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Make computer games when I'm not looking at B3ta, which is too often
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Make computer games when I'm not looking at B3ta, which is too often
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» Petty Sabotage
Confessions of a shop assistant
I worked at Argos for a couple of years whilst at college.
0ne Christmas I and another bored co-worker removed all the 'Magna Doodles' (like an etch-a-sketch) from their boxes in the stock room, drew crude yet surprisingly graphic representations of male genitalia on them all, then boxed them up again ready to be opened by unsuspecting kids on Christmas morning. I would have paid to have seen the parents' faces.
When I finally left I sellotaped a frozen kipper to the underside of the boss's desk - excellent time delayed stink bomb. I had an angry phonecall from them two weeks later after they'd got Rentokil in and they'd found the offending article.
(Wed 4th May 2005, 15:39, More)
Confessions of a shop assistant
I worked at Argos for a couple of years whilst at college.
0ne Christmas I and another bored co-worker removed all the 'Magna Doodles' (like an etch-a-sketch) from their boxes in the stock room, drew crude yet surprisingly graphic representations of male genitalia on them all, then boxed them up again ready to be opened by unsuspecting kids on Christmas morning. I would have paid to have seen the parents' faces.
When I finally left I sellotaped a frozen kipper to the underside of the boss's desk - excellent time delayed stink bomb. I had an angry phonecall from them two weeks later after they'd got Rentokil in and they'd found the offending article.
(Wed 4th May 2005, 15:39, More)
» Accidental innuendo
Wedding juice
My father-in-law is always keen to talk to strangers but it has caught him out a few times.
At breakfast in the hotel, the morning after my brother's wedding, he was waiting in the large queue at the buffet to get a glass of orange juice. An attractive young lady with an ample bosom and very tightly fitting jumper was struggling to pour her glass of juice whilst also holding her plate of food and her cutlery.
Up steps the father-in-law, spots the drink-pouring problem, and is keen to help the poor lass...."WHAT MASSIVE JUGS!" he says in a very loud voice.
Girl goes bright red and hastily makes her retreat. Father in law doesn't realise what he's done.
Mother in law looks on, stony faced.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 14:18, More)
Wedding juice
My father-in-law is always keen to talk to strangers but it has caught him out a few times.
At breakfast in the hotel, the morning after my brother's wedding, he was waiting in the large queue at the buffet to get a glass of orange juice. An attractive young lady with an ample bosom and very tightly fitting jumper was struggling to pour her glass of juice whilst also holding her plate of food and her cutlery.
Up steps the father-in-law, spots the drink-pouring problem, and is keen to help the poor lass...."WHAT MASSIVE JUGS!" he says in a very loud voice.
Girl goes bright red and hastily makes her retreat. Father in law doesn't realise what he's done.
Mother in law looks on, stony faced.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 14:18, More)
» Accidental animal cruelty
Roast drunk hamster
My brother had a hamster which lived a happy enough life, until one day when we woke up one morning to find it in what could only be described as comatose state.
What had happened was, overnight the little ball-bearing that sits in the spout of his little water bottle in order to stop it pouring everywhere had failed, resulting in the contents of the bottle leaking into his bedding. It must have got very cold and wet and went into a little rodent coma.
We decided that the little chap needed warming up, and, having read numerous Famous Five books it was clear that brandy was the best course of action. We got hold of a pipette, raided the drinks cabinet, and gave the little chap about 5mls of the good stuff. It had a bit of an odd effect, he started to look decidedly glassy-eyed, and twitched a bit.
Assuming that the brandy hadn't worked, we then resorted to more extreme measures, and lay him carefully on a warm surface. The storage heater . Which was really quite hot.
After about an hour of this treatment, I'm afraid it was curtains for little Smudge. All that remained of his happy life was the smell of singed fur and boozy breath. Death by alchohol poisoning and slow-roasting.
Can't blame a couple of kids for trying.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 12:21, More)
Roast drunk hamster
My brother had a hamster which lived a happy enough life, until one day when we woke up one morning to find it in what could only be described as comatose state.
What had happened was, overnight the little ball-bearing that sits in the spout of his little water bottle in order to stop it pouring everywhere had failed, resulting in the contents of the bottle leaking into his bedding. It must have got very cold and wet and went into a little rodent coma.
We decided that the little chap needed warming up, and, having read numerous Famous Five books it was clear that brandy was the best course of action. We got hold of a pipette, raided the drinks cabinet, and gave the little chap about 5mls of the good stuff. It had a bit of an odd effect, he started to look decidedly glassy-eyed, and twitched a bit.
Assuming that the brandy hadn't worked, we then resorted to more extreme measures, and lay him carefully on a warm surface. The storage heater . Which was really quite hot.
After about an hour of this treatment, I'm afraid it was curtains for little Smudge. All that remained of his happy life was the smell of singed fur and boozy breath. Death by alchohol poisoning and slow-roasting.
Can't blame a couple of kids for trying.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 12:21, More)
» Local Nutters
Sutton Park's own Bigfoot.
There's a large expanse of parkland in Sutton Coldfield and it is reputed to be the home of a wildman who has been nicknamed 'Barkfoot', not only as a hilarious pun on 'Bigfoot' but more accurately because he is known to sport curious shoes made of bark (and also, depending on who you speak to, his bark-related attire may also extend to a jaunty cowboy hat) along with other clothes made of twine and rushes.
If that is not odd enough he is reputed to have a love of sausages, and most encounters involving members of the public and Barkfoot feature snorkers somewhere along the line.
The local paper regularly features all the latest Barkfoot related news, including an interview with someone who claimed to have actually SPOKEN to him, (during which conversation Barkfoot revealed that before adopting the lifestyle of a bark-wearing Grizzly Adams type character, he was infact gainfully employed as a bottle-opener designer in Hemel Hempstead) and also a report about a renegade gang of girls who roam the park hoping to the be the first to bed the Barkfoot.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 12:48, More)
Sutton Park's own Bigfoot.
There's a large expanse of parkland in Sutton Coldfield and it is reputed to be the home of a wildman who has been nicknamed 'Barkfoot', not only as a hilarious pun on 'Bigfoot' but more accurately because he is known to sport curious shoes made of bark (and also, depending on who you speak to, his bark-related attire may also extend to a jaunty cowboy hat) along with other clothes made of twine and rushes.
If that is not odd enough he is reputed to have a love of sausages, and most encounters involving members of the public and Barkfoot feature snorkers somewhere along the line.
The local paper regularly features all the latest Barkfoot related news, including an interview with someone who claimed to have actually SPOKEN to him, (during which conversation Barkfoot revealed that before adopting the lifestyle of a bark-wearing Grizzly Adams type character, he was infact gainfully employed as a bottle-opener designer in Hemel Hempstead) and also a report about a renegade gang of girls who roam the park hoping to the be the first to bed the Barkfoot.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 12:48, More)
» Irrational Fears
Triangular tea bags
Namely of the PG Tips variety. I just hate the fact that no matter which way you drop them on the work surface, they always point upwards.
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 16:57, More)
Triangular tea bags
Namely of the PG Tips variety. I just hate the fact that no matter which way you drop them on the work surface, they always point upwards.
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 16:57, More)