» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Forgetting about a pal's mother's funeral
...is a really really bad idea.

During my youth playing Rugby for England’s oldest new town, I had an acquaintance called Fat Terry, who is a tad forgetful and bigoted. A fellow player, Wayne, came along to training one evening moping about wearing a kit coated in mud. He soon informed us of his mother’s recent death and we all went through the usual sympathetic motions.

Of course, Fat Terry came along and asked, “was your mum to busy shagging my granddad to wash your kit then?” At this point everyone jumped in trying to stop Fat Terry from persisting with the taunts, but he carried on until poor distraught Wayne had to tell him. Much embarrassment ensued all round.

Wayne, being the tough sort, insisted on getting on with the training session as usual. As a kind of knee-jerk retort to any event within a game, Fat Terry would taunt the other players with the oh-so-witty statement of “your mum”. Naturally he said this to Wayne, who walked off in tears. At this stage, Fat Terry was admonished by his team-mates and slapped a few times.

At the following week’s training session, Fat Terry managed to be not quite so forgetful for a brief moment. He managed to remember that Wayne had not attended Saturday’s match. Still being a bit on the dim side, his immediate reaction to this rare recollection was “Oi Wayne, were you too busy shagging your mum to play at the weekend?!” Wayne was, as you may have guessed, attending his mother’s funeral.

As the rightwing American politicians say: three strikes and you’re out. It turns out this is applicable to other situations. Rather than marching off in tears, Wayne ran up to Fat Terry, booted him in the genetilia, broke his nose and knocked him out cold. At this point a few guys intervened before Wayne could shove a flag poll up Fat Terry’s arse.

No apologies for length, I’m just a…
(Mon 15th May 2006, 20:05, More)