed up. I land with my lower lip first on one of these handles, and proceed to punch a nice hole just under it. Cue a wonderful night in LGI, where i remember i met a schoolfriend who had had done some similar *science experiment* and broken his arm.

no apologies for the length, i regret nothing.
(Sat 5th Feb 2005, 4:27, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

may as well post my pain
Around the ripe old age of 12, during one of those long summers, me and a couple of friends decided to grab everything we could find with wheels, take them to the top of the hill we lived on, and then ride them down.

This plan of course was foolproof, and a good few skateboard / shopping trolley / tricycle races ensued. we soon got bored of this however, and i took it upon myself to ride the skateboard ALL the way down this hill (about 100M) standing. Thing is i couldnt, and still cant skate. The other thing was the, up to this point, un-noticed speedbumb about 80M down said hill.

Basically, i hit this speedbump with quite some speed, proceeded to fly through the air for about four meters, and hit the ground ankle first (no, i dont know how.) the result was the outside of my right foot pressed up against my chest (try it, tis unpleasent,) me on the ground lying on this leg, and numb with pain. My friends found it hilarious of course and took a couple of photos before leaving me in the road to go tell my parents. Turns out i broke my growth plate into five little bits, and had to have a couple of metal rods jammed into my leg.

That was a bad day for me...
(Sun 5th Sep 2004, 15:09, More)