» Pretentious bollocks

ooh ooh! Another one, starring ME!
In my second year of university, this girl who lived at the same house as me was doing fine art. Stuck for an idea for what to do she asked me for inspiration, I says:

"Why don't you film someone smashing up a shed with a sledgehammer?"

So, some guy at the pub where she worked said she could smash up his shed. Off we trudge to this guys house wearing smart clothes, then take turns to cine film each other smashing up this shed with a sledgehammer and a pick axe.

Halfway through flattening the shed, she asks "what is this all about?", after the briefest moment of ponderance I reply - "relationships" - exactly the kind of crap that fine art teachers seem to love.

She got quite a good mark for it as I understand. So if you ever saw a short film of a guy and a girl smashing up a shed at Middlesex Uniersity Quicksilver campus, I was the guy in the shirt and tie, and it was all my idea. (go me! :)
(Fri 30th Sep 2005, 14:02, More)

» Evil Pranks

Tuna/hot chocolate
I used to work in a hut which strangely sold pizzas, my job: phone monkey. Additional duties: fetching ingredients for the 'chef' characters.

As a perk of sorts, you were allowed as much of any soft beverage that you so desired. I combined the free drinks with the ingredient fetching in a novel fashion by using the following steps:

1. Fetch a hot chocolate from the hot chocolate machine.
2. Get a spare cup.
3. Drain the cans of tuna into spare cup.
4. Spoon milky fluff off of the hot choc onto the tuna juice.
5. Await victim.

So, after waiting a while, one of the waitress girls walked past, I asked her to check this hot chocolate 'cos I was worried that it tasted funny. She took a drink from it, and started retching so much I started to get worried that I'd get fired for making someone yak in the kitchen (she didn't in the end).

Oh hilarious days of wonderment...
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 0:24, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

I like to...
...walk down the stairs in a cheeky cockney fashion.

I get to go down two flights from my flat.
(Mon 11th Apr 2005, 13:20, More)

» Misunderstood

Sonic/Musical Youth confusion
This should probably have gone in the 'when you realised you were old' qotw, but anyhow...

Some kinda rock n roll pop band or something appeared called sonic youth. Everyone was going 'gosh, have you heard sonic youth, they're top, they're the new spice girls' and stuff.

I was convinced everyone was going on about 'musical youth', of pass the dutchie fame, and wondered if they had got back together for some kinda reunion tour.

Not really me being misunderstood, but drifting off topic seems to be the cool thing to do nowadays.
(Wed 12th Oct 2005, 11:04, More)

» Mugged

Stay back - I know wing chun*
And I do! Its great fun, I have a big circle of friends who I meet up with regularly and hit each other, choke each other, throw each other around, etc... anyway:

I was walking home from work this winter just gone, minding my own business as you do, and some drunk/junkie looking guy takes it upon himself to attack me. In restrospect I believe a driving factor may have been 'white headphone syndrome', as I was listening to my nano.

Anyway, it was so completely random, and so much like being in class, that I just kept moving and covering, and moving around some more, until he just sort of gave up, and walked off shouting something at me.

To this day I have no idea what he was on about, as the whole time I had my headphones in, and was listening to 'Dirty Blue Jean' by Captain Beefheart. The whole thing was completely hatstand and, once the fucking MEGA adrenaline rush had died down I really enjoyed the whole thing.

Thank you very much Kamon Wing Chun for allowing me to not take a kicking.

*/Howard Moon
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 18:25, More)