b3ta.com user thegreatrobino
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» My Wanking Disasters

I'll shut up after this one then....
...But I had to mention this one, seeing as fucksocks is such a popular word.
I know these 2 lads who are brothers, so they always have the best slanging matches and fights.
The best thing they came out with during an argument was one of them saying "You had dad wipe your arse till you were 12", with the other replying "well, I wank into your socks and put them back in your drawer".
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 22:34, More)

» Local Nutters

One oddball from donington, the other from leicester.
He hasn't been around here for a few years, but there was a bloke called Johnny Gigalo who used to tell the most fantastic stories. He once regailed us with a yarn which explained why we hadn't seen him for a few days.

His story goes a bit like this....
"I was cycling back from scotland (note donington is in the centre of england...), when the front tyre on me' bike blew up. So I wheelied most of the way back, when this truck jack-knifed in the middle of a bridge. I had to slide underneath it, but then I flipped up and somersaulted over the side of the bridge.
I landed in a convertible ferrari with loads of women in it. They all started shouting "Go Johnny, Go!" so i drove back to dono."

He was a bit psychotic, as well as being older, so noone mentioned the obvious flaws in this story. It was just one of many though.



Another freak that I've seen before is from somewhere near leicester.
I've seen him in 2 clubs now, the Emporium in coalville, and Nocturnels in leicester.
He turns up at a club, goes stright to the front of the DJ booth, then proceeds to run on the spot for a few hours. Then jogs away when he's done.
He does this dressed in 80's tennis/jogging style clothing, and has been doing so for a few years.
(Mon 20th Sep 2004, 2:46, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

OK, I'm forced to add mine too then.
Q: What do you call a double jointed thalidomide?

A: A Transformer.



Not that sick, but kinda offensive to some.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 2:07, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

My other tale, or someone elses at least.
There was a lad in the village who we gave the "bondgate wanker". He achieved this title in a fantastic fashion.
It all came about when he used to work in a Petrol station, an esso garage, which was fairly isolated from all but passers by on the road. The road used to get pretty quiet at night, so he used to peruse the rythym mags and enjoy a good ol' tug to 'em.
This is all good and well, but one night he'd finished his business, and saw a car pull up outside.
As soon as the car had filled up, it sped away without paying. This was the big problem, as it meant that his boss would look at the tapes the next day.
So the boss looked at the tapes saw him do the deed, and fired him. The icing on the cake though, was the fact that after he'd bled his pipes, he flicked it into the cash register leaving the notes with sticky manfat on them, ready for the morning shift to winder what the fuck had been going on.

Obviously, his boss got his own back by telling everyone he could why he fired him.
Poor lad got will never be known by anything else.
heh.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 22:28, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

My inebriated Mistake
One night, many moons ago, I had been out on the razzle in my village and got suitably pissed. It appears I was more drunk than I remember, because I had no recollection of doing this, but it would seem that I went home and started watching a particularly filthy Pr0n0 called gangbang Girl (can't remember which one).

Well, I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up in the morning, the dvd player was still on, even though my TV was turned off. Also, bits of tissue were strewn around the bed and I was lying naked on top of the covers.

After getting up and getting showered, my dad told me that he found my TV on when he got up at 6am so he turned it off for me. He said nothing about the durteh DVD, the tissues or me being naked, but did mention that I must have been very pissed.

So let that be a lesson to you, always try and set the TV sleep timer.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 22:19, More)
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