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» Useless Information

Not many people know this ...
The most random, ridiculous rubbish can be made to sound convincing simply by adding the word "fact" and an exclamation mark at the end. Fact!
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 16:11, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

Stoned student
When I was at Uni we tended to smoke a fair amount of spliffs. One of the main evening entertainments was in trying to persuade each other to do menial tasks like make tea or go to the shop when we were all too stoned to bother.
One day one of the girls who shared our house came into the living room, screamed at the sight of flames running up the curtains, ripped them down and ran them out to the kitchen sink. When she came in to see three of us just sat there she (reasonably) completely flipped out. "Why were you all just sitting there watching the curtains burn?" She yelled ...

"We were arguing over who's job it was to put them out ..."
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 9:46, More)

» Teenage Poetry

My teenage poems
Hurrah for trees,
Trees are nice,
They don't eat cheese,
They're not like mice.


I used to know a little fish,
Who swam through deep blue seas,
But now he lies upon a plate,
With ketchup, chips and peas.

(Wed 17th Aug 2005, 15:34, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Wind-up and serious stupidity.
A fellow traveller when I was in South America told me that the obese American woman he was sitting with on his plane to Santiago managed to come up with the wonderful question "So what language do you speak in England?"... he said he replied "French".

Spent a lovely evening in a bar in Norway winding up two young American ladies. My mate managed to keep a completely straight face explaining that there weren't really paved roads north of Watford Gap in the UK. Most people still used horses and carts and collected their water from the village well... they lapped it up.
But then we had to run away as terrifying huge Russian woman kept trying to chat me up and I only knew one word in Russian which was "Yes", not a good situation...
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 13:38, More)