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» School Projects
Turtle Power!!
In the first year of high school, when I should have been having my first sips of cider and trying to make my wee turn white I was obsessed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (The first time they were "in" I hasten to add)
To introduce ourselves to our new form we had to give a presentation on our interests, either alone or in groups. Luckly two of my mates were in the form and had a similar obsession so we decided to do a joint one about nothing but our favourite heroes in half shells.
Somewhere along the way we had a major disagreement on content so I went it alone. On the day I stood in front of a group of my fellow pupils who were progressing in life and trying to project themselves as cool. I produced a vast collection of mugs, figures, posters, t shirts and whatever shite I'd had collected for xmas and birthday presents for many years.
The upshot was I looked like a right twat, never lived it down and didn't touch a girl right through high school.
Best days of my life!!! Cowabunga!
(Sat 15th Aug 2009, 1:29, More)
Turtle Power!!
In the first year of high school, when I should have been having my first sips of cider and trying to make my wee turn white I was obsessed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (The first time they were "in" I hasten to add)
To introduce ourselves to our new form we had to give a presentation on our interests, either alone or in groups. Luckly two of my mates were in the form and had a similar obsession so we decided to do a joint one about nothing but our favourite heroes in half shells.
Somewhere along the way we had a major disagreement on content so I went it alone. On the day I stood in front of a group of my fellow pupils who were progressing in life and trying to project themselves as cool. I produced a vast collection of mugs, figures, posters, t shirts and whatever shite I'd had collected for xmas and birthday presents for many years.
The upshot was I looked like a right twat, never lived it down and didn't touch a girl right through high school.
Best days of my life!!! Cowabunga!
(Sat 15th Aug 2009, 1:29, More)
» Mobile phone disasters
T'was the night before before Xmas
and the jolly bosses at work had laid on a free bar at a council pub over the road. With me working in my home town and with Xmas being the season for giving I invited a few of my mates to come along and I'd go to the bar and furnish them all with free booze.
Everything went according to plan until the free bar was running out and we decided to go to one of the other many council pubs in the area. The only problem was I was in full work regalia (shirt and tie) so needed to get home, changed and out again faster than MJs final heartbeats.
I had the idea of calling mother (I was a wee slip of a lad at the time) and get her to do the necessary ironing so I could head straight back out on the razzle dazzle. Full of booze and eager to make my mates/work colleagues laugh, after I'd made the arrangements with mother and she'd hung up I said "And then I'm going to put my shirt on and shoehorn one right up your arse".
She hadn't hung up.
I went bright red.
My shirt was immaculately ironed.
(Wed 5th Aug 2009, 16:34, More)
T'was the night before before Xmas
and the jolly bosses at work had laid on a free bar at a council pub over the road. With me working in my home town and with Xmas being the season for giving I invited a few of my mates to come along and I'd go to the bar and furnish them all with free booze.
Everything went according to plan until the free bar was running out and we decided to go to one of the other many council pubs in the area. The only problem was I was in full work regalia (shirt and tie) so needed to get home, changed and out again faster than MJs final heartbeats.
I had the idea of calling mother (I was a wee slip of a lad at the time) and get her to do the necessary ironing so I could head straight back out on the razzle dazzle. Full of booze and eager to make my mates/work colleagues laugh, after I'd made the arrangements with mother and she'd hung up I said "And then I'm going to put my shirt on and shoehorn one right up your arse".
She hadn't hung up.
I went bright red.
My shirt was immaculately ironed.
(Wed 5th Aug 2009, 16:34, More)
» The most childish thing you've done as an adult
Bus Stop Widgie
I doubt I'm the only person to have done this but only last weekend I painted a fine specimen of a "bus stop widgie" on my brothers front room wall. It looked exactly like this:
His missus was decorating the next day so it wasn't a permanent feature.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 19:24, More)
Bus Stop Widgie
I doubt I'm the only person to have done this but only last weekend I painted a fine specimen of a "bus stop widgie" on my brothers front room wall. It looked exactly like this:
His missus was decorating the next day so it wasn't a permanent feature.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 19:24, More)
» Celebrities part II
Many moons ago
the company I was working for at the time held a joint Xmas party with lots of other companies at the Palace Hotel in Manchester. One of the companies in question was Granada TV so there was a managerie of local, sub z list faces there.
As an avid fan of The Krypton Factor (particularly the observation round), you can imagine my utter delight to see Gordon Burns there who had recently become (and still is) a newsreader for Northwest Tonight. With a few pints sloshing away inside me I approached him and shook his hand. Seemingly quite pleased to meet a fan he introduced me to Lady Burns and the weather girl from his news show. I then proceeded to tell him that I much prefered him in his Krypton Factor days and asked him if he'd had any interesting threesomes with his present company.
The look on his wifes face was precious!
It was also the first night I'd ever tried the demon weed and ended up tossing a lemon meringue pie over the dancefloor in true 3 Stooges style. I also had a walking wee down a corridor whilst lost.
Basically, I turned into a twat for the night because Xmas was round the corner.
(Fri 9th Oct 2009, 12:14, More)
Many moons ago
the company I was working for at the time held a joint Xmas party with lots of other companies at the Palace Hotel in Manchester. One of the companies in question was Granada TV so there was a managerie of local, sub z list faces there.
As an avid fan of The Krypton Factor (particularly the observation round), you can imagine my utter delight to see Gordon Burns there who had recently become (and still is) a newsreader for Northwest Tonight. With a few pints sloshing away inside me I approached him and shook his hand. Seemingly quite pleased to meet a fan he introduced me to Lady Burns and the weather girl from his news show. I then proceeded to tell him that I much prefered him in his Krypton Factor days and asked him if he'd had any interesting threesomes with his present company.
The look on his wifes face was precious!
It was also the first night I'd ever tried the demon weed and ended up tossing a lemon meringue pie over the dancefloor in true 3 Stooges style. I also had a walking wee down a corridor whilst lost.
Basically, I turned into a twat for the night because Xmas was round the corner.
(Fri 9th Oct 2009, 12:14, More)
» The Boss
It's in the taste
I had a boss once that was an utter cunt. Dispite me working 14 hour days and getting good results he couldn't help himself but to scream and shout like a guniea pig giving birth to an elephant at everything I did.
To my amusement though he'd had a motorbike accident years earlier which meant he didn't have full movement one of his wrists. This resulted in him having to drink cups of tea like one of the chimps off the PG Tips adverts and it was this image that helped me sail through his bullshit bollockings.
Once the amusement wore off though I told him to shove his job and he couldn't believe it as I was doing such a good job.
The twat
(Wed 24th Jun 2009, 18:33, More)
It's in the taste
I had a boss once that was an utter cunt. Dispite me working 14 hour days and getting good results he couldn't help himself but to scream and shout like a guniea pig giving birth to an elephant at everything I did.
To my amusement though he'd had a motorbike accident years earlier which meant he didn't have full movement one of his wrists. This resulted in him having to drink cups of tea like one of the chimps off the PG Tips adverts and it was this image that helped me sail through his bullshit bollockings.
Once the amusement wore off though I told him to shove his job and he couldn't believe it as I was doing such a good job.
The twat
(Wed 24th Jun 2009, 18:33, More)