Profile for ShadowTail:
What is written below is mostly bollocks so I wouldn't bother if I were you.
Poo By Me:
See my short stories, crap poems and pictures at my Deviant Art page.
The Origins of ShadowTail:
Born in 1576 to a Romanian princess and a domesticated Gnu, I grew up a confused and, at times, murderous child. To put it bluntly I was an arsehole of a child much to the chagrin of my mother who had an impression to uphold in the royal court. My father didn't help - he just sat there making whatever noise it is that gnus make - until before long my mother kicked the pair of us out.
To this day the only thing I remember about my mother is the sweet lullaby she used to sing to me as she rocked me to sleep in her arms. It went something like this:
"She's a rag-tag ,
Slag-bag,
She's a dirty whore,
She's got a cunt like an elevator door,
She can hop, skip, jump,
With a hippo up her cunt."
And on it went. Ah sweet, sweet memories.
My father was a kind and generous gnu but a gnu he still was. One day he wandered off to eat some particularly tasty looking grass. I laid in that field for nearly a year waiting for him to come back but he never did. Gnus never were the most reliable people - never rely on a gnu. Yak - maybe, bison - possibly, gnu - never. Later I found out he joined a gnu-metal band and died of an overdosed of croakaine (a particularly nasty narcotic made from powdered frogs).
Eventually, I don't know how long as I was only 3 and at the age of 3 your perceptions of space/time are a little screwy, I was found by a local colony of tone deaf crickets. They took me in and fed and clothed me for the next some (curse my inability to fathom the intricacies of insect timepieces) years of my life . Incidentally this is where I picked up my inability to play the violin.
Some years later I was found by a cult of Satanic nuns (where I picked up some very bad habits - hehehe!) that raised me as one of their own. I stayed at the nunnery until I was of years advanced enough to fend for myself when I left to seek my fortune.
In the early 20th century I found myself initiated into the Venezualan secret forces under the guise of the mediteranean goddess, Cassie Fernandes. I enjoyed a long and distinguished career of espionage, eating ferrero roches with embassadors and assassination. Unfortunately it all ended when I was sadly killed when I fell into a pit of weasels while covered in marmite.
Not letting a little thing like my own mortalitly get me down, I returned to my hometown of Enfield to enjoy a life of debauchery which continues to this very day. And there I am now.
The saga continues...
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
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- a member for 19 years, 8 months and 29 days
- has posted 16 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 5 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 0 pictures, 1 links, 0 talk posts, and 2 qotw answers.
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What is written below is mostly bollocks so I wouldn't bother if I were you.
Poo By Me:
See my short stories, crap poems and pictures at my Deviant Art page.
The Origins of ShadowTail:
Born in 1576 to a Romanian princess and a domesticated Gnu, I grew up a confused and, at times, murderous child. To put it bluntly I was an arsehole of a child much to the chagrin of my mother who had an impression to uphold in the royal court. My father didn't help - he just sat there making whatever noise it is that gnus make - until before long my mother kicked the pair of us out.
To this day the only thing I remember about my mother is the sweet lullaby she used to sing to me as she rocked me to sleep in her arms. It went something like this:
"She's a rag-tag ,
Slag-bag,
She's a dirty whore,
She's got a cunt like an elevator door,
She can hop, skip, jump,
With a hippo up her cunt."
And on it went. Ah sweet, sweet memories.
My father was a kind and generous gnu but a gnu he still was. One day he wandered off to eat some particularly tasty looking grass. I laid in that field for nearly a year waiting for him to come back but he never did. Gnus never were the most reliable people - never rely on a gnu. Yak - maybe, bison - possibly, gnu - never. Later I found out he joined a gnu-metal band and died of an overdosed of croakaine (a particularly nasty narcotic made from powdered frogs).
Eventually, I don't know how long as I was only 3 and at the age of 3 your perceptions of space/time are a little screwy, I was found by a local colony of tone deaf crickets. They took me in and fed and clothed me for the next some (curse my inability to fathom the intricacies of insect timepieces) years of my life . Incidentally this is where I picked up my inability to play the violin.
Some years later I was found by a cult of Satanic nuns (where I picked up some very bad habits - hehehe!) that raised me as one of their own. I stayed at the nunnery until I was of years advanced enough to fend for myself when I left to seek my fortune.
In the early 20th century I found myself initiated into the Venezualan secret forces under the guise of the mediteranean goddess, Cassie Fernandes. I enjoyed a long and distinguished career of espionage, eating ferrero roches with embassadors and assassination. Unfortunately it all ended when I was sadly killed when I fell into a pit of weasels while covered in marmite.
Not letting a little thing like my own mortalitly get me down, I returned to my hometown of Enfield to enjoy a life of debauchery which continues to this very day. And there I am now.
The saga continues...
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Strange things you've been paid to do
I see dumb people
I was once employed by British Gas to open up two different databases on the same pc and to manually type the records from one into the other. When I mentioned that they could do this automatically I was slapped down and told that "if it was possible they would have done it already". Well maybe it would have been done already if they weren't total fucking retards.
I excused myself to go for a cigarette and never returned.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 11:38, More)
I see dumb people
I was once employed by British Gas to open up two different databases on the same pc and to manually type the records from one into the other. When I mentioned that they could do this automatically I was slapped down and told that "if it was possible they would have done it already". Well maybe it would have been done already if they weren't total fucking retards.
I excused myself to go for a cigarette and never returned.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 11:38, More)
» Teenage Poetry
2 little poems...
I once bought a songbird,
And the fucker wouldn't sing.
I put him in the microwave,
And he popped before the ping.
Once I had a little stoat,
His fur was brown as shit,
I tried to stick him up my arse,
But the bastard would not fit.
.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 14:22, More)
2 little poems...
I once bought a songbird,
And the fucker wouldn't sing.
I put him in the microwave,
And he popped before the ping.
Once I had a little stoat,
His fur was brown as shit,
I tried to stick him up my arse,
But the bastard would not fit.
.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 14:22, More)
» Hidden Treasure
Evil
Recently moved into a new house which is full of really cool stuff. Like a 19th century brass firemans helmet, a magazine of live bullets (for a luger according to our resident firearms expert) and a 9 foot whale bone.
My personal favourite find is the 9" knife with a bone handle and 'I want some work' engraved on the blade. It's the kind of knife that would look perfect in the hands of some sort of evil slasher movie bad guy.
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 17:28, More)
Evil
Recently moved into a new house which is full of really cool stuff. Like a 19th century brass firemans helmet, a magazine of live bullets (for a luger according to our resident firearms expert) and a 9 foot whale bone.
My personal favourite find is the 9" knife with a bone handle and 'I want some work' engraved on the blade. It's the kind of knife that would look perfect in the hands of some sort of evil slasher movie bad guy.
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 17:28, More)
» People with Stupid Names
Cool Name
I used to work with a Wendy Thundercliff.
And according to the online phone book here at work there's a Yolande Posthumous.
Oh, and there's a nearby pet shop called T.Watts and Sons.
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 14:57, More)
Cool Name
I used to work with a Wendy Thundercliff.
And according to the online phone book here at work there's a Yolande Posthumous.
Oh, and there's a nearby pet shop called T.Watts and Sons.
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 14:57, More)
» Teenage Poetry
I Have No Arse.
I once rode a pure white horse,
Over fields of grass.
Stupid me forgot the saddle,
And now I have no arse.
The doctors tried their hardest,
To save my anal fate.
But alas, their work was to no avail,
And they had to amputate.
Living life with no buttocks,
Is no fun at all.
Can't sit down to save my life,
Why is life so cruel?
My poo comes out in all directions,
I have no faecal aim.
I am nothing but a big fat loser,
In life's rectal game.
/not teenage but it's a crap QOTW so I don't care.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 14:18, More)
I Have No Arse.
I once rode a pure white horse,
Over fields of grass.
Stupid me forgot the saddle,
And now I have no arse.
The doctors tried their hardest,
To save my anal fate.
But alas, their work was to no avail,
And they had to amputate.
Living life with no buttocks,
Is no fun at all.
Can't sit down to save my life,
Why is life so cruel?
My poo comes out in all directions,
I have no faecal aim.
I am nothing but a big fat loser,
In life's rectal game.
/not teenage but it's a crap QOTW so I don't care.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 14:18, More)